First of all, before I share the humorous details of my date, I must first relate to you all how so very disappointed I was. I had a week of talking to this guy and he sounded very nice. I guess I did what I shouldn't have done...expected way too much. We live and we learn.
I, stupidly, agreed to meet him at his apartment and then we would proceed to dinner. He lives in very nice exclusive apartments, which lulled me into believing it would be safe to meet him at his place of residence. He was safe but a bit bizarre. When I arrived, the "Coullion" (crazy man in Cajun French) was outside cheering me on into his place. First of all he looked nothing like his picture which was a total shock in itself. You get a visual of a person and when they aren't who they represent themself to be, it is a total shock to the system. Do not get me wrong, he was an attractive man and well maintained, but nothing like his picture.
He had whorederves and martinis waiting for my consumption. We sit on his sofa and I can tell right off he feels very close to me because he puts his hands on my legs and they kind of drift in between my legs just above my knees. Whoa Horsey! Down Horsey! I remove his Roman hands and he places them on my hair to brush my hair behind my ears so he can blow in my ears and nibble my neck.. Now had I known the guy for more than 3 seconds this may have not been so bad (since I have a fondness for neck nibbling) but it kind of left me wondering about myself and how can I possibly have that instantaneous affect on men or is it that I attract extremely horny men? HELP????
He was cooking, which was not on the agenda, we were supposed to go out to dinner. Had I known he planned an evening in his apartment alone with me and his hands on my ass as entertainment, I’d have had to decline. As a very loving friend imparted to me (Caesar1958 WTF were you when I needed you?!), I forgot to read a certain section of the dating handbook:
You must have missed Section 74.2(B)(1)(c) of the Dating Handbook:
"The sending of a dozen roses, by the Sender, without the Recipient having to tell the Sender that they were the Recipient's favorite, requires the Recipient to allow miscellaneous groping by the Sender. However, if the Sender also includes LSU colors the Recipient shall allow ass groping."
Whew........good thing he didn't send you two dozen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For my palate, he had steaks, bread and salad. I must tell you the homemade bread was to die for. The homemade crabmeat salad dressing made my mouth water! The lettuce was called something I had never heard of..it was a peppery lettuce. I could not afford to ask for the recipe because God only knows what I would have had to give up for that "piece" of information. We sat down to eat our salad (which is all I ate because it was Friday and I’m Catholic and it's Lent and we don’t eat meat on Friday's) He had music on the stereo. Good Music! Good slow dancing I want to take you to bed music. He pulls me up from the dining table and requests my body for a bump and grind match. I remember my dog doing some humping like that when he hadn't had a bitch for a while. PEOPLE...he proceeds to run his hand UNDER my shirt and camoflauges it as a massage. At this point I realized it was time to go. I was being WAY too kind to someone who had very little respect for me. Before leaving, I had to go to the restroom. I passed through his bedroom to get to the bathroom and I saw that he had the bed turned down very neatly on BOTH sides. Yes, he wanted me to spend the night because he knew I had to work the next morning and being at his apartment would have made my travel time less. He told me that he would sleep on the couch. Now I live 15 miles down the road. Why would I stay? He gave me more reasons to leave!
I finish up my business in the bathroom and he walks me to my car. On the way to the car he puts his arms around my waist and then reaches down and grabs my ass. I move away from him and being the nice, I want to get this date over with and go home, kind of gal, I don’t say anything. We arrive at my car. I thank him for dinner and all the ass gropings, at which he gave me a parting hug and grope. I go upon my merry little way, crying all the way home because I am so damned disappointed in the entire evening!
Any guys out there want a dozen beautiful roses? I can guarantee you that they have ass groping potential!