Mardi Gras

  

 H A P P Y * M A R D I * G R A S!

The History of Mardi Gras

Mardi Gras came to New Orleans through its French heritage in 1699. Early explorers celebrated this French Holiday on the banks of the Mississippi River. Throughout the years, Orleanians have added to the celebration by establishing krewes (organizations) which host parades and balls. Carnival quickly became an exciting holiday for both children and adults.

Mardi Gras means "Fat Tuesday" and of course is celebrated on that day of the week. The date can fall between February 3 and March 9 depending on the Lunar calendar, used by the Catholic Church to determine the date of Easter. Mardi Gras is always 47 days before Easter Sunday.

The official colors for Mardi Gras are purple, green, and gold. These colors were chosen in 1872 by the King of Carnival, Rex. He chose these colors to stand for the following:

• Purple represents justice
• green stands for faith
• gold stands for power

The Mardi Gras season begins on January 6 and continues until Fat Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday. On the Christian calendar, the twelfth day after Christmas is known as "Epiphany", "Twelfth Night", or "Kings Day." It is the day the gift-bearing Magi visited the baby Jesus, and is celebrated with its own unique rituals.

No Creativity Left

I have completely lost my creativity so I stoop to forwarded emails to occupy the space in my journal.

Isn't life sad?  LOL

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly)

3. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags," and the Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," then what does that make the Tennesse Titans? (that would be a man's team!)

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters

6. If people from  are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

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7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

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8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?


9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?


10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?


11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?


12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?


13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?


14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?


15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?


16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then itdawned on me...they're cramming for their final exam.


17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?


18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?


19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?


20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?


22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?


23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?


24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells
"THEIRS"? 
 

 

 

 

Smells in Church

Is there anything worse than the smell of moth balls in church?  If I live to be 110, I will never have a sweater, mink coat, or any piece of clothing that is valuable enough for me to endure smelling like a moth ball.  That moth ball smell does not mix well with any perfume I own or any that I've smelled on those dear old ladies who wear their moth ball smelling coats with pride!

Amen

Life Cycle

This is awesome so I wanted to share it:

                                                  

Typical Male

I just arrived home from my daughter's home where I spent the night and the day with my adorable grandson. 

He is such the character!  I learned this morning that I will have to stop dressing in front of him.  I was putting on my pantyhose and I think the shiny material caught his eye and I bent over to put on my jeans and he started rubbing my butt.  I was laughing so hard because he was amazed at the smoothness of the panty hose. (I'm hoping that was it! LOL) I just looked at him and said "you are such a little man!"  Copping a feel of your grandma!  LOL  Okay, ya'll don't call the authorities on me!  I'm simply stating the curiousity of the male species in the innocence of a 3 year old.  Flash something shiny in front of him and he's got to feel it!

 

Smokin'

Today marks the 9th anniversary of the day I quit smoking.  I smoked for 23 years and I kept "trying" to quit and one night I had 4 cigarettes left and when I realized it, I panicked, but I was too lazy to get my rear out to the store.  So I said to myself:

"Self, if you are too lazy to get out and buy cigarettes then you are too lazy to be smoking!"

Self agreed and looked up towards God and said "God, all of these years "I" have been trying to quit smoking and "I" haven't succeeded but "YOU" will have to do it for me because "I" haven't been able to do it alone. 

Guess what?  I never picked up another one after those last four.   And the miracle of it is I was not only addicted, I was obsessed by smoking!  I smoked  2 packs a day when I quit.  And experts tell you to stay away from places that will tempt you.  This expert went to a bar amongst smokers the very first night, because if I was going to start again, I wanted it to be right away and not months down the road.

It was a belated birthday gift to my daughter because she would  always beg me to quit.  Other than having her,  it was the best thing I ever did!

Valentine's Day

Who'da thunk it?  I can't give away my heart nor my soul but everyone wants a piece of my gizzard.  Darn, where did I go wrong?

 

Love

Since tomorrow is St. Valentine's Day, I feel a need to wish all the men that shouldda,  couldda , wouldda been in my life a very special and heartfelt Happy Valentine's Day and I love each and everyone of you with all my heart, soul and gizzards!!           

 

            

 

 

 

                      

Brandi's Thank You

Isn't she a sweetie?

 

 

OH MY GOD!!!!!
Mom!

I am totaly emotional!!  I cannot thank you enough for this entry!!  Those are such beautiful words of love!  You mean everything to me!  This is something I will remember the most about my birthday!!  To know how you feel is one thing, but for you to take the time to express it is another!!  You have done a wonderful job with me and I want everyone to know it!!  You should have absolutly no doubts!  I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for you!!  I Love You with all of my heart!!  I cannot wait to see you tonight!!  We are going to party it up tonight!!  Thank you Thank you Thank you..I could go on forever!!  Thank everybody for my birthday wishes!!  I appreciate that so much!!  Oh and believe me, I am feeling the joy of being a mother!!  I Love You and thank you for giving me that chance!!

Your grateful daughter,
Brandi

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!!
Comment from suzybkewl - 2/10/06 12:27 PM

Happy Birthday Brandi!

Twenty four years ago today will always be the happiest day of my life. My daughter, Brandi Monique was born at 7:41 pm on a Wednesday night. This entry is for her.

My Dear Brandi,

God knew what he was doing when he placed us together. You have been and still are the biggest joy of my life. I have loved you from the moment I conceived the idea of having/wanting you. You have been my daughter but you have also been my valued and loved friend and an inspiration to me. You have been a daughter any mother would love to have but God blessed ME with you and I am so thankful. When God placed you in my arms 24 years ago I took with pride, the responsibility of loving and nurturing you with all my heart. I wanted to love you into something that I wasn't and I truly believe with God's graces, I have succeeded in raising you to be a very loving and lovable human being. I have not and nor have you done one thing to make me regret taking that responsibility. In any area that I have failed you, I am sorry, but when I failed it has been with love for you because everything I did, even my failures, were done in love.

YOU have made it a very easy task for me. You have made me laugh and you have made me cry but not one of those moments would I give up for anything in this world.

Brandi, how does a mother, sit and write the many joys you have given her in 24 years? It's impossible to ever completely do justice to what our relationship as mother and daughter has meant to me. I know you understand because in 3 1/2 years you have seen the joys of motherhood and I know from your experience that you know exactly what I feel for you and the depths for which I feel them. I thank God for you and the blessing that you have been in my life.

and I wish you the best that anyone could have!

 

 

Today you are older than I was when I had you and I hope you feel a hell of a lot better than I felt at this time 24 years ago!

                      I

  

                                         YOU

Give it up for Maxine!

For lack of anything intellectual to write I give you more of Maxine:

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

 

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine

A hangover is the wrath of grapes

 

Maxine, my hero!

 

 

Gotta love Maxine

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.

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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

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Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

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The original point and click tool was a Smith and Wesson

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God must love stupid people; He made so many.

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Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

I'm a Hymenal Girl

      

When you become a certain age it becomes possible to talk about anything. Nothing seems to cause much shame any longer. You have lived through much and you have been told much. Some truths and some untruths. Only from experience, tears and total embarrassment are you able to finally judge for yourself what appears to be true and what appears to be false. When you can stand up and boldly admit to not always knowing it all and having all the answers is when adulthood is somewhat attained. After this story is told you will realize that I definitely have no shame and will admit to anything.

I am going to take you back, way back, to a time when I was the most naive person imaginable. A time when mom could tell me anything and I believed it. A time when you did what your mother told you to do without question. You are all allowed to laugh at my naivety because this rendition is meant to be humorous. I can finally, after many years write about this experience with humor and without the embarrassment it has caused me in the past. I can look at it with much laughter because it was funny. Maybe not at the time but today it is.

I'm not sure if any of you are aware of this but you can bleed to death from having sex? I'm sure you've heard of many many cases of it? Yes sirree! That's what dear Mom told me and who was I to doubt her? After all, she had taken me to a doctor when I was 9 years old and he informed her that I had a thick hymen. Yeah that fold of mucous membrane that bursts the first time you are inducted into adulthood by the consummation of full blown sexual activity. (We have a theater here in town called "The Heymann Theater of Performing Arts" and I swear every time I hear it advertised I think of my thick hymen)

I digress. Apparently dear old Dr. James, after examining me, because I had a bladder infection, told my mother that I could possibly bleed a bit more than expected when I had my first sexual experience. Of course, I remember the pain of the examination, so when she later told me this, I didn't have a difficult time believing it was possible. It was the best available birth control and assurance of virginity that my mother could ever wish for. Her daughter, at all cost would walk down the aisle in white, come hell or high water!

When, I met my future husband to be, I had the dubious pleasure of having to let him know about the notorious thickness of my hymen. It was not going to be performing for him unless it was married to him and a doctor was readily available for my impending hemorrhage. I was 15 years old when he decided he would take the chance of marrying a girl who would perhaps bleed to death on their wedding bed. If that isn't love I don't know what is?

Mother and I planned the wedding for 8 months. Shopping for and buying the glorious white wedding gown. Oh Momma was so proud. Her daughter was getting married in white. A virgin. I would not shame her with an unwanted pregnancy!

Of course, he and I partook in many make out sessions and things got really hot and heavy but I always had that lightbulb in my head going off telling me "whoop" "whoop" "whoop" "thick hymen alert!". I could not imagine having to call my mother from the hospital to inform her that I had defied her and was dying from hymenal causes. My future husband was even more paranoid than I and Mr. Happy stayed where it belonged most of the time. *Snorts* I did see Mr. Happy on a few occasions and it further convinced me that I could die from this thing that could possibly be just as thick as my hymen. A double whammy!

As the wedding drew near, my mother was in a panic that her daughter may not survive the wedding night, and mother dearest wanted to be close at hand should the unspeakable happen. She went to every length to insure I would have swift medical attention in the event of my death by impalement. Located about a mile from where we lived and where my mother would be staked out with medical provisions, was Deweyville Texas, and the rinkiest dinkiest sleazy motel you can envision. Redneck capital of the world!

We arrive one week in advance, my mother, myself and my future husband, to make reservations at this esteemed establishment. I would not lie to you! Reservations for a place that rarely saw anything but prostitutes and roaches. $6.00 a night paid in advance. I look back on it and cringe with embarrassment!

May 31, 1975, after our wedding and reception, in the broad day light, we arrive at our honeymoon suite . This place does not even have a lobby. It has a window from the outside to a room where you buzz a bell that summons someone in the inside to get the key to the room.

My husband gets the key and we haul our luggage in. I walk into the room and my jaw drops to the cement floor. Yes, the floor did not even have tile on it. It was bare cement. I, being the sport I have always been, knows what I have to do. I open my suitcase and remove my white negligee with the little red heart on the top right hand corner and proceed to the bathroom which was like walking to my death chamber.. I don't know which was worse...the bathroom or the idea that I was getting ready for my deathbed.

I walk out of the bathroom and my husband is waiting on the bed for me. I get into bed with him and he tries kissing me but then I hear the whirring of a lawn mower outside. I look to my left and I see the curtains have a huge part the size of which Moses would have been proud of and the curtains are catshit yellow like everything was back in the mid-70's.

From the parting of the Red Sea, I could see the maintenance guy passing back and forth in front of the window with his mower making wonderful romantic music and, I, for the life of me, cannot muster any desire for this man that is my husband lying upon me. Everything was very surreal. I look him in the eye and these were my exact words

"Stick it in...see if I'm gonna bleed and let's get the hell out of here!"

There was a huge sigh of relief when penetration didn't cause my fatal demise. I called my mother to inform her that her daughter didn't even shed a drop of blood. Not one crimson drop! Sonavabitch! If that wasn't a form of sexual abuse, I don't know what is.

So there you have it, the story of how one 16 year old remained a virgin until marriage.

 

 

 

 

Many things are possible for the person who has hope. Even more is possible for the person who has faith. And still more is possible for the person who knows how to love. But everything is possible for the person who practices all three virtues.

- Brother Lawrence (1605-1691)