Ajoleblon...A Cajun Tale

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Lafayette, Louisiana, United States
This journal is a bunch of rants about nothing. Mostly lighthearted happenings in the life of a woman who is very simple and who wants for nothing but greatly appreciates whatever is given. You will find nothing profound here but hopefully something that will make you laugh and that's what I enjoy doing most. Being humorous. Fight all error, but do it with good humor, patience, kindness, and love. Harshness will damage your own soul and spoil the best cause.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Ask and you shall receive!

Be careful what you ask for because you may just get it!

I wasn’t going to write about this but then I felt the need to put it into writing because that usually helps me come to grips with what is going on in my mind.

I kept asking the question "why"? Why Lord, after two years, am I still stuck in the pain of a past relationship? Prior to this, I would tend to banish a relationship without as much pain and move on to the next. Not this time! In the past two years, I have come up with some pretty good reasons why I am suffering still.

I thought to myself, that for once, I must have really loved someone enough to keep the fire burning in my heart for this long. Another thought was that it was my third (marriage)failure and I was possibly taking it harder than prior relationships. Maybe I was getting older and wiser with the realization that some things you have to work at and they just don’t come as easily as you expect them to. With these and many more rationalizations, I still had not, within my heart, truly believed that I had hit upon the true reasons of my hurt and pain continuing.

Tomorrow marks the day that the final divorce papers were filed. I think, now after two years, and another meeting with my ex, I have found the answer to the question "why?"

When I first left my husband, I knew that it would be the hardest thing that either one of us would have to endure. I knew that I had caused a lot of hurt and pain in the relationship and I knew that it was me that didn’t want the relationship to work. I was the one who had given up because I didn’t want to fight for it any longer. I used all my past hurts and angers to ruin what could have been something good, but it’s over and I know that it was meant to be over. God had other plans for both of us. I trust that.

Here is the conversation I had with God on my way home from work Monday afternoon. It was very short and sweet but revealing.

"God! Why? Why? Why?"

Clear as a bell I heard the Good Lord say to me "Sharlene? Do you remember when you first left Scott, what you asked me?"

"Refresh my memory Lord, I’m getting old here!"

"Well, my dear, when you left Scott and you realized the pain you had caused, you asked me to give you all of his hurt and pain along with yours."

"Yes, Lord, I sure did, didn’t I?"

Right then and there I knew without a doubt. Everything fell into place and when Scott entered my life again for a brief time, I wondered "why?" and then the answer was again revealed to me by God:

"Because, Sharlene, I had to show you that he was fine and you could quit carrying his hurt and pain."

So it had nothing to do with love or failures. It had to do with getting what I asked for so I am here to tell you be careful what you ask God for and when you ask make damned sure you want it!

I know I have grown through this experience and that is what counts most of all!


stupidsheetguy said...

Wisdom born of pain. Why is it that we are forced to spend so much time looking behind before we can figure out where it is we're going? We ask for what we need to survive, and somehow the hurt never quite goes away. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes, that what's good for us doesn't always feel that way. But then, when the time comes, it all makes sense. I hope your heart stops hurting.

jckfrstross said...

great entry:) have a good thursday


garnett109 said...

Have a Great Day!

swibirun said...

Try this budhist parable on for size:)

Two monks on a pilgrimage came to the ford of a river. There they saw a girl dressed in all her finery, obviously now knowing what to do since the river was high and she did not want to spoil her clothes. Without more ado, one of the monks took her on his back, carried her across and put her down on dry ground on the other side. Then the monks continued on their way.

However, the other monk, after an hour or so, started complaining, “Surely it is not right to touch a woman; it is against the commandments to have close contact with women. How could you go against the rules for monks?”

The monk who had carried the girl walked along silently, but finally he remarked, “I set her down by the river an hour ago, why are you still carrying her?”

gazker said...

It must have been hard for you, now is the time to look forward now and see what God has planned for you.......... Follow your instincts and let God guide you not tell you what to do......... Gaz x

acoward15 said...

That sounds very complicated!

garnett109 said...

Have a great weekend!