Birthday Wishes

Today is my birthday.

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Birthday Dear Me!

Happy birthday to me!

And many more!

Today I am 27 years older than I was when I turned 20. You do the math.

Today I look too old to be this young......I mean I am too old to look this young. Yeah that’s it!

Today is the day I skip the candles on my cake and just light the cake.

Imagine my surprise when I got myself a digital camera for my birthday. I was so excited when I opened it! See it takes much clearer pictures than that old camera phone. Now you will be able to see all my wrinkles when I take pics. :)

I was born in the month of Breast Awareness..what a joke...I have always been aware that I have no breasts...who needs a month to commemorate that? Oh! it's Breast Cancer Awareness....glad that was clarified! Time to slam the refrigerator door on the breast month. All you gals out there old like me...I mean over 40...GO HAVE A MAMMOGRAM!

I bet you thought you’d get away without hearing a breast story. Wrong!

I have been diagnosed with fibrocystic breasts (hell I don’t know how to spell it) In lay terms they are lumpy fluid like pockets that are very rarely cancerous.

My gynecologist decided I needed to see a breast specialist for this condition. He refers me to Dr. Budden (yes that is really his name!) And Dr. Budden informs me that I need to have my cysts aspirated.

I said "what?"

He explains to me, " drained/suctioned by a needle"

I asked "when?" because in my little mind I thought we’d make an appointment and I’d be sufficiently medicated (totally put under) (out)( kaput) Oh but no!

He says "right now."

I said "come again...I know I heard you wrong."

No amount of cajoling on my part could turn him away from this courseof action. He proceeds to pull out his long needle and I damn near aspirated all over myself while he's puncturing my breasts and suctioning all the fluid.

When he was finished...I was weak and boob-less. What I once thought were my breasts instead turn out to be a mass of fluids masquerading as teats. Adding insult to injury he places a bandaid on my wounds. He could have boosted my ego by at least placing a 2 x 2 guaze instead. Come on doc..a little sensitivity here. I blame him entirely for my self esteem problem.

Oh and wait! He tells me not to eat chocolate, nor drink caffiene and limit my salt intake. I'm sure he's got a vendetta out for me.

* *No man in his right mind will look at this boobless woman and now he's trying to take away my only other pleasures in life?

I don't think so Dr. Budden!

My thoughts were: You drained my boobs so why should I have to stop all the things that are supposedly harming them? Can't harm something that doesn't exist, right?

 

Disclaimer: (isn't that what you call this?)

** I want to state that in being silly I do not wish to insult anyone with the idea that men/women are so superficial as not to love/want a woman for more than her body and/or body parts. I am well aware that there are many women out there with men/women who love them regardless of the state of their bodies. I for one may face that very destiny as many others before me have. I admire any woman (or man) who has had to endure breast cancer and salute their courageousness.

 

A little history of October 28th:

 

The Statue of Liberty will celebrate her 119th Anniversary today as well. She's older than me and looks better. What's up with that?

Statue History:

Lady Liberty was the brainchild of Parisian intellectuals who envisioned the statue as a monument to freedom and international friendship. Sculptor Frederic Auguste Bartholdi, with the help of Alexandre Gustave Eiffel, was commissioned to design the sculpture in time for America's 1876 centennial. Monetary concerns prevented her from arriving until 1886.

 

October 28, 1958 Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli, elected Pope, taking name John XXIII

October 28, 1956 Pope Pius XII publishes encyclical Luctuosissimi eventus

October 28, 1965 Pope Paul VI proclaims Jews not collectively guilty for crucifixion

October 28, 1061 Emperor disposes of bishop Cadalus and Pope Honorius II

(what's the deal with my birthdate and popes?)

 

For those of you who have endured this entire entry to the bitter end....I am posting a pic of myself in my birthday suit:

 

DAMN I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO USE THAT CAMERA!