In all my Weirdness

I have been tagged by both StupidSheetGuy and Hadonfield Myers to name 5 weird things about myself. I'm going to have to make these up because I don’t have a weird bone in my body.

1. My mouth is always moving and I'm not talking. Not a real weird thing in itself but 8 years ago I quit smoking and I now I have the habit of chewing gum. That isn't even weird, but if I don't have something in my mouth to chew on at all times, I end up chewing whatever is available inside my mouth, be it my tongue, my lips, or the side of my mouth.

2. The taste of water gags me so I've become an ice connoisseur. I eat at least a bag of ice a day. My favorite ice being the kind that is oblong with a hole in the middle. (Okay! I know I'm weird, but you asked for it!) I think this weirdness could also be in line with #1 since my mouth moves in this endeavor as well, but I choose to see it as different weirdness.

3. I love to rub a man's stomach. I have a stomach fetish. It relaxes me, but unfortunately it has the opposite affect on the man.

4. I am a Cajun, and I live amongst many Cajuns, but even they would find it weird that I listen to really bad Cajun music in my car. I am tuned in to www.kbon.com and most of the music is so bad, I have to laugh and people driving along next to me, assuredly, think I’ve lost my mind.

5. Last, but not least, I hate door knobs in public restroom and even in not so public restrooms. (Do you guys realize how many people don't wash their hands and use the door knobs immediately after doing their business?) I can enter any bathroom and never touch a thing. I'm always armed with paper towels or something other than my bare hands. GermX is a staple in my purse.

I tag:

MY COUNTRY LIFE (Mosie1944)

my brain is in pain (Garnett 109)

Waiting to Exhale.. (Jackie)

SERIOUSLY THOUGH (luvatalaff)

Inane thoughts and insane ramblings (Chris)

Bye Bye 2005

As the New Year approaches and resolutions draw near, I have to ask myself if I want to be at the same place this time next year. If not, then what do I need to do to propel myself into a new direction? New Year's is always a time of reflection for me. Looking back on the year and taking assessments of myself and what I have accomplished. Looking back one last time on the sadness and crying, but also looking at all the joys and laughing. Ringing in the new and leaving behind the old things that are no longer useful to the person I want to become.

I have thought about this and the one thing I know without a doubt is, I want to work on my feelings inside. I would like to feel my mind and my soul in sync with one another. I want to feel beautiful inside and at peace with myself. I want to see what others see when they delve within my depths. I want to appreciate what God created in me and spring forth a joy that glows to all that surround me. I want a spiritual cleansing of body, mind and soul.

I also want to see the good in all that come into my path and appreciate what God has created in every human being. I want to see the good within everyone even the ones who appear to have not one iota of saving grace within them. I want to show them the goodness that God placed in their soul.

In 2006, I do not want to be self-seeking and selfish. I want to give more of myself. I want to live 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient

Love is kind

It is not jealous

nor pompous

it is not inflated

it is not rude

it does not seek it's own interests

it is not quick tempered

it does not brood over injury

it does not rejoice over wrongdoing

but rejoices with the truth

It bears all things

believes all things

hopes all things

endure all things

Love never fails.

And while I'm living Corinthians,  I want to find somewhere on this earth Solomon's Song of Songs 3:1-5

All night long on my bed
I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him.

I will get up now and go about the city,
through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
So I looked for him but did not find him.

The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
"Have you seen the one my heart loves?"

Scarcely had I passed them
when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
till I had brought him to my mother's house,
to the room of the one who conceived me.

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

I wish everyone a Joyous and Happy New Year. May God reign down his blessings on you and your family. May you all see the beauty within yourself and smile for all the world to see that, indeed, you are good!

                                                    

Massage Update

I drank too much wine and the screwing didn't go too well.  My massager sprung a leak.  It was prematurely ejaculating everywhere.  I guess it was excited.

The hose was too stiff to work with (you know how it is when things are new).  I had to let it hang awhile so I could screw it good and proper.

We won't talk about the pulsating that caused.

A massage

I am having a glass of Chardonnay and afterward,  I am getting a massage but I have to do a little screwing first. 

 Everything comes with a price. 

 

I'll let you know if it was worth it.

Christmas Pictures

Here are a few pics I took of my favorite little man on Christmas morning.  I just know you are all dying to see them.

Here's my little Rocky Balboa.  He had a run in with a little boy at preschool.  Austin pushed him against a table and he has a black eye but of course when I tell him it's black he says "No!  Nammy it's blue" and of course he's correct.  With his missing two front teeth, he looks like a very abused child, but of course he's not.

I thought this picture was pretty cute with his shirt captioned "Having a Bad Toy Day" and then he opens a Barney tape and his tongue is sticking out to show his appreciation.

Son-n-law chilling out on the couch during these highly exciting festivities.  My daughter has delegated him to sleeping on the couch already.

Big old smile for the Elmo that knows his name.

I had to travel two hours to get to my Mom who is in the hospital with pnuemonia.  I know she's going to appreciate me posting this pic.  I drove there to cook for my Dad and brothers. Dad is peeking over the packages.

And here is me with my new shorter hairstyle.  I was so thoroughly pissed at my hairstylist but what the hell can  you expect from a Walmart Stylist. It was all one length and I asked her for LONG layers.  She didn't comprehend long.  You can tell by my smile I'm not too enthused.

             

 

                                                                            

Time for a highlight job...my roots are showing.  I promise I won't be going to Walmart for that.  Does Target have a hair salon?

Piggish

  <<<<<<ME.   I feel like a tee cochon (little pig) I am literally rolling everywhere since I can't walk from being stuffed.   Oink!

A Cajun Merry Christmas

                            

Here is the CAJUN 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (another version).

Day 1 Dear Emile, thanks for the bird in the pear tree. I fixed it last night with dirty rice and it was delicious. I don't think the pear tree would grow in the swamp, so I swapped it for a Satsuma tree.

Day 2 Dear Emile, your letter said you sent 2 turtle doves, but all I got was 2 scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed them with andouille and made some gumbo out of them.

Day 3 Dear Emile, why don't you send me some crawfish? I'm tired of eating them darned birds. I gave two of those prissy French chicken to Mrs. Fontenot over at Grand Chenier, and fed the tird one to my dog, Phideaux. Mrs. Fontenot needed some sparring partners for her fighting rooster.

Day 4 Dear Emile, mon dieu! I told you no more of them birds. These four, what you call "calling birds" was so noisy that you could hear them all the way to Lafayette. I used their necks for my crab traps, and fed the rest of them to the gators.

Day 5 Dear Emile, you finally sent something useful. I liked those golden rings, me. I hocked them at the pawn shop in Sulphur and got enough money to fix the shaft on my shrimp boat, and to buy a round for the boys at the Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!

Day 6 Dear Emile, couchon! Back to the birds, you turkey! Poor egg sucking Phideaux is scared to death of those six geese. He try to eat their eggs and they pecked the heck out of his snout. Those geese are damn good at eating cockroachs around the house, though. I may stuff one of those geese with oyster dressing and serve him on Christmas day.

Day 7 Dear Emile, I'm going to wring your fool neck the next time I see you. Ole Boudreaux, the mailman, is ready to kill you too. The crap from all those birds is stinking up his mailboat. He is afraid that someone will slip on that stuff and they are going to sue him. I let those seven swans loose to swim on the bayou and some stupid duck hunter from Mississippi blast them out of the water. Talk to you tomorrow.

Day 8 Dear Emile, poor old Boudreaux had to make 3 trips on his mailboat to deliver those 8 maids-a-milking and their cows. One of the cows got spooked by the alligators and almost tipped over the boat. I don't like those shiftless maids, me. I told them to get to work gutting fish and sweeping my shack - but they said that it wasn't intheir contract. They probably think that they are too good to skin the nutria that I caught last night.

Day 9 Dear Emile, what are you trying to do? Boudreaux had to borrow the Cameron ferry to carry those jumping twits that you call lords-a-leaping across the bayou. As soon as they got here they wanted a tea break and crumpets. I don't know what that means but I said, "Well, j'connais pas! You get Chicory coffee or nothing". Mon Dieux, Emile, what am I going to feed all these couillions? They are too bourgeois for fried nutria, and the cow ate up all of my turnip greens.

Day 10 Dear Emile, you got to be out of your mind. If the mailman doesn't kill you, I will. Today he delivered 10 half nakid floozies from Bourbon street. They said that they are "ladies dancing" but they don't act like ladies in front of them Limey sailing boys. They almost left after one of them got bit by a water moccasin over by my outhouse. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde (everybody) and get lots of rolls of toilet paper. The Sears catalog wasn't good enough for those bourgeois lords. Talk to you tomorrow.

Day 11 Dear Emile, where Y'at? Cherio and pip pip. You 11 Pipers Piping arrived today from the House of Blues, second lining as they got off of the boat. We fixed stuffed goose and beef jambalaya, finished the whiskey, and we're having a fais-do-do. The new mailman drank a bottle of Jack Daniels, and he is having a good old time dancing with the floozies. The old mailman jumped off the Moss Bluff bridge yesterday, screaming your name. If you happen to get a mysterious looking ticking package in the mail, don't open it.

Day 12 Dear Emile, me, I'm sorry to tell you - but I am not your true love anymore. After the fais-do-do, I spent the night with Jacque, the head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentlemen's club on the bayou. The floozies, pardon me, ladies dancing can make $20 for a table dance, and the lords can be the waiters and valet park the boats. Since the maids have no more cows to milk, I trained them to set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, and run my shrimping business. We'll probably gross a million dollars next year.

Have a                               

                 From Cajun Country

 

A special to

Premeditated Murder

When my son-in-law married my daughter he took my grandson (and her) 2 hours away from me. My grandson is the light of my life.  A child I saw daily until they married.  Now I see him perhaps every two weeks.  A big adjustment for me but I made it.

My son-in-law is an Assistant Coach and aspires to be a Head Coach and he has a chance of that happening for him in Farmerfuckingville, Louisiana which is 5 flipp'n hours  away from me. Farmerville?  What is wrong with Abbeville?  Can you say murder?  Can you say, I don't think this is an adjustment I can or want to make?

I've been saving my big time prayers for something big....and this is a biggie because I'm going to need to pray to keep myself out of jail if he decides to take this job.

Fickle Pickle

You know that word that starts with an "F" and rhymes with Pickle? Well that would be an apt description of me. Some have inquired how my new relationship is going. We can say it's going, going, gone.

I hope you didn’t blink because if you did, you missed it!

Something was missing. We went from never actually having an official "date" to having a "family". We were not afforded an opportunity to become one before we became 3, 4 and 5. I believe family is very important, and should definitely be entered into the mix, but I also feel you need to establish your own bonds before adding anything else.

I found myself, two weekends in a row (keep in mind, I've only known him 3 weekends) cleaning and picking up after everyone in my house. I was feeling a bit of resentment Sunday night at 10 pm when they were still here and he was wondering "what was wrong?". I smiled my normal gracious smile and snarled "nothing that your leaving wouldn’t cure".

Of course it wasn't just about that. I could actually deal with that. Retrain the brains is what I do best. Look what a great job I did during Rita with my family?

We really had very little in common. I love to dance, he doesn't dance. I love football, he is disinterested in it, I love music and concerts, he didn't. We didn't even agree on the same kind of movies. We ran out of things to talk about very quickly.

Okay, am I upset about it? Yes, because he appeared to be a dream come true and he was a dream but not for me. He was a good and wonderful man with beautiful children but I think we jumped too soon into a comfy relationship and call me selfish but I like being romanced.

Also, I have been taught a lesson, I will not rant or rave in my journal about a man in my life until we are good and married. I hate having to recant all my rants. It's quite embarrasing, but I'm being a woman about it. I could have just let this little thing go by without mentioning it, but since I made such a hoorah ha ha  about it, I feel you are all due some explanation. We were all in this together.

PS: For those of you who wondered if the pair I sent him were of his liking...they were.

Christmas Spirits

I figured after all the Christmas shopping, we all need a little Christmas spirits and I have just the place to get all the spirit you need.

As the sign indicates tomorrow would be a good day to imbibe...it's Two for Tuesday, but on Sunday's you can get real spiritual with the $17.00 per gallon.

Also I have found that using a drive thru keeps this from happening:

Frazzled

10 Happy Things

I have been tagged by Gail in MN to list the ten things that make me happy.

Of course, the happiest moment is when my 3 year old grandson, Matthew, without provocation, looks at me and says "I laa you Nammy sooooooooo much!" 

Here are my other Happy Ten Thingies:

10.  Sand between my toes on a beach, listening to the sound of the surf, with  my eyes closed and the sun caressing my body.

9.   Old worn blue jeans against my skin.

8.   Unexpected midnight calls from someone I love.

7.   The relaxed feeling you get just before falling asleep.

6.   Lazy Saturday mornings.

5.   The kindness of J-Landers that I have come to know thru their journals.

4.   Dancing, Dancing, Dancing.

3.   Memories invoked by hearing an old song.

2.   God and his many mysteries sent into my life daily.

1.   Saying Merry Christmas to people who want to take Christ out of Christmas.

 

Instead of tagging anyone since everyone has been tagged, I'd like to ask that we all say a prayer for those people who do not know or will not have God in their life this Christmas season.

My hot bed

I want all you guys to know that I do not have a man to warm my bed but I have the next best thing. 

All I have to do is turn it on about one minute prior to bedtime and when I get into bed it's wrapping me in it's warmness AND it doesn't require birth control or a trip to the confessional.

It takes away all the tensions of the day and makes me feel all warm and cuddly inside....

My very own heating pad.

God's Painting

I am on my way home this afternoon and in awe of the sunset that the Good Lord painted for us today.  It was the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen in my life.  I tried so hard to capture a picture of it, but being in the city, it was very difficult.  As I'm marvelling over this beautiful sight,  my cell phone rings and it's my daughter who lives 2 hours away. 

She says "Mom, please tell me you are seeing the same sky I am seeing!"

I said "Yes, I am, and it's gorgeous!"

She's exclaiming over how she is over the spillway and the sunset is reflecting off of the water and the moon is full and the stars are shining.  I am sure her vision of it was much more splendid than mine but nevertheless it had the same effect on us.

She was so overcome with joy and wonder that I am so thankful that God allowed us to see HIS beautiful work of art.

This was the best I could do to capture it.  It was a time I wished I would have been somewhere in the country.

Accidental Stupidity

Not only does it thunder when it rains, but idiots come out in the rain. Normal upstanding people become stupid when it rains. I just experienced stupidity at its finest.

What should have been a nice 45 minute ride home from work this afternoon turned into trip from hell. Throw in Christmas traffic and you have a nightmare on your hands.

Idiot #1: Baseball Jones decides he is going to skid/slide through the yellow light into oncoming traffic. He forgot that Pin Hook Road was not a baseball diamond and the yellow orb he was seeing was a traffic light and not a baseball.

Idiot #2: Faithful Frolicker was on a bicycle in the left turn lane going the wrong way. The only thing saving his happy ass was his faith in God and my strong desire, at all cost, to avoid another delay getting home .

Idiot #3: Tailgate Tuddy thought she was going to an LSU game. She got a little too tailgate happy and rammed herself into the truck ahead of her. Hey honey, that was not a drive thru margarita stop. You missed it about a mile back, or maybe you stopped, and thats the whole problem.

Idiot #4: Open Door Dora had a flat tire. Not a problem except she doesn’t close her door when she removes her carcass from the vehicle making everyone have to go around the car door. Shes steadily running her mouth to someone on the cell phone whilst leaning against the OPEN door.

Idiot #5: Kayak Karl forgot to secure his kayak firmly to the top of his van. Guess he was getting prepared for another flooding and a quick exit out of Louisiana.

What happened to people staying home and accidently conceiving during rainstorms?

Black Peter Controversy

This is pretty sad and embarrassing.  Only in the South could you imagine such a thing happening.

 

Black Peter

Cheesy Fetishes

I find myself in quite a quandary.

It seems my newfound friend has a fetish. Of course, all men, women and children, have a fetish of some sort, but I do not know if I can help this man with his. I have been asked to do many things in my life, but this one is a first.

Please do not get me wrong, I have had men who have had a liking to these, but never to the extent that they would request a picture of them. I realized, if I sent a picture and they were not to his liking, that it could well be the end of the relationship.

I searched the net for the perfect pair to send him because, naturally, I did not feel mine were adequate for someone with such a strong attraction to them.

After searching endlessly for the perfect pair, it dawned upon me that if I sent him a false pair, I would have to keep mine hidden for the duration of our relationship. My mind continued processing this information and I quickly came to the realization that I would have to send him the real deal. It would be impossible to hide that dishonesty for any length of time.

I bit the bullet, took out the digital camera and propped my pair upon the table, snapped the picture and off to cyber land it went. It does not bode well for me, I have heard nary a word from him. He’s either transfixed in lust over them or passed out in disgust.

Isn’t there a fine line between lust and disgust?

 

 

The Third Date

Our third date started Saturday night and ended around 8pm Sunday night.  I think that qualifies for 2 dates, don't you?  It ended with us all going to Mass at 5:30 P.M. and then an evening meal at a local deli.

We had a wonderful weekend and I truly like and admire the way this man loves his children.  He is so affectionate toward them.  A lot of hugging and kissing and geniune love. He is a very caring individual and he doled out a lot of that affection towards me too.   It is just the sweetest thing to behold.

I don't know where it's headed,  but I know I have travelled many roads that have ended in dead ends.  Forgive me for being a little jaded and pessimistic. Am I ready for a family of 3 children? All I can do is hope....

Here are the pics of us.

Drive Thru

Can you say drive thru Margarita stop on the way home?  Okay, I'll wait till I get  home before I actually drink it.

Old Loves and New Beginnings

I miss you.
I know we've said our good-byes,
and I know we've gone our
separate ways,
but I still miss you

I wish that people were like chalkboards,
and we could wash our memories clean.
But we're not.
And we can't.
Yet despite the anger that I feel sometimes,
I still miss you.

We were happy once,
and I remember those times.
I remember how we smiled and laughed,
and how you held my heart
in your hand.

I remember the tears and how I took my heart back,
bruised and slightly wilted.
But still, somehow,
I miss you,
and I just wanted you to know that.

Poem by Jennie Whittington

 

Our lives take different directions, but it doesn't mean we don't remember, miss  and think of the people who we love and are dear to us from our past.   Letting go is the hardest thing to do but we have to in order to live our lives to the fullest.  We can't live in the past with "what ifs".  Sometimes, if life could stand still, for just a moment, maybe we could capture that dream which is elusive. 

God Bless you and always know there is a part of my heart that will always remain yours.

Third Date?

It seems that my second date will actually be my third date.

Did I mention that my new friend lives 1 1/2 hours away from me?  Yes, so seeing him will be sporadic, but I have learned that the desire to see someone outweighs the obstacles that are thrown in your path.  Obstacles, such as jobs, can be overcome, if the will is strong enough.

Tuesday night, Robert called me expessing a desire to see me yesterday.  He had the day off (in the middle of the week..imagine that?) and was wondering if he could meet me after work.  Well, after thinking awhile, I said that I was due for a day off also.  What good is the first flushes of love, if  you can't throw caution to the wind?

Yes, I was a bad bad girl.  I called in sick and spent the day with Robert.  We had a wonderful time and decided that we had much in common and a good chance of maintaining a long term relationship.  In other words, HE LIKES ME, and wants to date me exclusively to see where it takes us.   Since I am definitely not the type of person who can date around when I like someone, I felt it wouldn't be hasty to accept that offer.

I feel like a kid in a candy store whose parents gave her money to buy whatever she wants and the candy she is salivating over wants to be eaten.

 

My Second Date

Yes, there will be a second date, but this time I get the full packaged deal.  I get to meet his three children and also, my grandson will be joining us, along with my daughter and her husband.  

Matthew, my darling grandson, is going to be so confused since one of Robert's children is also named Matthew and his daughter's name is Lauren.  My grandson has a stepsister named Lauren. 

Yes, things are going quite rapidly.  Am I ready?  Yes I am.  I really like this guy and everything he stands for. 

It amazes me that it doesn't bother him that I've been married 3 times.  He simply states, it's not your past that counts, it's where  you are right now.

Right now, I'm right where I want to be and happy about the way my life is proceeding. God is good!

Sick and tired

Don't you just love it when you feel like total crap?  You're sick and you feel like the best thing for you would be to lie down and die and forget the world. 

Reality hits when you get home from work and you have a flyer in the mail for an advertisement for a funeral home.  WTF? 

And  you look at the prices and realize no matter how bad you feel and how enticing it would be to die at that moment, you just can't afford it.

My first date

from: Robert To: Sam Date received: December 2, 2005 Subject:  RE: (no subject)

No, I'm not nervous. It's just you. Hahaha Ok, maybe a little. Honey, I'm sure the food will be great and you will also. You must understand something. I'm already impressed with you. You don't have to worry about being anything more than who you are and I understand what being nervous does to a person. It makes us act differently than we would normally act. It's just nervousness, that's all. In time you will be able to be yourself. Let's take it one step at a time. Shall we dance?

Robert

 

Yes, we danced and oh my God....I am smitten, bitten, and so impressed with this man's strong moral character. His beliefs and  respect for a woman is so evident in everything he does.

I am not jumping the gun and I'm being very cautious.  If all that we become is friends then I will be satisfied because he will make a fabulous friend to have around.

Even though our first date consisted of watching LSU lose to Georgia, I consider our first date as a success and I wanted to share my excitement with J-land. 

It's been a long year for me...

Christmas

I am so tired of hearing about 4% of the frig'n nation wanting to take Christ out of Christmas.  It's Christ's birthday, for Christs' sake,  that is why we have Christmas!  That is why we've always had Christmas. 

It's a frig'n Christmas Tree you bunch of idiots!  If you don't like it, move your ass out of this country.  Pronto!  Don't let the door hit you in the ass.

Damn, I don't like hamburger meat, but you don't see me trying to take the burger out of the bun, do you?  I just don't buy the sonsabitches. 

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

 

F.....k   Happy Holidays

 

A daughter only a mother can love.

I have been long overdue in writing about my lovely daughter. Although, I felt her grow inside of my womb for 9 months and I saw her being pulled from within me, she has to be someone else's child. I know for a fact that I was never a party to any of the things she did not learn in her youth. I was a very informative mother giving her all the knowledge she needed in order to live in this cold and cruel world. She most definitely gets her unconsciousness from her father. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

A few stories I must relate to you before I get to the granddaddy of them all. All of these occurrences happened when she was old enough to have gleaned information from her surroundings and should have had knowledge of them without being told.

The first one is probably easily shrugged off as probably not thinking. My mother had an 8 acre family fish pond and we had a camper trailer that we would frequent in the summer months. One such time we had left the camper to go to Sunday mass and it was pouring down raining when we returned and my father realized he had locked the keys inside of the trailer.

My dad is a very grouchy individual and it was lunch time and the manna (that communion host wasn't going far) was inside of the trailer. He was cursing about having left the keys inside and I'm sure Brandi, my daughter's focus, was mainly on the key being inside of the trailer. Dad comes up with the idea that Brandi is the smallest person ( not the brightest but the smallest LOL I love you Brandi) so he will put her through the window.

Bear in mine that all she is thinking is that the keys are inside of the trailer. Imagine my hungry Dad, in the pouring rain, grouchy as a bear, getting soaked and my daughter finally arrives safely through window and innocently asked:

"Okay Pawpa, where's the keys?"

My dad's response is "Open the son of a bitchin door!"

Yep, she was going to find the keys, crawl out the window and deposit them into my father's soaked hands.

Story Number two also includes my father. I think the man is an instigator.

My lovely little angel was watching Monday night football with us. The game was being played in New Jersey and her step brother was stationed in New Jersey.She was about 14 at the time and the cameraman shows a view of the big beautiful full moon. And my daughter gets excited over the smallest of things and watching a football game which was being played in New Jersey where her step brother was...that was a big happening for her.

My dad was clowning her and says "I wonder if we have a full moon too?" Yes, you guessed...she went and looked.

Story Number three is possibly my favorite story because it's so ridiculous. She, once again is 13 or so. Her favorite country music star at the time is Clay Walker and we are headed for a concert in Beaumont Texas. It is very cold. The wind is bitingly damp and miserable and no amount of clothes can generate enough body heat. Ice is forming on the windshield and my daughter is worried about making it to the concert on time. All our lives, we have heard about the "wind chill factor". Depending on temperature and how hard the winds are blowing determines the wind child factor, right? Wrong. My daughter decides to ask us at that point how do they measure the "windshield factor"? What kind of tool do they use? After, I laughed my ass off, I was no longer cold.

Story Number 4 is more recent and I shared it in an entry. It had to do with her not realizing the mechanics of a "see and say". Here is the story if you care to read it

.See and Say

Now the granddaddy of them all happened this past weekend. My daughter calls me immediately afterward to relate the story. Mom you will never believe what I didn't know. I said "Oh God Brandi, what now?" I have time and time again told my daughter, if she doesn't know something, please ask her mother first. It is imperative, in order, not to look foolish to check with mom. Mom knows all. She doesn't listen very well.

My 23 year old daughter is at her in laws for the Thanksgiving holiday. Her mother in law has apparently made a "to die for" cornbread dressing. I don't know about you guys in this world but I've always called cornbread dressing, cornbread dressing. Simple, right? Self explanatory, right? No need for explanations, right? Wrong!

My daughter asked "NeNe (that's what they call her mother in law) exactly what is cornbread dressing made out of?"

I said "oh no Brandi, please tell me you are joking? How could you possibly not know that or even realize that?"

It's something you just don't think about doing, is sitting your child down and saying "Brandi, my darling, there is something mom needs to tell you, Cornbread Dressing is made out of cornbread."

I have failed as a mother. I admit it.

Here is a pic of that lovely face and smile that occurs when she's overwhelmed with newfound knowledge. That sparkle she gets when she once again realizes she is sometimes mentally challenged.

 

Men o Pause

I think this about sums it up.....no more needs to be said.

My Lost Undies Part 2 3/4

I have been asked if that previous post was a pic of me.  Yeah, it is, about 10 pounds and 30 years ago.

No!  That pic can be found on any Hanes Her Way advertisment.  If you want to see a pic of me in my Hanes Her Way, you will have to pay a hell of a lot more than you pay for AOL per month. 

It will cost you marriage, divorce, alimony and many hardaches. 

Thank God for Panty ads, eh?

My Lost Undies

I never did relate this Hurricane story to J-Land because I truly thought it was a weird occurrence. After Hurricane Rita passed, not only did it leave me without much privacy, but it left me without any underwear. In my dresser, I had many pairs of Hanes Her Way white cotton no nonsense very unsexy panties. Some panties, that no one in their right mind would want to steal. Once I reclaimed my privacy, I assumed the vortex of the hurricane had made away with my white no nonsense undies. They were no where to be found. I looked high and low for these babes only to have to give up the search. Even St. Anthony or St. Joseph wasn't helping me in the lost and found department. I'm sure, in buying new ones, I should have been adventurous and bought some that weren't so no nonsense, but it's difficult to teach an old dog new tricks.

This past weekend, I spent some time at my parents home for the holidays, and my Dad, being the nut case that he is, informs me that he has just unpacked his suitcases from his adventure at my home. He's laughingly relating to me that as he unpacks, he notices he has a suitcase full of woman's panties. I'm sure glad my mom didn't unpack for him because I'm sure that would have caused some problems in her mind.

So months later, I now have enough no nonsense panties to last a lifetime. And it was priceless seeing him walk down the hall with a arm full of women's panties.

My date

There probably has only been very few occasions in my life that I have met someone that I've hit it off with right away.

Sometimes you meet someone and you like the way that they look and you are physically attracted to them, there is chemistry, and they have many great qualities, but they may have so many other areas that you are not compatible with them. Those are the ones you marry and you love, but no matter how much you try, it just doesn't work out because some vital part is missing.

Or you may meet someone that you like everything that they are about, but you just don't have that chemistry that makes you click. Those are the ones that you become very good friends with. My friend Bill is a prime example of that happening and you remain great friends through thick and thin.

There are those that you meet again that are childhood loves. The ones you love dearly because you share a history together, and a very close common bond, but you quickly realize that no matter how hard you try, or how much you love them, you can't go back. Too many bridges crossed and obligations have entered your life to enable you to become what you wished you could have been with them.

Sometimes, you look at life and ask yourself, what am I looking for? What do I want and what would make me complete? As long as I can remember, I have been Catholic. I've been taught and believed there is a right way to do things and a wrong way. The Catholic church teaches and I firmly believe that sex before marriage is not right. I believe making love should be sacred and between two people who love each other and not just for the physical need of it. I believe marriage is a sacrament and I believe in the annulment process which I am going through right now. (For those who know I've been married 3 times, according to the church only #1 has to be annulled. The others are not recognized in the church as a sacrament. Also, I'm not annulling the marriage, I'm annulling the sacrament. The marriage was valid by law)

It has always been my dream to find someone and marry once again in the Catholic church. Some of you out there may ridicule my medieval ways and I respect your thoughts, but I'm not here to please you, but myself and what I believe is right. I've often erred in my ways by trying to conform to other people's beliefs and my own fleshy ways. I believe that's where most of my sadness has manifested itself in not doing what my heart truly believes. I would always give in to the flesh.

In searching for a lifetime partner, I believe your common morals and values should be similar. And if they are not, you should at least respect the other for their beliefs and help them along their personal journey. Not just lip talk but in action as well. I have come across many men who have talked the talk but when it came time to walk the walk, well lets just say they fell short and so have I.

Enter another kind of guy, one who believes what you believe, and you are physically, mentally and spiritually attracted to him. He wants all the same things you want. He's not scared to tell you all of his faults and imperfections. He lays them out on the table for you just in case you may not be able to deal with them. He is not scared to share his faith and he's not afraid to say, when and if he ever marries again, it will be the right way (according to our beliefs which doesn't mean yours isn't right). In the Catholic church and if he has his way the relationship will not be consummated until the wedding night. He's also intelligent enough to realize that having met me, it's going to be damned difficult to uphold those morals and values, but if he has someone as strong willed about it as he is, and God is firmly planted between us, then I think it's very possible should things happen to head in that direction for us.

Okay, we just met yesterday, and I damned sure didn't expect to click with someone 7 years younger than me. I was just out to have a good time and he was handsome, ex-marine, fine as wine and I didn't even think he'd look at me twice. Of course none of that mattered, what mattered most, was his religious views. That's what made him most attractive to me and the fact that he had clean fingernails... (now you guys know I couldn't go through an entire entry without saying something off key)

It's definitely too damned soon to predict anything, but God is orchestrating my life and he's done a damned good job of it so far, I will let him continue doing his magic.

Today

Today could very well be a day I will consider very special in the future.  It's too soon to talk about now,  but one day I will share, if indeed, it does turn out to be special.  Just couldn't let the day go by without acknowledging a happy happening in my life.

Not saying that word, yet.

I've gotten over the fact that I was TOS'd for talking shit. Where's the fecal humor?

It baffles me that AOL would view that entry as violating Terms of Service. Come on now! I can go to any journal and TOS a person? Does AOL even look at the circumstances or do they just TOS you if someone feels offended? Shouldn't this be given a trial and jury to determine if it is indeed a violation? There is much out there that offends me but, if it does, I stay away from that place.

Where's that thing called Freedom of Speech? No one makes me read anything I don't choose to read. I have free will.

I will admit it may have been in poor taste but I wasn't bad mouthing anyone and I clearly stated at the very beginning, that if it offended, please do not read it. I guess my use of any means to get a laugh must be examined. It's okay to talk about graphic sex but shit is off limits? I think we live in a world that's a bit off kilter where values are concerned.

What happens when you don't ignore the bad behaviors, you end up feeding them and that's basically what happened here. It prompted another entry about feces.

Well, I'm over myself now. It's Thanksgiving night and I ate enough to generate that matter that got me TOS'd.

TOS'd

Someone TOS'd me!  I'm an angel, how can that be?

Happy Thanksgiving

Mood:  Thankful

 

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! 

I pray that you all have many things to be thankful for.  May you all be blessed with an abundance of love and happiness!

Whole lotta Chit

Mood:  Creative Shit: I have no shame!

 

If any of you are offended by shit, I would not read this entry. I would not want to offend thee in any way, shape or form. I just feel the need to talk some shit and Im afraid this is the place that's going to get it. I feel a TOS coming on but I've been a good lil shit since I started this journal and I'm feeling a little constipated. And if any of you big shits want to TOS me, go right ahead! Who gives a shit?

Every day on my way home from work, I literally pass up some good shit. Yes, my dear friends, I have the privilege of passing what, I assume, is an up and coming sewer plant. It is a huge monstrosity of an operation, but I would guess that's because Lafayette has a lot of shit. This place is in the middle of a busy section of town and it stinks the high heavens. Im hoping whatever they are constructing is a smell-proof wall around the shit. They need to process the shit and quick.

I have never claimed that my shit don't stink, but damn! Lafayette you are rotten! We are talking MEGA bean burritos on a sweltering hot summer day! The only good thing about this place is...if you feel one coming on...it's good place to be, since no one would even know it was you. Pass the beans darlin'! I shit you not, there is a Mexican Restaurant right next to it. How ironic is that?

Everyday as I pass by, I am so very thankful that I do not work anywhere near the shit. I've had enough shit in my life that, I damn sure don't need to be working next to it.

If I were a lady, I'm sure I'd have said fecal material instead of the "S" word but sometimes you have to call a shit a shit. And let me tell you "that's some shit!"

                        

Elmo's World

Mood: Adventurous

AOL doesn't have enough moods for my liking.  Where's the mood "creative"?  Is that a mood?Shouldn't that be one of the important ones?

Today I spent two hours of my day with Sesame Street Live.  They say that these shows are for children but the parents and grandparents enjoy them just as much.  And the parents need to bring the grandparents to help afford all the goodies they offer.  Can  you imagine an $8 hellium Elmo balloon?  They sell these wonderfully huge blow up deals at intermission and then inform you that you have to get them out of the view of everyone when the show begins again.  Now you have ten zillion kids crying for their Elmo balloons.  Oh the price we have to pay for Elmo!

I captured my grandson with the background of the show.  And wouldn't you know that Sesame Street has to try to compete with Barney?  They have a green dinosaur that dances and sings as cornily as the purple dude.  Here he is!

 

and the entire cast and crew:

 

Gosh, aren't you all glad I shared this with you?  Life is complete now.

All my Children

 

My daughter is a Soap Opera addict and she is turning my grandson into one also.  In his little world, it's All My Children Versus Barney. 

I can see his little mind now.  Barney will be having an affair with Baby Bop before too long.  They are going to use her little blankie to cover it up.  Is Baby Bop a dinosaur too?  What the hell is she besides annoying?

The other day I called (well I call everyday...I have to have my Matthew dose once a day) and I asked what he was doing.  I couldn't understand what he was saying so I told him to put his mom on the phone.  She told me that he said he was watching "All My Children".  So she put's him back on the phone and

I ask,  "My little Angel, (that's what I call him) you are watching All My Children?"

He says,  "No! No! No! Nammy I'm watching "All Mama's Children".

Grandkids are such a delight.  I've often told my daughter that there is no way in hell I ever loved her as much as I love her son.  She laughs and accepts that.  It's not like she loves me more than him and I accept that. 

***********

On a totally different note, I know it's Friday night, and I should be out, doing something fun and inspirational, but I am a grandmother and I need my rest. 

Sunday I will be partaking in a little fun.  Brandi and I are bringing Matthew to see Elmo's Coloring Book live at the performing arts (because the CajunDome still has refugees). 

I'm sure Elmo will be having an affair with Bert or Ernie in Matthew's little mind.

Good Reason

"I hope you are not offended if i say that your journal is just another reason amongst many that i am glad i never married."

I received this email after someone had read my journal. I was not at all offended with the email and I understood perfectly where she was coming from.

After all, three marriages, doesn't speak highly for me, but I wonder had I gone to her journal and stated the total opposite "After reading your journal, I'm sure glad I married 3 times." I think she may possibly have come back with something similar to what I am about to say but just a different scenario.  We all have our purposes in life and this was one of mine.

It started me thinking about my life and I shudder at the thought of never having married. I cry at the idea that I would have never gazed into these eyes. This is the reason I married and this is the reason I will never ever in my entire life regret it. This moment in my life was the day I realized what it meant to be a woman and everything before and after means very little compared to this.

This was the first time I held my grandson in the delivery room and he opened his eyes and looked at me.  He had me hook, line and sinker at this very moment.

My Daughter

Brandi,  I must say you got your wish and you perfected it!

My daughter knows I love her and I'm just teasing her on this!  She is the one who sent this to me in an email yesterday.

My dream

I had a dream last night and I woke up laughing my ass off. Talk about intelligent stuff going on in my dreams.

I dreamed that my brother kept stealing my queen size bed and leaving me with a twin size bed. I would keep going back to get my bed from him and when I'd return the next day it was gone again. In my dream, I asked him, why the hell do you keep taking my bed? He replied that I didnt need a bed that big since there was no one utilizing it but me. I kept arguing with him that I liked my bed regardless of how many were utilizing it.

What the hell do you think that dream means? Am I getting obsessed with someone sharing my bed? Am I having a tug a war in my brain about sharing my bed with someone? Or is it my Catholic guilt telling me to get rid of the bigger bed so I wont share it with anyone? Ooh that could save a lot of confession time in the future.

Dont you just hate dreams like that? You know its a dream that your subconscious is telling you to pay attention to. I dont have the inclination or the want to analyze it right now but maybe when my bed is being utilized to its full potential, I will look back on this dream, and beg my brother to take my bed and give me the twin bed back.

I think I need therapy!

Plants

The radio just informed me that it will be getting extremely cold tonight and we should all bring in our pets and our plants. 

I'm thinking, for the first time in a kajillion years, I have not a one plant to my name and at one time I had about a kajillion and one.

You ask where did they go?  Guess? 

Am I upset?  Nah!  I can go home and light my fireplace without worrying about moving plants in.

 

 

One Last Tribute

Today is November 15th, two years ago, I was in Jamaica getting married for the third time. I shouldn't burden J-Land with a tribute of another failure of mine, but I feel a need to acknowledge this day. Please, humor me, one more time. It is part of my history and another piece of my puzzle. An unmade puzzle that is scattered in many pieces and I have yet to place them all in their rightful positions.

Yes, today would have been my second anniversary with my last husband and I did believe him to be my last. Scott is a wonderful man and I was fortunate to know him as well. (I know it's all sounding like a broken record but it's true) He is a very in depth thinking person. The very reason I was attracted to him was his ability to know himself within, and if he felt something within his heart, he knew why and could eloquently give the ten reasons why he was feeling it. He was so aware of his feelings and so able to relate to them and be honest about them. Sometimes that was not always a good thing for me because, my walls came up and I became distant and unable to relate my inner workings, and he wanted so very much for me to be able to list the reasons why I cared for him, as eloquently as he could relate, why he cared for me. Even to this day, I can't put to paper any concrete reasons why I loved him. I just did and it was simple for me but some need and want so much more.

We enjoyed doing many things together but most of all doing nothing is what we did best together. Watching the acorns fall, sitting on the patio barbequing, listening to him bitch because the squirrels were eating the plants and lying in bed listening to him get dressed in the morning are some of my best memories. Simple things. We both had a love for planting and watching nature grow. Springtime, roses, boating and fishing. Wintertime, playing cards, snuggling, and football.

Scott is a loving father to his three children. I truly admired that about him. He shares custody and has them 7 and 7. They are priority in his life which is the way it should always be when you have young children. His children are all extremely gifted and brilliant which is a testament to his own intelligence. I remember one time the two oldest arguing about what chemical in the blood attracted mosquitos. ( We were hiking along a stream and I didn't care why they were attracted to me, I knew they stung and we had forgot the OFF!) They were always debating amongst themselves. Boggles the mind what those youngsters discussed sometimes. I was completely awestruck by their inquisiveness.

We laughed a lot with them and one such time I will relate to you because it was priceless:

Scott and I was in our bedroom which adjoined the living room and I could hear the boys arguing while playing a video game. John, the youngest (10 at the time, oh, what a cat that boy is!) was a wiz when it came to games. The conversation went like this:

Taylor, "What button do I press to make it.....?" (can't recall exactly what he wanted it to do)

John, "Why?" (At least that's what we heard)

Taylor, "Because I want to know which button to press."

John, "Why?"

Taylor getting upset, "Just tell me which button!"

John (laughing), "Why?"

Taylor, (completely and totally frustrated) hollers "John! Because I want to know how to do it! Just tell me!"

At this point I'm getting frustrated too because it's getting loud and it's gone on long enough.

John, (still laughing) "Taylor press 'Y' on the controller."

I nearly lost it with laughter! It was a classic!

Some of you may ask, why did it end? Going into all the negatives on both sides will not change the circumstances nor the outcome of the marriage. I will say that I am not capable of the love required to sustain a marriage or a relationship. There comes a time when you have to forget the bad and smile at the good. I didn't want the divorce, but given the circumstances, I accepted it as being in the best interest of both of us.

I want to say to everyone out there reading this,just because someone doesn't love you the way you expect them to, doesn't mean they don't love you as much as they are capable or as much as they've ever loved. They may have limited resources in their heart to allow them to love as fully as you want or expect. They may have a darkness in their soul that needs understanding and patience. Look for the small inconsequential things that they may be doing to show their love for you. It's amazing what you will see if you only open your eyes. It may just be a glance or a small touch. What seems so easy for you may be extremely difficult for them. They may need someone to work with them and help teach them how to love completely. Don't push someone you love to be something they are not. If you love them accept them as they are at that moment. If you have faith and enough love and patience to wait they will finally trust you enough to love you as much as you deserve to be loved. And most of all, if you are incapable of the patience it requires, do not berate yourself, forgive yourself because, we are but mere mortals, living out a destiny, to the best of our ability, that which God has planned for us.

 

This was another path crossed in my journey of life, another bench I rested upon for a small while. Like every other journey in my life, I have come away with a better understanding of my character. I can see more clearly now what drives Sharlene to act and react to life's endless roads. I am a far better person for having crossed his path on my journey. I have so much more direction and now I'm less ashamed of the roads I have traveled. I have learned to accept the many crossroads in my life and I respect myself for doing what needs to be done for my soul. It doesn't lessen the hurt nor make it go away but it eases a little of the pain and failure knowing it wasn't for naught. It was a scenic but sometime bumpy route but one I do not regret travelling.

It's time to count my blessings, I have to thank you, Scott, for providing the way for me to see more of who I am and thank you God for putting Scott in my path to enable me see all the things you needed me to see. And I do honestly with all my soul wish him love, happiness, and whatever his heart desires in this life and the next. We all deserve the best no matter who we are or what we have done. Forgiveness is the key to eternal happiness and I plan on having it! Forgetting is the hardest part but God doesn't ask us to forget only to forgive.

And finally, a memory about Scott and I, that will always put a smile on my face and heart, and the memory goes like this:

We were driving down Bertrand Blvd in Lafayette on our first date and I was putting upon my lips some Vaseline Lip Therapy because my lips were slightly dry. I asked him if he wanted a little therapy for his lips and he said yes. That little imp within me got loose again and I reached over and used my vaselined lips on his. It was our first kiss and the most spontaneous kiss I've ever given. I remember him being surprised and I was shocked at myself as well. I had been wanting to kiss him all night and I knew he did too, and it's a good thing the light turned red, because the kiss lasted longer than it should have taken for me to theraputilize his lips.

I intended this entry to be positive and I hope it came across as positive along with a little of life's reality mixed in. No amount of writing would ever explain my heart in this matter so I'm going to put this to rest now. I've rambled on long enough. We have to close one door before another can be opened and I'm ready to cautiously peek on the other side.

Here's a pic and an earlier entry that I wrote about us. A pierced heart

... and finally (sigh of relief from J-Land) this concludes my remembrance of November. Now I'm ready to get on with my usual shallow and shellfish self.

I do believe this entry lasted longer than any relationship I've ever had. I thank everyone who endured it through to the end. May God Bless You all with wealth of spirit and health of heart and beaucoupe' love! I can feel the love out there! Hey you! I felt just a little too much love from you! Get your hands off my butt!

 

Smile on through the rain
Laugh all through the pain
Flow through to changes
Till the sun comes out again

Keep on Smilin'

God loves you!

 

The Saint of theday's blessing:

 

An egg given during life for love of God is more profitable for eternity than a cathedral full of gold given after death.

- St. Albert the Great (1206-1280)

My grandmother

I really am so in love with myself, and 've spent too much time in front of my mirror telling myself how wonderful I am that I decided today to get out and spread the love.

I took myself off to the nursing home to see one of the special people in my life. My 93 year old grandmother. She is one wild character and I proudly accept the fact that I most favor her in temperament and personality. Everything you see and read in this journal is indirectly her fault.

God we laughed and cried so much today. We talked about Holly Beach, Louisiana, she is the grandmother that we would vacation there every summer with, and we cried about the loss of it from Hurricane Rita.

She always would talk about going back and I said I would take her whenever she was ready. She would joke with me about finding a boyfriend there and her stealing him from me.

She is such a wise woman and she said through the tears that at least we have our memories. We held hands and prayed together. She is the person I get my strongest moral beliefs from. I feel such strong ties toward her because we are so much alike. I was not always a favorite grandchild of hers but I think she saw a lot of herself in me, which caused her much dismay. As I've matured, she has seen a different side of me. And I am so proud to call her grandmother.

We both love music and love to dance. They had a band at the nursing home yesterday. I wish I would have known. I would have danced with her. The last time we did that we had such a great time.

She said to me that she hopes when she gets older (like 93 't old and she also has a sister who will be 100 in April) that she doesn't want to be silly. I told her 's already silly. She's always been silly. Her sense of humor is so loved by everyone. She is so lively, and a trip to see her was just what the doctor ordered for me. She has a way of helping me count my blessings in life.

Naturally, I have to tell you about a conversation we had about a year ago. She felt that I was old enough at 46 for her to tell me certain things. She told me one time my grandfather went to his aunt's house and discovered them "doing it" standing up in the kitchen. She is giggling while she is telling me and thinks she is going to shock my senses with this information. She then informs me that she has never "did it" standing up.

She proceeds to ask me, "Sharlene, have you ever "did it" standing up?"

I said choking back the laughter, "Grandma, at 92, I think you are old enough for me to tell you, that, yes I have."

In French she says "Oh Mon Dieu!" (Which means Oh My God)

And me, being the imp that I am, looks down at her in her wheelchair and asks, "Have you ever "done it" in a wheelchair?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Arguing Within Part II

Inner Self,   "Did you get  the shaving cream?"

Sam,  "You bet your ass I did!"

Inner Self,  "What the hell are we waiting for, let's go shave!"

 

Arguing Within

I love alone...I mean live alone and if I want anyone to talk to I have to do all the talking to myself. Sometimes it gets to be very boring but there are times I have lively conversations with myself. It’s a continuous dialogue between Sam and my inner self. One such exchange just took place while I was showering and I realized I forgot to buy shaving cream today while on my weekly dreaded trip to Wally World. The conversation went like this:

Sam to her inner self, "Piss, Shit and Corruption I forgot to buy shaving cream!"

Inner self, "Oh crap! That means razor burns"

Sam, "Quit complaining. You know you should have made a list!"

Inner self, "Oh shut up Sam! I could give a rat’s ass what you think!"

Sam, "I’ll just make a quick run into Walmart tomorrow and get it so don’t worry."

Inner self, "You're a lying sack of shit, you know you avoid Walmart like the plague and you’ll do without until your next weekly trip."

Sam ,"Quit arguing with me...I know exactly what I’m going to do and I don’t need you telling me otherwise."

 

It’s tough being me. My Inner self has a potty mouth that I have to put up with but I have a bit more class.