Well I've been writing in this journal since April 20 2005 and I've tried to keep really personal things out but today I have to talk about my third marriage which ended on paper 7 days before I began this journal. Where to begin. Let's begin with LOVE. Yep that's how it began.... I met Scott through a personal ad online. Match.Com. I had managed to stay single and out of love for 8 years. He came along and broke many barriers that I had put up. I will never forget the many emails that passed between us before we met in person and then afterward. I do believe we fell in love before we met but I knew without a doubt my love for him Christmas Eve 2002. I recall so vividly him being at my home and my looking at him and just knowing. We listened to music on the stereo he had gotten me for Christmas. Van Morrison. He left for Canada on a skiing trip and it was most likely the longest week of my life. Many emails passed between us that week and I think we both knew where our hearts were. He came back on New Years Day and when he visited I told him I loved him. He was the first guy I had ever told first about my feelings. I always had to play it safe because I feared rejection but with him my heart (at that time) was open. I truly gave more of myself than I had ever given before. My heart eventually closed off as it usually does. Unfortunately some things I did hold back and therein lies my failures and the failure of our marriage before it actually even began. We married in Jamaica on November 15, 2003. It ended shortly after that. I take full responsibility for the marriage ending. I pray every day for his happiness because he deserves so much.
God Bless you Scott. May God always hold you in the palm of his hand.
Here we are when things were good. I try to remember those times. It was a beautiful day with so much hope for the future. What do you do with the memories?