That ain't no bull!

 

Do you guys remember when I got stood up and I told you that I met a guy that night and he asked for my phone number? All I knew about this guy was that he was a teacher in the Dairy Department at Louisiana State University. He called me for a date Friday night and I accepted. He arrives at my home to pick me up and I was relieved that he looked exactly how I remembered. I had been drinking and you just never know what your mind convinces your eyes to see.

We went out to dinner and I proceeded to inquire about his duties in the Dairy Department at LSU. I envisioned him milking cows, cleaning cow shit and such.

I must say I have dated a lot in my time but have never dated a man who has ever done this for a living. It seems for many years he was a Bull Semen Collector. You guys know me and you can about imagine the ensuing conversation. I had to know it all and of course I got educated in the finer points of ejaculating a bull. I sincerely hope I never need the skills required to do this "job". He so graciously invited me one day to partake in viewing this process. He explained to me that he has taught this to over 5000 students and a lot of them faint when they see it. I asked what he meant by "it" and of course he was talking about the size of the bull’s penis. I’m not too sure that I could handle it since I have not been intimate with a man in such a long time. I think I would faint from the romance of it all. OMG I’m sick!

I, of course, had to joke and ask if he whispered in the bull’s ear to get him prepared and/or put romantic music on to set the mood. He was very nice about my good hearted humor. He said that throughout the years he has heard it all when it comes to the wisecracks.

FYI, in case you do not know they do not manually ejaculate a bull. They have (this is where it got funny in the explanation) warm fake cow vaginas that they entice the bulls to mount. Now it takes a lot of panache to sit there with an almost total stranger and converse about fake cow vaginas and erect bull penises.

I have found this dating process to be very educational. I have met a Professor of Bull and that’s no shit!

UPDATE on the guy who stood me up: It seems his ex girlfriend had called him and he got all tangled up in old feelings for her and he didn’t know how to call and tell me. We have now become friends. I told him it was no excuse for doing that but I understood since ironically the same thing had happened to me the following week.