In the words of a great friend :
"Some Times" a new beginning includes some of what we have already experienced.
Wishing you all a Happy New Beginning and may this coming year bring you experiences that you will cherish for a lifetime!
HAPPY NEW YEAR
XOXOXO
Santa was awesome this year! He brought me the best gift ever but I will have to wait until New Years Eve to open it. I will share the news when I find out how much I like it.
A few Christmas pictures:
A nice cozy fire.
Christmas Dinner in the making.
The look of surprise when he received the only thing he asked for: a nascar watch.
Brandi had the flu and wasn't feeling well but she's still gorgeous!
My son in law Barry
Matthew by the fire
Matthew enjoying his favorite gift....his video game. Go figure!
Sure is tiring opening and playing with all those presents!
Hope everyone's Christmas was as blessed as mine!
I have my little man with me this weekend (oh and his mom too but she's just the means to the end of getting him here. ;) Brandi was able to sleep til 11 A.M. while I woke up with him and we decorated my huge Christmas Tree. He did most of the decorating so when he leaves I will distribute the decorations more evenly.
And it truly is a wonder how an 88 cent toy can create hours of enjoyment for a 4 year old. I bought this round ball made of nothing but small suction cups and he spent hours this morning throwing it at everything to see where it would stick. The look of fear on his little face when he threw it at the ceiling and it wouldn't come back down. He thought he had lost it forever but Super Nammy to the rescue! I am his hero!
His mother is up now and off to the Sonic to get us a gourmet dinner of Frito Pies, Chili Dogs and French Fries. I will then take a long nap and dream of my arteries clogging with all the nutritious benefits I will be receiving from such a healthy meal.
And tomorrow we get to go see the Doodle Bops, live and in concert. OH BOY! OH JOY! I can't wait to return to tell you about that experience!
This time of year, in my hometown, it is so nice to walk outside and smell the cool crisp syrupy air. It always makes me hungry for pancakes because about one block from where I live, pure cane syrup is made. There is nothing like the sweet smell of sugarcane being cooked into sweet syrup.
Welcome To Steen's Syrup
Due to comment #7 in my last entry, it has been called to my attention by Professor Brainwhispers, that I made a horrendous error. It seems my entry evoked the possibility that I may have smelled the testicles of a moth in church.
I did not realize moths had testicles but it seems Professor (he doesn't carry this name for nothing) Brainwhisper knows and had the balls to correct me!
So I bow to his superior knowledge in these matters and will mind my spelling in future entries.
Mothballs - the smelly stuff used to preserve clothing.
Moth balls - the testicles of moths
Okay I think I got it!
I was in Mass tonight, and realized it's that time of year again, when due to the cold weather, the moth ball laden coats come out. I smelled moth balls all around me as I was kneeling and praying. Pew Wee!
How could I not love such a sweet and silly little boy?
I’ve taken a few days vacation and was blessed with having my little one from Thanksgiving night until Sunday night. What a joy and blessing he is! Even as you are teaching them they are teaching you valuable lessons as well.
I was showing him how to spell his name and when he was successful and finally did it all by himself he was so pleased.
Looking up at me, with such joy in his being, he asked, "Nammy, are you proud of me?"
And, of course, I was indeed very proud of him and let him know without a doubt at how proud I was.
This small question set off within me a few thoughts of my own about being proud. Aren’t we all still that little kid inside looking for the praise and pride of someone? Do we forget that we thrive on someone being proud of who and what we are? Sometimes we forget that others in our lives need this affirmation that indeed they are worthy of our praise no matter how small or large the feat that which has been accomplished.
I have been so guilty of not letting the people in my life, past and present, know that I am so proud of them and who they are. I realize it has been a real fault of mine in family and romantic relationships. Perhaps, my not being proud of myself, did not allow me to easily relay to others my pride in them. As I become more prideful of myself, I realize that I may never get the opportunity to tell everyone who I’ve been proud of, but in the present moment, which is all we truly have, I will be more mindful of doing just that!
What about you? Is there someone in your life that needs praise?
This reminds me of a joke I always loved which now has a totally new meaning to me:
One night, an old married couple was watching TV, as they did every night, when the wife looked at her husband and said,
"I’m so proud of you!"
The husband who was hard of hearing replied,
"I’m so tired of you too!"
Sometimes we don’t hear as well as we should and maybe we need to learn how to read lips!
My love,
The other day, for some unknown reason, I found myself in front of the greeting cards, and got this tremendous urge to buy you a card. It did not take me long to find the perfect one. It was as if God steered me straight to the one that belongs to you. The one that embodies everything I believe love is and should be. I know that is rather silly of me since I don’t know who "you" are. I do know you are out there and eventually I will give you this card that was meant for you and you alone.
I want and need you to know that I feel you right here beside me and I know that you feel me as well. We are not far from each other but as the card says, we have to wait for the perfect moment. God’s right moment. I know he is perfecting us for each other. Who knows? We may have met already but it wasn’t the right time. It wasn’t his time. I do know that I know you with my very soul and I cry when you are hurting. I feel you all around me.
It is rather strange, but every Sunday in mass, when I close my eyes, I feel you there next to me. As I look, I feel an impervious and strong connection between us. Sometimes I lay my hand to the right of me (because that is where you are) and I feel you pick my hand up and hold it tightly, as if to tell me to be patient that you won’t be long. I smile and lean slightly to my right to lay my head upon your shoulder, just for a second to let you know that I understand, and I am waiting patiently, because love is patient. Love waits.
As I look into our horizon, I want you to know that I love you and I am waiting to be with you forever. My love, with you, is where I belong and I will not completely know rest until the moment I lay eyes upon you, and you wrap me in your arms, and I lay my head upon your chest, where I’ve always belonged.
Love,
Sharlene
I feel so good today that I will share the best picture that has ever been taken of me.
I was at my parents today and this picture is on their dresser in their bedroom. In the picture frame, in the back of the picture, is a lock of my hair wrapped in a pink ribbon. Isn't that sweet?
My silly boy is with me this weekend:
I feel so damned good I don't know what to do with myself so I decided to share the worst picture ever taken of me.
Let me set this picture up. My dad and I used to go fishing together. I had two brothers but for some reason, Dad always took me. This particular fishing trip was when I was married to Brandi's dad. They own an island, off of the Gulf of Mexico, called Chenier au Tigre, (French for Land of the Tiger) I dearly loved going there and probably was one of the things I missed most about being married to him, the opportunity to go there to fish, crab, seine
and swim in the muddy waters of the Gulf of Mexico.
( large net with sinkers on one edge and floats on the other that hangs vertically in the water and is used to enclose and catch fish when its ends are pulled together or are drawn ashore)
This particular trip, my Dad and I, had put out the gill net (which is illegal now) and we caught this huge garfish. We had a great time getting it out of the net and we were so proud of our "trash" catch. There's not much you can do with a garfish because the meat is mushy.
Please check out Brandi on the far right hand corner. If that ain't redneck with her can of beer full of koolaid in it. My grandmother loved beer and Brandi always wanted some and my grandmother would fill her beer can up with "beer".
I am 28 in this picture and don't look a day over 10 with my stick figure and cigarette dangling from my right hand.
LSU lost today so in the spirit of that I will talk about death.
A couple of months ago my cousin died. She was a year older than me. She was getting ready to come out of the mental hospital and she just dropped dead. No apparent cause. Died. The end to a very tormented life.
She is extremely happy right now except for one thing:
I went to the funeral home and they had her dressed in this god-awful purple suit. I thought to myself, she looks very uncomfortable lying there. I know she’s dead and doesn’t feel a thing but she just looks hot and stuffy in that suit. I never saw her in a suit during life so why would they put one on her for her trip to heaven?
The following weekend my daughter came to my house. I sat her down and told her my wish upon death. Death is not a comfortable subject with Brandi because she doesn’t like the idea of me dying, but I told her that it was likely that I would die in her lifetime. I really hated to break it to her but I had to. She laughed and allowed me to state the following:
Please do not put me in stuffy clothes. I want to be wearing a white negligee and if my nipples are stiff upon death and shows through the white material, please do not cover them with a bra! Lay some soft material between the nipples and lace. I know this is not an appealing thought to you guys out there, but deal with it, these are my wishes!
I mean, have you ever seen someone sleeping in a suit during life unless they are passed out from too much drinking? No one in their right mind goes to bed in a suit; therefore, I can’t imagine arriving in heaven in a dark heavy suit. I know if I’m wearing that, God will turn me around and tell me to put on more suitable clothes. I’m saving myself the trip back.
Also, I stated a wish for everyone to have a high old time, laughing and catching up with each other at my funeral. We all know that a funeral is usually a family reunion. I want everyone to laugh, dance and joke at my funeral simply because I believe death is a joyous occasion and if anyone is crying, I’ll be up in heaven laughing at their asses.
By the way, you are all invited! No, I’m not dying,at least not that I know of, but life should never be taken for granted.
Here today gone tomorrow.
Damn! LSU should have won! Now I’ve got everyone depressed!
Got to get on the stick before I dry up!
We have finally hired a new lady for the accounting department. She is in the office with me and we get along fabulously! She is a joy to work with and we have so much in common that I felt rather comfortable telling her about Joey even though she just started working with me yesterday. She clowned me about him and it was rather amusing when I was telling her about him failing me this morning and not turning my light green. "Martha" looked at me and she said; " he may not have turned the light green but I was there in the left lane to let you flow into traffic." And indeed she was and I had completely forgotten that. So he accomplished his mission in a totally different way than I expected. When Martha left this afternoon she told me to tell "Joey" to let her know when to leave her house in the mornings so she could be exactly where I needed her to be in the traffic flow.
As I was showering tonight, I realized what a joy, Joey has been for me these past few days and I regretted not naming him Joy, but then I realized if you remove the "e" he becomes joy...sometimes he’s a regular joe and sometimes he’s joy to me.
I also read today thatyou should speak out loud to your angel because they are not like God. They cannot read your thoughts, so if your angel isn’t responding to your calls, it’s possible he can’t hear you.
I have Joey on a mission right now.
No, I have not fallen off the deep end. I happen to truly believe in angels.
It is so quiet that you can hear a pin drop. As I am praying the rosary, I hear a heavy sigh and what I believe to be a hiccup, coming from the man. I do not look in his direction because it sounds to me like he is sobbing. I start praying fervently for this man to be relieved of all of his pain and suffering because obviously if he is going to let out a sob, it must be truly painful, whatever he is enduring.
A few minutes later, I venture a look in his direction, and it took everything within my power not to laugh at my piousness, because this man obviously had fallen asleep and let out a few snores, which I interpreted and heard as sobs.
I almost lost it! And then I smiled and silently thanked God for another journal entry.
I have successfully, without evidence, eliminated every male that I was dating. It was far easier than I thought it would be. All I did was tell them the truth. I figured telling them that their life depended on them staying away from the madness of a woman with a knife wielding tendency would do the trick. You know it’s truly remarkable how quickly they vanished. I was truly upset how little they cared about my state of well-being. They were so selfish as to only think of their lives. You just can’t find a good man these days! What ever happened to unconditional love? Putting your life into the hands of fate?
On a serious note, my medication is doing wonders for me. I see a tremendous difference in my outlook on life. I still have my emotional moments but they are so controllable and bearable now. I don’t have that feeling of dread anymore. I think that was the worst part of it all. Dreadful feelings.
The best part of all is the feelings of hope that I have now. I will all of a sudden smile and my heart will leap with a feeling of joy and hope. It’s a wonderful feeling! Sometimes I find myself laughing out loud by myself with stupid thoughts. That was unheard of before. Sometimes I wonder if I haven’t fallen off the other end? If there’s a fine line between love and hate then I’m sure there’s a fine line between sane and insane. I’ll let you know when I figure out which one I am.
Is depression a form of insanity? Please don’t answer that with "I don’t know". Research it and get back with me and if necessary lie to me. Remember the knife.
If you don’t hear from me in the near future, it’s because I have gone for my mamogram. It has been known to take them a very long time to find that part of my anatomy that requires squeezing. Most of the time they ask me why I even bother.
It's just like magic. When you live by yourself, all of your annoying habits are gone."
--Merrill Markoe
This is Brandi and Matthew at the same age. When this picture was taken of Matthew it reminded me so much of the picture I had taken of Brandi at the same age. I keep this picture on my refrigerator to remind myself how lucky I am to have had the opportunity to re-live Brandi in Matthew:
I am back from a funtastic weekend! My grandson enjoyed his Big Football Game. He was so mesmerized by it all. It was hot, humid and it rained We all got soaking wet but welcomed the coolness. Matthew wanted to come home with me and it was so heartbreaking to have to leave him. He stayed by my side, so afraid I was going to leave him. I don't think kids realize how much they miss someone until they see them again. Here are a few pics:
LSU 48 Mississippi State 17
Ask me if I'm happy! I have 6 FREE tickets to see my beloved LSU Tigers! I'm taking my daughter, her husband, my favorite little man, and two other friends. My grandson LOVES football so I know he will absolutely love the excitement of Tiger Stadium!
Geaux Tigers
The most frequent side effects reported with Lexapro are nausea,(I feel very pregnant) insomnia, (I thought depression caused insomnia why does the cure cause it too?) problems with ejaculation,(this is where the Professor of Bull may come in handy) somnolence, (you can't sleep but you stay sleepy...shit!) increased sweating, (okay, Secret don't fail me now!) fatigue, (another sympthom of depression why does the cure cause it too...isn't this all a double whammy?) decreased libido, and anorgasmia (I don't have to worry about this part right now...but maybe in a few weeks I'll be more in the frame of mind to test it? Oh that's right...I have to find a man first...oh dear...that might be a problem)
The cure seems to be worse than the depression and I have an extreme headache from all the serotonin levels being increased in this brain. No damned telling what will come off these fingers with the brain waves catapulting around. In my mind I see this graph which shows the levels flunctuating. One minute I'm way up here and the next I'm way down there. My graph is very colorful and pretty. My ups are vermillion red and my downs are royal blue. Right now I'm pretty mellow yellow. I wonder if it has anything to do with the wine I wasn't supposed to consume on this drug?
Oh yeah, I was told not to make any major decisions in my life at this point. Damn! I really wanted to marry that hunk who asked me yesterday, but after reading all the side effects of Lexapro, I realized it probably wouldn't be a good idea for him to marry someone who can't ejaculate or orgasmatize him. Where's that fake cow vagina when you need it?
I was told not to make the decision to sale my house right now. The realtor came and assessed my house but when I told her that I could become a knife wielding maniac at any point she took her measurements and ran. She told me to call her when the effects of my medication were firmly instilled in my system. I truly believe that I will still want to sell because it was something I wanted to do even before my graph became so colorful.
Also, I believe in things falling into place when something is right. A guy that I work with has a one bedroom place for rent, 3 minutes from work, at a very reduced price from what everyone else is asking for rent. No more traveling the highways and byways back and forth two hours of my day every day. He will also hold it for me until I sell my house because he wants "good people" in there. Maybe I should tell him about my knife wielding tendencies?
As my realtor was running, she told me that I had a very good chance of selling it without a problem (there are no houses to be had here) plus with it being a sellers market right now...I can sell it for almost 30K more than I bought it. Of course we can't consider that a profit since I probably have paid that much in interest in the last 9 years. That's probably the only interest I've had in the last few years!
I have a tail....(not that tail!) yes I have a tale to tell. This is going to come as quite a surprise to many of you since I do not often talk about any of my truly personal problems in my journal but I feel a need to address this problem and only because it may help you or even someone you may know suffering from the same problem.
About 4 years ago I started suffering from insomnia. I could not sleep for the life of me and I'd have heart palpatations and extreme anxiety attacks. I had no clue what was happening to me but I called my gyno and told him about the sleeplessness. He prescribed me a sleep aid which wasn't helping. We finally figured out I was possibly going through a mild depression. He gave me prozac and it did wonders for me. I saw a different me.
I then met my third husband to be. We quickly fell in love and got married. Shortly after we got married I got off of the medication. That was over two years ago.
A year ago I went back to the doctor because I was going days without sleeping. He gave me Xanax. I started sleeping again but this past year has been hell for me. I have had complete loss of interest in all things. I tried to muster up interest. I thought if I found a man to "make me happy" then all would be well but as you all know I dated but found absolutely no joy in any of these guys. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I would find many things that would remind me of my ex and break down. Something was definitely wrong with me because I could not move on.
In the last year or so, most of my weekends were spent in bed moping and drowning in misery. I had no joy in life and I was getting scared. FEAR ruled me. I was scared of everything. I felt worthless. I feared new relationships. I feared public restrooms. I feared going out. I feared getting out of bed. The only thing that got me out was my need to go to Mass every Sunday. I prayed like Hades was coming to get me. I begged and pleaded and bargained with God, to no avail, but somewhere in all of that I believed!
I want you all to know I did go to workbut it was getting exceedingly difficult for me to even do that. I found myself restless and unable to concentrate at work. The feelings of being overwhelmed was overwhelming.
A month ago after not hearing from my ex in almost two years he accidently calls me. You can all say this is the straw that broke the camels back. I went into a tailspin. I kept asking God why oh why now? I cried endlessly in pain from all of the resurrected memories. I didn't have any answers to any of my whys. The only explanation that I could possibly give myself was that I had unspent agony that needed to be spent and you could swear I was rich because damn I was spending!
Last Wednesday I woke with the thought of life not being worth living. I wanted God to take me and NOW. I am not strong enough for suicide so I begged him to please do away with all of this misery that I've been going through. I truly wanted to be gone from this world. Let's factor in that I was invited to this weekend's LSU game and I turned it down.... Okay, time to go to the doctor Sharlene! LOL
God did answer my prayers but in his time not mine. I know he needed me to see a lot of things that I saw in my misery. I got answers to questions about my marriage that otherwise I may have not seen. I saw a lot of selfishness in me and my lack of response to any love given to me. I saw so many things that for years I never have seen about myself. My best friend told me I don't allow anyone to love me. I beg for love but when it is given I throw it away. FEAR.
Anyway, I went to the doctor yesterday. It will come to no surprise to all of you that I am in a SEVERE DEPRESSION. No longer mild but severe. After questioning me for what seemed like hours, he determined from my responses and my life in the last 2 years that getting off of prozac was not one of my smartest moves.
Let me recount to you what the doctor got out of me yesterday and the reasons for my depression will become crystal clear to even those of you who are not rocket scientists.
#1 Less than 3 years ago I got married for the 3rd time and moved away from daughter and grandson.
#2 Within 6 months it was over and I moved back and was divorced
#3 My daughter got married and took my grandson 2 hours away
#4 One of my dearest friends moved far far away
#5 I reconnected with an old friend and that ended
#6 Hurricane Katrina hit
#7 Hurricane Rita hit destroying many memories from my past.
#8 I switched jobs.
The doctor explained to me that any "one" of these things could have caused a depression but all of them in less than 2 years and plus factor in my family history of depression and you got ME. Why didn't I see it? I know my mother suffers from it and I had before so why didn't I get it? I know why now...because God wanted me to see and feel a lot and boy did I ever! And my philosophy is...you have to feel really bad in order to appreciate how really good you can feel.
I took my first Lexapro last night (by the way Xanax aggravates depression so I was having a double whammy) and I know it will take at least two weeks to feel the full effect of it and it's not possibly working but God was definitely working because this morning when the alarm went off....the song playing was..."Life is a highway and I want to ride it all night long" and I jumped up ON my bed and danced to that song. I was laughing with such joy and HOPE because I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know if any of you guys need this information but my Mom sent it to me and I thought it could be very helpful to anyone going through any kind of heartbreak.
How To Mend A Broken Heart?
============================
How do you mend a broken heart?
So what do you do when you've got a broken heart?
Here are four steps that will help you up that mountain.
1. Occupy 2. Gratify 3. Sanctify 4. Glorify.
Occupy:
Occupy your time, don't sit around moping.
Do something.
Idleness is the soil of self-pity and depression. Get busy.
The best thing that you can do is to do something that helps
others. It's a universal principle that when you start focusing
on helping others, your own problems are diminished.
Don't just stand there, DO SOMETHING!
Gratify:
Write a list of the things you like, then pick three of those
things and put those things in your life - now.
Make sure you can afford them and that they aren't harmful.
When our hearts are broken, we often deprive ourselves of the
things we enjoy. Make an effort to put enjoyment in your life.
Sanctify:
Do good. Don't return evil for evil, hurt for hurt, pain for
pain. Don't wish something horrible would happen to the other
person. Hope for their good fortune in your spirit, and it just
may release your good fortune in your world.
The easiest way to forget someone, is to truly wish them well.
Glorify:
Life is not over. You can live without them. Not only can you
live without them, you can live even happier without them.
It is a matter of perspective. Even with the negative in your
world at the moment, there is something to be thankful for.
There is plenty to be thankful for actually.
Give God the glory for what you have.
You can't be sad and thankful at the same time.
Tell heartbreak to move over.
I was showering and when I looked down at my feet, I knew summer was indeed over. My toenails are no longer manicured and my heels are not smooth as a baby's butt. Oh how we let ourselves go during the winter months and we have to work so damned hard two months prior to summer to get back where we were. Why oh why don't we just keep up with the program?
I really need a life!
Doubt sees the obstacles
Faith sees the way;
Doubt sees the blackest night,
Faith sees the day;
Doubt dreads to take a step,
Faith soars on high;
Doubt questions "Who believes?"
Faith answers "I"!
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial,
because when he has stood the test,
he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
(James 1:12 NIV)
The Rose
Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love it is a flower,
And you it’s only seed.
It’s the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It’s the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken,
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.
And the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun’s love,
In the spring, becomes a rose.
I have lived the American Dream. I’ve owned my own home and it ain’t all that and a bag of chips. I am alone with a three bedroom home. Why?
I’m packing my shit and getting the hell out of Dodge. I should have done this 2 years ago but now the market is much better for selling so the house goes on the market Saturday.
I have a lot of crap to get rid of but I want to live a VERY simple life of the bare essentials. I don’t want any albatrosses around my neck that will stop me from moving along wherever and whenever I decide to ride my horse out of Dodge.
Sometimes we have crap on top of crap that we don’t need. Why not give it to someone who will benefit from having it? We tend to be bound to our "stuff". I don’t want anything material binding me. I think it’s Southwest Airlines that says "you are free to move around the country". Well that’s gonna be me!
Okay, that all sounded good, but the truth is, I’m selling because my daughter is buying a home and she will need all my "stuff" and since I don’t need my "stuff" who better to give it to than the two people who mean everything to me? Essentially it is true that I want to live a simple life but I have selfish motives. If I give them everything that means they have to come and get it which leaves me less to deal with. I ain’t stupid!
I can’t tell you what a relief it is to finally decide to do it. Who knows I may even move closer to Brandi. Why not? Nothing is keeping me here. Actually there is nothing keeping me anywhere. Gosh, the freedom of it all!
Wisdom is the ability to use knowledge so as to meet successfully the emergencies of life. Men may acquire knowledge, but wisdom is a gift direct from God.
Bob Jones
Do you guys remember when I got stood up and I told you that I met a guy that night and he asked for my phone number? All I knew about this guy was that he was a teacher in the Dairy Department at Louisiana State University. He called me for a date Friday night and I accepted. He arrives at my home to pick me up and I was relieved that he looked exactly how I remembered. I had been drinking and you just never know what your mind convinces your eyes to see.
We went out to dinner and I proceeded to inquire about his duties in the Dairy Department at LSU. I envisioned him milking cows, cleaning cow shit and such.
I must say I have dated a lot in my time but have never dated a man who has ever done this for a living. It seems for many years he was a Bull Semen Collector. You guys know me and you can about imagine the ensuing conversation. I had to know it all and of course I got educated in the finer points of ejaculating a bull. I sincerely hope I never need the skills required to do this "job". He so graciously invited me one day to partake in viewing this process. He explained to me that he has taught this to over 5000 students and a lot of them faint when they see it. I asked what he meant by "it" and of course he was talking about the size of the bull’s penis. I’m not too sure that I could handle it since I have not been intimate with a man in such a long time. I think I would faint from the romance of it all. OMG I’m sick!
I, of course, had to joke and ask if he whispered in the bull’s ear to get him prepared and/or put romantic music on to set the mood. He was very nice about my good hearted humor. He said that throughout the years he has heard it all when it comes to the wisecracks.
FYI, in case you do not know they do not manually ejaculate a bull. They have (this is where it got funny in the explanation) warm fake cow vaginas that they entice the bulls to mount. Now it takes a lot of panache to sit there with an almost total stranger and converse about fake cow vaginas and erect bull penises.
I have found this dating process to be very educational. I have met a Professor of Bull and that’s no shit!
UPDATE on the guy who stood me up: It seems his ex girlfriend had called him and he got all tangled up in old feelings for her and he didn’t know how to call and tell me. We have now become friends. I told him it was no excuse for doing that but I understood since ironically the same thing had happened to me the following week.
As you may all know my son in law is 14 years older than my daughter and closer to my age. This weekend I requested that I see my grandson and they informed me that they were going to North Louisiana to a family reunion. They invited me to accompany them and possibly meet my son in law's brother. I sent my daughter an email declining the invitation. Here is the email and my reasons for declining:
I have no words of wisdom or inspiration today. Hold on! Here's one:
If it looks like a skunk and smells like a skunk...you damned better believe it's a skunk!
Friday I had the most fulfilling date of all time. I was completely and totally taken by surprise with my ability to allow someone to conquer me in such a fashion. I learned about submission and we all know that I do NOT believe in the part of the bible that says a woman should be submissive to her man.
The date started normally. I met him at a local establishment for a nice dinner. He met me outside and I found him to be a most attractive young gentleman. As usual, at first it was a bit awkward but once we had a few margaritas in us, we became very open and was able to speak of many things. I could see we were clicking and I think he was feeling the same so after the meal he invited me to his place. I could not find it within myself to say no.
I follow him to his place in my car. As I am following him, I can feel the excitement within myself. This was a first for me and I was amazed that I was actually at his place with him. I get out of my car and walk to the door with him. He unlocks the door and invites me in.
I walk in and immediately notice the mattress on the floor. I'm a little uncomfortable but he begins showing me around his place and I start to feel a bit more at ease with the situation. He excuses himself to the bathroom. While he is gone, I look around at all the paraphernalia he has at his place but my main focus was the mattress on the floor. I'm pacing and wondering what I have gotten myself into. Should I back out and leave? Oh, but too late!
He returns from the bathroom with his pajamas on. My eyes immediately become saucers in my white face because he looks absolutely gorgeous in them. I realize in my heart that I have made the right choice and that this will be good for my soul and that he will teach me a gentle way. He is going to teach me to be a better person, in the physical, intellectual and moral sense.
My heart is leaping in my chest when I notice that he has a smaller pair of pajamas in his hands. He hands them to me and invites me to remove my boots and my clothing and put the p.j.'s on. I, being the modest gal that I am, close myself into the bathroom, panicking with each button that I undo, but I know I have come this far and I can't turn back.
When I finally exit the bathroom, my gaze immediately becomes glued to him standing erect on the mattress. I am flushed with excitement as he begins talking about conquering and submission. Showing me things I have never experienced but have only dreamed about. . At this point I had no clue who was going to submit or who was going to conquer but he had me mesmerized at the possibilities.
He holds out his hand in an invitation for me to join him on the mattress and I grab his arm and I put my arm around his waist and I twist around with my back to him. Oh my God! I immediately notice my powers over him. He is defenseless as I bring him to the mattress onto his back. My knees go weak when he flips me onto my back and he's between my legs! Instead of panicking I realize he has given me the knowledge and leverage that I need. With me on my back, and him between my legs, he is totally defenseless to my charms! I now have the upper hand or should I say legs? I wrap my long legs around his neck and I keep them there until the final climactic moment where he taps me and says "I submit".
And there you have in intimate detail my first date with Terry. I have included a picture of this fine gentlemen (he is on the right) and I thank him for such an enriching experience and I definitely hope to continue learning his ways because they are very gratifying!
Terry is a 1st Degree Black Belt Judo Instructor
It seems the consensus is I should hold out for more money...no one seemed to give a rats ass about my morals. LOL
After telling the young gentlemen my answer he so eloquently wrote me back apologizing:
oh, i'm sorry for asking, but you are really beautiful, and it'd be awesome to be able to draw, then paint you...it's not as dirty as you might think, it is really sensual. the nudity would actually be concealed by a blanket, shirt, or something of that nature, and there are no facial shots, it's purely for emotion...
I think I am now flattered but now my question is:
Whose emotion? His or mine?
As you all know I am on myspace.com and sometimes you get the strangest requests...this is a first for me..... coming from a 24 year old artist.
wouldl u ever consider modeling for erotic art? it pays $25/hr...
My answer:
OMG...that is so funny...no I have never considered it.. My moral values wouldn't allow me to do that.
I'm re-thinking this...$25.00 an hour??? Hmmm...morals? money? morals? money? What do you think? LOL
Once again I ventured out on the town with my daughter. She was in from LaPlace and her "second daddy" as she refers to him was playing at a local club called "Bob's Pub". We ran into a bunch of people I graduated with and that were associated with bands that Brandi's father was a part of. Way back when, I lived the band lifestyle. Going to clubs and meeting an assortment of people. Last night I reaquainted myself with a few. I heard the most profound statement coming from a girl I went to school with. Seems her life has not changed much from way back when. Brandi and I could not help but roll from the profoundness of it. Here's the story:
Apparently this woman left her daughter and grandson to be with her fiance'. (not a big deal) She informed Brandi and I that her fiance' died sometime within the last few months and in relating to us her return this is her statement:
"I am back from leaving"
OMG...Brandi and I almost lost it!
I know, it may not seem funny to you, but when you've had a few coronas, it was hilarious.
I've never been one to love a celebrity but I can assure you I love Keith Urban and his music. His new song came out...he made country music history...it is the highest debuting country song ever. The lyrics...and the song...make you hope for exactly what he sings about...and damned if he don't make it seem possible with every word.
Once in a Lifetime
I can see it in your eyes
and feel it in your touch
I know that you're scared
but you've never been this loved
it's a long shot baby,
yeah I know it's true
but if anyone can make it
I'm bettin' on me and you
just keep on movin' into me
I know you're gonna see
the best is yet to come
and don't fear it now
we're goin' all the way
that sun is shinin' on a brand new day
it's a long way down
and it's a leap of faith
but I'm never givin up
'cause I know we've got a once in a lifetime love
everybody's lookin' for what we've found
some wait their whole life and it never comes round
so don't hold back now
just let go
of all you've ever known
you can put your hand in mine
and don't fear it now
we're goin' all the way
that sun is shinin' on a brand new day
it's a long way down
and it's a leap of faith
but I'm never givin up
'cause I know we've got a once in a lifetime love
I close my eyes and I see you standin' right there
sayin' I do and they're throwin' the rice in our hair
well the first one's born
then her brother comes along
and he's got your smile
I've been lookin back
on the life we've had
still by your side
so don't fear it now
we're goin' all the way
that sun is shinin' on a brand new day
it's a long way down
and it's a leap of faith
but I'm never givin up
cause I know we've got a once in a lifetime love
lifetime love
I have not bored you guys with a date story in a while so I’m long overdue. This one is very short and sweet.
I was supposed to have a second follow up date last night with a new friend that I met last week. He was supposed to call me and confirm the plans, etc. The only problem is I assume he lost my home number, all my email addresses, cell number and fax number. I’m sure he also didn’t know smoke signals nor did he have a pigeon because I did not hear a word from him. I’m assuming that I was stood up. Well this morning I know I was stood up because I received an email stating that he had family problems. I’m sure there is more to it than that OR he’d have used any of the aforementioned forms of communication to let me know this, but fear not J-landers, I did not let the night waste. I was fortunate enough to have a female friend who ironically also got stood up last night...I wonder if it is the same guy?
Her and I carried ourselves over to the Atchafalaya Club in Henderson. For those of you who can’t pronounce Atchafalaya....let me help you. A chaf a lie ya. (The "t" is silent) I know I should have been an English teacher.
Playing at the Atchafalaya Club was Travis Matte and the Zydeco Kingpins. www.travismatte.com MY friend and I were in the mood for shaking our booty so we found ourselves a dancing partner. We did not mind sharing him but it was I who got asked for my phone number. So not all was lost! I don’t know why I bother but he asked so I gave it.
I quit drinking about 2 hours before I left because I knew I had to drive an hour to get home. I am not a big drinker and I’m very cautious about drinking and driving. When I arrived back into my home town the APD decided to have a DUI checkpoint. Never in my life have I ever been tested for alcohol consumption. When they stopped me and asked if I had been drinking, I was honest with them and told them that, yes, I had drank two coronas about 2 hours previously. The officer told me that I would have to pull over to be tested. I had no clue what this entailed but I was getting ready to find out. Here is the ensuing dialog:
Officer: "Mame, please get your drivers license and step out of the car."
Me: "Okay Officer"
Officer " What do you have in that container"
Me " Sir, that is watered down ice that I got before I left the bar" Anyone who knows me knows I love to chew ice but the officer thought I was lying so he had to sniff it. Water indeed.
Officer: "Step over here I’m going to have to test you"
Me: "Yes sir Officer!"
Officer: "I need you to follow my finger"
Me: (I really wanted to pass the test!) : "Hmmm...Sir where is it going and would you mind giving me directions ."
He wasn’t amused.
I passed the test and even though I passed they wanted to know if I knew someone who could come and get me. I told him that I was stood up tonight and if I can’t get a date to take me out what made him think I could find someone to take me home?
The officer hollers at one of his fellow officers and says "Dane, you said you think you know her?"
Dane: "Yes, I know her! I've seen her on myspace.com"
Me: "Thank you Dane and tell your mother I said hi!"
Alleluia Dane you saved my ass from having to find someone to come get me.
I just got back from Mass...the 4 P.M. Mass is all comprised of elderly people. They are very amusing because they are hard of hearing and there whispers are very loud. You can hear the entire conversation that they are having in whispered roars. What is most amusing is when they are talking about you and they think that they are not being heard. You get some great insight into what they think of the younger generation and their tight jeans. "Lord have Mercy! That girl should be ashamed of herself coming into Mass with them jeans on! Well I never!" (and you probably never will...)
A person must also smile at, what they assume, is the silent letting go of hurricane force winds and of course their sense of smell is no longer as acute. Whoosh! I can tell you I'm still young because my sense of smell is awesome and besides moth balls that is the worst smell imaginable in church.
God help me when I get to be farty and deaf.
It is now time to renew my Tiger Oath. I am counting down to kickoff
I , Sharlene, solemnly swear to do the following to ensure that I remain a member of the most passionate, intimidating, and sometimes scary fan base known to man. I agree to DO the following:
1. I will always cheer for LSU in sound levels that would make a banshee proud....and deaf. I will agree to do this whether in Tiger Stadium, at an opposing stadium, in front of a TV, at a bar/restaurant, or at a friend's/family member's wedding/funeral with strategically placed ear phones.
2. I will wear purple and gold to games. I will NOT, however, under any circumstances wear purple and gold camouflage overalls, pants, or hats.....EVER.
3. Speaking of not wearing camouflage overalls, don't wear overalls at all. If that's all you own, you might need to examine the fact that you might be a Mississippi St. fan or a member of Dexy's Midnight Runners.
4. I will continue to tailgate in a way that is representative of my school's perennial National Champions of Tailgating title. This means good food, good music, lots of alcohol, and great people.
5. When tailgating, I will not devote more time to the centerpiece than I do for preparing food. If this is the case, I might as well become an Ole Miss fan. They are big believers of style without substance.
6.. I will invite visiting fans to our tailgate spot and give them a hard time before taking them in as one of our own, feeding them, and getting them drunk.
7. I will NOT act in a way that promotes the negative stereotype that LSU has bad fans.
8. I will NOT boo our players while at games. I can boo college coaches and NFL players and coaches but NOT college kids. Remember, if they don't receive a paycheck, I can't boo them. I can, however, boo Alabama and Tennessee players because they all get paid.
9. I will not leave a game before the 5 min. mark in the 4th qtr unless LSU is up by 21 or more, and I/someone with me is: vomiting, bleeding, and/or stricken with hysterical blindness. Beating traffic is not a viable excuse until I reach age 80.
10. I will continue to believe that Mike the Tiger's roaring before a game has everything to do with his school spirit and nothing to do with a human in a tiger costume that Mike can't stand. (*ahem* ignore this part... I'm cute and fuzzy)
11. I will stop trying to start a wave. Waves are for soccer or Tulane fans.
12. I will cheer for our team on offense but only when the play is over, the team needs to be able to hear when in the huddle and when lining up for the snap. On defense, I will constantly scream at the top of my lungs, like a nine year old running from Neverland Ranch.
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Sharlene, you are a BLUE personality. The Core Motivation that drives you through life is "Intimacy". (yeah right, I run like hell from intimacy) It is important to note that this does not mean sexual intimacy. (no shit?) BLUES need connection - the sharing of rich, deep emotions that bind people together. (I've been bound about 3 too many times) As a BLUE, you will often sacrifice a great deal of time, effort, and/or personal convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships throughout your life. (That's a laugh...ask any of my husbands they will tell you I expend zilch time maintaining anything but myself)
BLUES seek opportunities to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated, especially by their partner. (Okay, I can believe this one about myself, of course it's self serving...I NEED to be appreciated...note the "I") Everything you do as a BLUE has to be quality-based, or you won't do it at all. (emphasis on don't do anything at all) You are incredibly loyal to friends, employers, employees, and above all to your significant other. (Yes, this is true) Whatever or whomever you commit to is your sole (and soul) focus. (Some would disagree but I wholeheartedly believe this of myself) As a BLUE, you love to serve and will give freely of yourself in order to nurture the lives of others. (Now that is pure bullshit)
BLUES have distinct preferences and are the most controlling of the four personalities, although they may not acknowledge (or even realize) the fact. Your code of ethics is remarkably strong and you expect others (not only your partner and those closest to you, but everyone) to live honest, committed lives as well. You enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation with your partner as well as remembering special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). (you got me completely tagged on this paragraph)
They will not be moving closer to me...oh well....maybe I'll move closer to them. God has other plans for them and of course his plans are far better than what I can foresee.
I have to look on the bright side of this...I can still have a social life...If they moved here, I'd probably be babysitting every weekend.
Everyone knows how much these two buggers mean to me and how I hated it when they moved 2 1/2 hours away from me. You also may recall that my daughter's husband is looking for a head coaching position and that a few months back he had an interview in Farmerville Louisiana. I prayed like the dickens for him not to get that position and he didn't. Now I'm again praying. Another head coaching position opened up and he interviewed today for it and they want him to return Tuesday for a second interview. I would like you guys to pray like the dickens that he gets this job because it's in my hometown where I live and the school that both Brandi and I graduated. She would be moving back home with my little man!
Today my journal is one year old. Happy Birthday to my journal!
I will share a few vacation pics with you.
Me and Matthew on the beach.
Matthew with his stuffed python snake that he had to have from Gulf World. He carried it around his neck the entire trip.
Matthew and Brandi at Gulf World
Matthew with his bubble machine.
Brandi doing her Muslim act. I'm sure she'll get a lot of attention with this beach get up.
The family at Gulf World
Me and Matthew snoozing on the way back from Florida.
Jumping up and down! Oh Jimmy! I'm proud of you too!
