Death

LSU lost today so in the spirit of that I will talk about death.

A couple of months ago my cousin died. She was a year older than me. She was getting ready to come out of the mental hospital and she just dropped dead. No apparent cause. Died. The end to a very tormented life.

She is extremely happy right now except for one thing:

I went to the funeral home and they had her dressed in this god-awful purple suit. I thought to myself, she looks very uncomfortable lying there. I know she’s dead and doesn’t feel a thing but she just looks hot and stuffy in that suit. I never saw her in a suit during life so why would they put one on her for her trip to heaven?

The following weekend my daughter came to my house. I sat her down and told her my wish upon death. Death is not a comfortable subject with Brandi because she doesn’t like the idea of me dying, but I told her that it was likely that I would die in her lifetime. I really hated to break it to her but I had to. She laughed and allowed me to state the following:

Please do not put me in stuffy clothes. I want to be wearing a white negligee and if my nipples are stiff upon death and shows through the white material, please do not cover them with a bra! Lay some soft material between the nipples and lace. I know this is not an appealing thought to you guys out there, but deal with it, these are my wishes!

I mean, have you ever seen someone sleeping in a suit during life unless they are passed out from too much drinking? No one in their right mind goes to bed in a suit; therefore, I can’t imagine arriving in heaven in a dark heavy suit. I know if I’m wearing that, God will turn me around and tell me to put on more suitable clothes. I’m saving myself the trip back.

Also, I stated a wish for everyone to have a high old time, laughing and catching up with each other at my funeral. We all know that a funeral is usually a family reunion. I want everyone to laugh, dance and joke at my funeral simply because I believe death is a joyous occasion and if anyone is crying, I’ll be up in heaven laughing at their asses.

By the way, you are all invited! No, I’m not dying,at least not that I know of, but life should never be taken for granted.

Here today gone tomorrow.

Damn! LSU should have won! Now I’ve got everyone depressed!