Today I was thinking, yeah I know, big groan around J-land, must she think? Anyway, I was thinking how most people say it is a blessing that we do not know the future. I have always believed that to be a good thing without even thinking about the consequences of what knowing would mean. Had I known 30 years ago how my life would pan out, I probably would have opted to say "Nay, I’m outta here!" I say that simply because I realize now that living life is not as bad as someone telling you about how your life is going to happen. Looking back on life, there were many hard times and going through it was difficult, but it wasn't as bad as knowing beforehand that you were going to have to experience it.
I cannot imagine coming to a juncture in my life, such as my second marriage, and knowing that I was going to marry this man and he would be an alcoholic and gamble away our home and jeopardize our future. I think, knowing myself, I would have said on the night that we were supposedly going to meet, "I think tonight I will stay home and read a book instead of meeting Mark and marrying him. Darn, he's hot as hell, but is he worth all that heartache I'm going to have to endure? Okay, too bad Mark, can't do it! Maybe another lifetime but not this one! Sorry God you should have kept that one to yourself!"
Having gone through it, I can actually say I'm so blessed to have known him. I have memories that I can cherish and smile upon. Even though they were very hard times, I was enriched in many ways by our lives touching.
I have been touched by so many people in my life and each and every one of them have left me with beautiful memories. Sometimes I laugh with the memories and sometimes I cry with the memories. Whether good or bad memories they are my memories to hold within my heart. I'm just so very happy that I wasn't given a choice of living each experience because knowing how I can screw up, I'd have missed out on some good memories.
So today, I realize that what I am living through today, are my memories for tomorrow.