A new job

Anyone out there want to hire me?  Yesterday for the first time in my entire career (25 years) I got an official in my file warning for making a mistake.  I am not here to complain because I did make the error and I have gotten over the fact that I am not perfect.  Damn that was a hard thing for me to realize!  I also accomplished something else with this little warning I lost all fears of being thought of as not as good at my job as I thought I was.  I realized that maybe I am not suited for accounting any longer.  I am bored with it and most of all bored with the company I work with.  First of all I'm a fun-loving and a joking person.  Absolutely no one jokes or has fun at this place.  It has been a big adjustment for me to work there and not joke around.  When my supervisor brought my little warning notice to be signed I had a little tete'-a-tete' with her telling her that I would be searching for another job because I was not suited for their environment.  I explained to her how trying it was for me to always be so serious when this is not my character.  Her come back was if we joked around we would never get any work done.  This floored me because I believe that if morale were higher more work would be accomplished and people would want to be there.   As mature adults I do believe we know how and when to joke around.  She said this was better place to work because a place she worked prior to this one there was a lot of offensiveness... farting and belching.   I told her I could stand to hear a little fartin' and belchin'...At least I'd feel like I worked with humans.

By the way..the suggestion and solution I gave for correcting the possibility of another error like that one happening was not even acknowledged by either one of them. Probably was the reason I got a warning because I had the audacity to speak my mind.  That is another reason I am leaving because I am not going to work for a company that doesn't have enough respect to at least acknowledge a suggestion.  I wasn't expecting it to be implemented but at least a mere "I respect your suggestion but go to hell" would have been preferable to nothing.

Enough of that...I' m off to do something more exciting...like mow the lawn.

Doing Nothing

I've just figured out why I do nothing so well.....it's because that's all I can afford to do....Sooooo I'm off to perfecting the nothingness in my life.  LOL

Learning how to be perfect

Well folks I made my second mistake at work in one year. Because I deal with accounting and money naturally my mistakes are noticed.  Lets just say the boss didn't take it well and told me I was careless which of course is total bull.  I offered no excuses but I did offer a solution which got batted down by my immediate supervisor so I took it straight to the president.  Believe it or not this company which has been in business for over 40 years does not have anyone checking my work.  Not all work needs to be checked but absolutely NO ONE double checks the payroll! I have free access to all checks and the check signing machine.  Do you know how easy it would be for a dishonest person to steal?  I offered a solution to this internal problem but it seems they are so apt to find fault but when push comes to shove and real change needs to be implemented they all want to stay in there own little safety zones so as not to have to do one iota of extra work!  Well that means I have to strive for a more perfect record so they can continue in their ignorance.  One day someone dishonest is going to come along and hopefully they remember my suggestion!

Blessing of the day:

No one of you should say, "Blessed are they who have deserved to receive Christ into their homes!" Do not grieve or complain that you were born in a time when you can no longer see God in the flesh. He did not in fact take this privilege from you. As he says, "Whatever you have done to the least of my brothers, you did to me."

- St. Augustine (from a sermon on Martha and Mary)

Hormones

My poor hormones are in an uproar today.  I cry at the drop of a hat so please leave that hat on your head when you walk through my door.  My Whoremones are working overtime and I'm in the mood to hurt someone.  Good thing I'm not married nor do I have a significant other or they'd be running for shelter about now.  Emotions...darn they are hard to deal with right now.  I just had a good cry over the little 4 year old they found wandering around on the freeway in DC. His mother got upset with him so just dropped him off in the middle of the freeway.  He tried to get back in the car and she ran into him.  Can you imagine the fear that little boy felt and feels?  If you can't trust your mother to take care of you who will that child trust?  How can anyone do that?  I guess we all have our childhood horror stories that cause us to be what/who we are today.  We survive them and try to cope with the effects.  That 4 year old will be just like us...trying to cope with the senseless things that adults do to innocent children.  It hurts my heart and if anyoneever does anything to my little grandson they'll have to answer to me...children are so fragile and we need to protect them.

The blessing:

To believe firmly and to keep silent is not possible.

- St. Pedro Poveda Castroverde (1874-1936)

Dancing

Driving home from work today I was listening to Cajun Music  www.kbon.com and it made me want to dance. Well actually I was doing some fancy jig work with my whole body while driving.   Dancing always puts a smile on my face and joy in my heart.  It's been a very long time since I've danced and I'm beginning to miss it very much.  I do believe that has been my problem lately...  Some days you gotta dance!  I think I'll Waltz across Texas or maybe do a little Walking to New Orleans in my Boogie Shoes.

Thoughts

Do you believe that if you are thinking very strongly about someone that they too are thinking of you?  If tears fall from thinking do you believe that their tears are flowing too?  Our minds are such strong tools that can be used in ways that are limitless.  Why do we suddenly think of someone out of the blue?  I believe it's because that person is thinking of you.  In my mind I touch that person with my thoughts and I believe that they feel the touch of my hands on their soul or wherever else my thoughts behold.  It eases my pain to know my mind can depart and go with my body soul and heart. If I just shut my eyes and open my mind I can be so close to reaching out and touching you.

The blessing:

We do not have to talk very much in order to pray well. We know that God is there in His holy tabernacle; let us open our hearts to Him; let us rejoice in His Presence: This is the best prayer.

- St. John Vianney

Have Mercy!

Mr. 12 pack was not sitting on his front steps this afternoon.  Thank God for small favors!

I have one question...why is it that the little people of the world always get the buck passed to them?  When did admitting wrong become outdated?  I don't know about you guys but when someone is humble enough to admit they are wrong instead of passing the buck to the lowly people definitely earns my respect.  What gets me even more frustrated is when you are looking at that person and they know they are wrong/lying and they know you know they are wrong/lying but they continue to pretend to themselves and because they think they are the almighty they can get away with it.  Well I have one thing to say to them: God knows and that's all that matters in my eyes.

 

Blessing of the day:

Faith is the unshaken stance of the soul and is unmoved by any adversity. The believing person is not one who thinks God can do all things, but one who trusts that he will obtain everything. Faith is the agent of things unhoped for.

- St. John Climacus on the Feast of Sts. Joachim and Anne (First Century

Sunday

What a long boring day!  I decided to stay home and do nothing.  I am the master of doing nothing but for some reason today was not an easy day for me.   I know I won't sleep tonight because I laid around all day so that means it will be a long night as well. :(   I really do need to get a life..I've been single now for 4 months going on 5 and I think it's damned near time to venture out into the world again. I've communed with myself for long enough and I think my inner being is telling me "Sharlene get out there and try it again!"  but my outter being is saying "hell no!"  There is a war going on within myself.  On the one hand I want to believe love is possible but on the other hand I know the odds are against me.  The battles of the mind...I could quite them with alcohol or drugs but I choose to let them fight until someone comes out the winner.  Thank God for my faith or I know these battles would be so much more difficult.

And here is the blessing of the day.  He speaks:

When it's God Who is speaking ... the proper way to behave is to imitate someone who has an irresistible curiosity and who listens at keyholes. You must listen to everything God says at the keyhole of your heart.

- St. John Vianney

shirtless men

I know it's acceptable for a man to choose not to wear a shirt but when I am downtown minding my own business going home in the Friday afternoon traffic and I look to my right and see a man sitting on the front steps of his trailer with a can of beer and a huge beer gut overflowing from his pants it is very offensive to me.  I find it very disturbing that someone would actually think I want to see this.  Even if the man had a 6 pack I would still find it unappealing.  You expect to see this in the country but in the middle of town with the 5pm traffic flowing by?  Although it is acceptable something in me finds it not very respectful to the eyes of a woman.  I had an uncle and also my father who absolutely never went without a shirt in front of a lady unless of course it was on a beach.  Somewhere and somehow someone taught them manners and I am very grateful for that because growing up and even now I would have hated to invite a friend over and have my dad walking around with no shirt on.

Mowing

I am going to venture out today and mow my lawn.  It is so frigging hot that I'm starting to consider dating just to provide myself the services of lawn maintanence.  If I do not return to my journal that means I have succumbed to the heat and have deprived the world of my brilliance.

Hospice

Well folks after many attempts at looking for a place to volunteer my time I have finally volunteered for Hospice.  I've volunteered in every area they have available since I have so much time on my hands.  In the past few years I have been feeling a bit useless and I've wanted and needed to contribute somewhere. Give back to God what he has so generously given to me.  I've thought of so many charities to contribute but I guess I needed a "calling"  and in our church bulletin there it was an advertisement for Hospice.  I have to go through a two day training course and Thank God I have vacation time that I can take off to do this.  For many years I have had a strong fear of death and I think this will help me combat that fear by showing me that there is a peacefulness even in death.  I saw that peacefulness once when my mother in law was dying.  Death can be a very beautiful and touching time with family surrounding you.  Life is so difficult at times.... I wonder why we struggle so hard to remain living when in death all your worries are gone?

The blessing of the day (isn't this ironic?)

If I were to die within a few hours, I would do nothing more than I do now.  For now I am actually giving to God all that I have.  I cannot give more unless God in his mercy bestows it on me.

- Venerable Gregroy Lopez (1542-1596)

Cajuns

This made my day! I am mighty proud of my heritage!
Just a poetic reminder, from an "adopted Cajun" Bob Hamm.
What is a Cajun?

Between the red hills of North Louisiana and the blue waters of the 
Gulf of Mexico, lives the Cajun. Among the marshes and the bayous, the
tall oaks and whispering moss, he carries on the traditions of his 
hardy Nova Scotian ancestors, les Acadiens (the Acadians), whose 
flight from persecution brought them to the lush South Louisiana soil 
over two centuries ago.
In other parts of the world, little girls are made of sugar and spice 
and everything nice, while little boys are made of snips and snails 
and puppy dog tails.  Little Cajun children are made of gumbo, boudin 
and sauce piquante, crawfish stew and Oreilles de Cochon.
A Cajun child is given bayous to fish in, marshes to trap in, room to 
grow in and churches to worship in. A Cajun likes fiddles and 
accordions in his music, plenty of pepper in his courtbouillon, shrimp
in his nets, speed in his horses, neighborliness in his neighbors and 
love in his home.
A Cajun dislikes people who don't laugh enough, fish enough, or enjoy 
enough of all the good things God has given to the Cajun Country.
He doesn't like to be hurried when he's resting or distracted when 
he's working. He doesn't like to see people unhappy, and he'll do all 
he can or give all he has to bring a smile to a face stricken with 
sadness.
A Cajun likes to dance and laugh and sing when his week of hard work 
has ended. And just as Saturday night at the fais-do-do replenishes 
his store of energy and his personal balance so he can meet the next 
week's chores with vigor, Sunday at Church refreshes his spiritual an moral values
and keeps strong his always sustaining faith.

A link with a proud past, a Cajun is a man of tolerance who will let 
the world go its way if the world will let him go his. He is a man of 
great friendliness who will give you the crawfish off his table, the 
Sac-au-Lait off his hook or the shirt off his back.

But if you cross a Cajun, he'll give you the back of his hand or the 
toe of his boot. If he likes you, he'll give you his whole wide,
wonderful world. If he doesn't, he'll give you a wide berth.
A Cajun is a complex person, with as many ingredients in his makeup as
there are in the gumbo Mama makes for special company.
He has tolerance for those who earn it ... charity for those who need 
it ... a smile for those who will return it ... and love for all who 
will share it.
BUT ... a Cajun can be as stubborn as a mule and as ornery as an 
alligator. If he sets his head on something, he'll fight a circle saw
before he'll yield to your opinions.
You'd as well argue with a fence post as try to change the mind of a Cajun.  And, as fun-loving as he is, a Cajun can work as long and hard as any
man. He carved out "Acadiana" by hand, from the swamps and marshes and uncultivated prairies.

But when the work is done and the argument ended, a Cajun can sweep 
you right into a wonderful world of joie de vivre with an accordion 
chorus of "Jolie Blonde" and a handful of happy little words

headaches

I am sitting at work on this fine Friday afternoon bored to tears as usual. Efficiency breeds boredom. Ignorance is bliss too.   I have a headache and this reminds me of a story about my second husband (Mark) God rest his soul.  I’m sure before this journal is complete you will hear many stories about my husbands.  I promise to always try to keep it nice and only reveal the good.  Mark was the kind of person you either loved or hated.  I have always described him as a person who walks into a room and you hold your breath and you only release it upon his leaving.  He was like a world wind.  Lots of swiggly lines with no direction.  Anyway one day we are sitting at our dining room table looking out upon the patio.  We are on the subject of headaches because he has been having severe headaches that caused him terrible pain.  I am listening to him compassionately when he tells me they must be “migrating” headaches.  My eyes widen and it takes all I  have within me not to burst out laughing.  I, being who I am, must pick and poke at this situation I have before me.

I ask him “Mark please tell me exactly where this headache is going?”

He replies, “huh?”

I say, “if it’s migrating it must be going somewhere”

 

 I have these deliriously crazy ideas going on in my head.  If birds migrate to the South in the winter do headaches migrate South to the toes?

 

I say, “Mark!  When your headache migrates does it affect your toes?”

 

At this point he is totally frustrated with my lack of understanding.  Poor darling I never did have the heart to tell him any different but I sure always had such a fun time telling the story.  He later of course had a deviated septum and his migraines really did migrate away from his head.

Dating

As my intro says I am 3 times divorced woman and my most recent one was a few months ago.  Having been married 3 times it’s difficult to get the “ummph” to want to try it all again. I have not been out once and have no desire to go out.  I don’t want the hassles of dating and going through the spill of my values and morals only to have them laughed at in this day and age.  Guys want to date me and they say they respect my values but that’s only to get the foot in the door.  Once the foot is in the door then begins the process of trying to change my mind about what I believe in.  Do I sound jaded?  Well I’m not…I trust guys believe what they are saying and truly try to be what they say but when push comes to shove I find there libido always gets in the way.  It is nature at it’s finest! LOL

Anyway having said all of the above, I am going to a concert with my daughter and she has a boss that she wants to set me up with.  How can I trust a daughter who doesn’t even know the mechanics of a “see and say”?  She says he is 40 something with no kids and she doesn’t think he’s ever been married.  She thinks he’s very attractive.  Now in my mind I’m wondering as suspicious as I am of his never having been married he will most surely question my numerous nuptials.  Do I even want to begin to explain this to anyone?  I could always say my second husband died but conveniently leave out the fact that it was after we divorced.  I mean who would ever know??  I would.  Even though I’m not proud of it neither am I ashamed.  I learned a lot in these marriages that would not have been learned any other way.  Each man/marriage has taught me valuable lessons about life and myself.  Hmmm…maybe not dating means I don’t want to learn too much more about myself?  LOL

Now my question to you is:  Why should I care?  Go out with the guy…have a good time and don’t worry about what he thinks about me.  I can only be me and I’m not looking for anyone so it’s just a night out, right?  Wrong…we all have preconceived ideas of what an outing with the opposite sex just might lead to. Oh he could be “the one” and “my destiny”.  Oh puke Sam!  Where do these romantic notions come from?  You would think after 3 times I’d leave these notions behind?

See and Say

I have failed miserably as a mother. I need to be flogged and thrown to the lions.   I have a 23 year old daughter who is married and has a 3 year old and I thought I had imparted all of my wisdom upon her but apparently I failed in areas that were unforeseeable.  In her 23 years she has surprised me with many things that I could not believe she wasn't aware of but this one takes my breath away.  My grandson and I along with my son-in-law were sitting in my den oohing and ahhing over every little thing Matthew (my grandson) was doing.  He is at the lovely age of discovering things that my daughter obviously missed in life.  My grandson and I were playing with his "See and Say" and I could hear my daughter approaching the room so I pointed the little arrow to the pig and explained to Matthew "here is your mom".  (I am a neat freak and my daughter is very messy...can I say "slob"?  we have always butted  heads on this issue)  She didn't hear it the first time so I pointed the arrow again to the pig and said "here's your mom".  Let me explain a little about my daughter she is one of the few people I know that still laughs from the soul  upwards.  It starts very deeply and her eyes light up and her face has this beautiful glow about it.  It's the most heartfelt sound your ears will ever hear.  It's so infectious that you must immediately start laughing before you have any clue what she is laughing about.  Anyway she has this look of total shock on her face from the discovery she has just made.  I want you all to know my dear daughter was not deprived as a child and she did have a "See and Say" but somewhere I failed to teach her that you could actually point the arrow to the animal you wanted to hear and pull the string (now it's a lever like a slot machine).  Imagine my remorse when she told me that morning she sat with the See and Say for 5 minutes impatiently waiting until she gave up because she wanted it to land on the cow so her husband could hear it.  Now why in God's name did he not notice what she was doing and correct her?  I'm sure he wasn't even aware or probably never dreamed she did not know something so obvious? Now I am left wondering what other information she is living without?  I shutter at the thought that she is walking through life without important knowledge vital to living.  Let me tell you my daughter isa graduate of high school and has an associates degree....but unfortunately the degree is not in the mechanics of "See and Say". Thank God I only gave this world one child...I am a failure!

The Lily of the Mohawk

Oh My goodness!  I am touched.  Let me explain...I pray the rosary most every night and reading the story of this young Indian girl who vowed to remain chaste is quite touching to me because in this day and age as a single person chastity is something we all struggle with.  I have a friend who will remain nameless that we joke about wearing chastity belts but so far they haven't been needed. God is our Chastity Belt.   We remain steadfast in our devotion to be celibate....no I didn't say celibrate...LOL

 

SAINT KATERI TEKAKWITHA
Virgin
(1656-1680)

Kateri Tekakwitha, known as “the Lily of the Mohawk”, was born in 1656 of a captive Algonquin mother and an Iroquois chieftain. Her mother was a Christian but dared not baptize Kateri or her younger brother. When an epidemic of smallpox broke out in 1660, the little girl lost her mother and brother, perhaps also her father at that time; she herself nearly succumbed to the malady.

Her uncle, who adopted her, later wanted her to marry a young Iroquois her own age, but she refused, having already experienced the horror of the Iroquois brutalities. When in 1675 Father Jacques de Lamberville, Jesuit missionary, discovered on the banks of the Mohawk River this “beautiful lily”, he transplanted her to the mission of St. Francis Xavier near Montreal, which had been founded a few years before. She received her first Communion there on Christmas day of 1676.

In 1679, on the feast of the Annunciation, with the authorization of one of the Fathers at the mission, Kateri privately pronounced a vow of perpetual chastity and consecrated herself to the Blessed Virgin. From that time on, she and her rosary were inseparable. Her health had never been strong, and her penances contributed to weakening it further. It was during Holy Week of 1680 that this young Indian maiden quietly expired, invoking the names of Jesus and Mary. Miracles and favors were attributed to her soon after her death.

In 1943, Pope Pius XII admitted the cause of beatification, approving the decree on the heroism of her virtues. Saint Kateri had appeared to some Polish prisoners during World War II, telling them she was named a patron of their country and brought about their release. They described to the Jesuits of their own country, the young Indian girl whom they had all seen in their vision, and learned who she was — Kateri, Lily of the Mohawk, the Canadian Indian girl who had attained sanctity very young and died at the age of 24 years. She was beatified in 1980, canonized in 1991.

What the heck!

ummmmmm....I just noticed my journal was viewed a few times.  Darn now I'm actually embarrassed that someone is reading my postings!  Reveal yourself whomever you are!   I will track you down!  You will never be safe from these probing eyes of mine. LOL

 

Another Blessing:

In this day and age, when the pleasure-principle so dominates our society, and when people expend all kinds of time, effort and energy to remove the Cross from Christianity and to escape the sometimes harsh realities and responsibilities of mature Christian living, Kateri Tekakwitha stands as an heroic example of how to integrate the mystery of the Cross with the mystery of the Resurrection in a way that gives honor and glory to God and that ensures loving service to His people.

- Bishop Howard J. Hubbard, DD, of Albany, N.Y. (on the Canonization of St. Kareti Tekakwitha)

I get these blessing mailed to me daily.  Sometimes they are so inspiring and sometimes I wonder what the heck they mean.  Since I don't know who Keteri Tekakwitha is and what his/her life stands for this blessing is lost on me.  Well it may mean I need to do research on who and what he/she did so that I can find meaning.  Ah...that is a thought! I will research it and get back with you.  I know you are waiting with bated breath for my speedy return.

Getting the hang of this

I'm trying to get the hang of this writing in a journal.  I read so many other journal entries and they seem so easily done.  I have information in my head but to write it down here  requires a lot of skill.  I will keep trying and hopefully one day I'll be able to match wits with the best of them.

Blessing of the day:

Love is the fusion of two souls in one in order to bring about mutual perfection.

- St. Teresa of the Andies (1900-1920

Ah...love...such an elusive dream for me.  Someday  Somehow Somewhere

Dancing with my mirror

I'm truly wondering if anyone will ever read this.  If you do...thank you.

Today I will rave instead of ranting.  I am in an extremely good mood tonight.  God has blessed me with feeling good about me today.  Funny how we need to feel good about ourself in order to feel good in general.  I'm listening to my favorite artist Keith Urban and I found myself dancing in front of the mirror truly enjoying myself.  Looking at myself and liking me today.  That's a wonderful feeling! 

I'm all alone this weekend for the first time in a while.  I'm going to enjoy it.  Sleep late and do what I do best....NOTHING.

The blessing of the day:

If you are fond of dressing elegantly, or when you put on your clothes, think of the incorruptible garment of righteousness in which our souls should be arrayed, or of Jesus Christ Who is our spiritual raiment, as it is said: "For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ, have put on Christ" (Gal. 3:27).

- St. John of Kronstadt (1828-1908)