Everyone here in Jland who reads my journal knows I’m been divorced three times...look over there >>>>>>>>it says so in my intro. On my way home today, being me, I had to do a lot of thinking. I do have an hour drive to contemplate things and I contemplate the hell out of things to my wits end. I was driving along minding my own mind when I realized I was justified in all of my divorces. I clicked off the reasons in my head:
1st marriage I was a babe of 16 (yes I wore white in a Catholic Church...I was pure as the driven snow (shouldn’t that be un-driven snow?) So I was too young to make that decision. Justified, right?
2nd marriage - my husband was an alcoholic and gambler. I had a 10 year old daughter...had to provide a stable life for her. Justified, right?
3rd marriage - not ready to disclose the reasons but trust me they were justified. Right?
Well here I am driving along with these thoughts in my lil ole mind when I realize WRONG. None of these reasons are justification. It is time to take full responsibility for my own actions. The whole thing that isn’t right and justified is the fact that it was a choice I made knowing full well in all cases that there were far too many issues that I buried in the sand thinking Love would conquer it all. Even though there was love I should have never married in the first place...therefore I am at fault. Too many issues from the get-go. We have to deal with and accept our own shortcomings before we can accept and live with someone else.
So if we all walked around blaming ourselves for our own actions then no one would be walking around pointing the finger at anyone else.