In my previous journal entry, I alluded to a gift I would be receiving New Year’s Eve. Little did I know how much of a gift it would be nor how much it would reveal to me about myself and my creator. God provides people in your life to teach you things about yourself and how much you can handle with his help and love.
I met a very extraordinary person this New Year’s Eve. Someone I connected with on many levels during many hours of phone conversation. He was someone I laughed with and shared beautiful uncharted territory.
I tried to tell him through all these conversations that talking on the phone and actually meeting someone in person is two different things. He was so convinced that everything would be picture-book perfect and chemistry would abound. I, being the veteran of this, knew otherwise, but I left him with his fantasies.
We met at my home after waiting what seemed like years instead of weeks. The chemistry was immediate and the connection was there but somewhere in my heart I knew something was not quite right with all this. There was the ten year age difference that I kept harping on but he kept pooh-poohing away time and time again. I think we both saw and felt the age difference immediately. He, looking 10 years younger than his 38 and my feeling grandmotherly, I don’t think I could overlook it but I gave it one hell of a whirl.
We spent New Year’s Eve wrapped in denial. Enjoying the bliss of chemistry. Sometime during the middle of New Year’s Day, reality set in. Something he saw in me previously had changed for him. I felt it and understood it. I asked God to please not let anything happen between us that either one of us would regret and through divine impotence he granted my wish.
What did I learn? The capacity for which I can care about a person and wish for them the best journey in life. I learned honesty and connection that doesn’t have to end in the pursuits of sexual activity or a long term relationship. I learned about the decency of a man beyond all comprehension. I learned about the love of God for his creatures if only one will ask for what is right. What a wonderful gift from God.
Alix, you are a beautiful person and I respect your honesty and thank you for the brief time we spent together. God has his reasons and for just a moment my heart soared.