And some things do not pass...

The quarter decided to remain deposited and a surgeon had to remove it so my grandson could see what president was on the face of it....

Accidently Swallowing Quarters

Yesterday, my darling grandson, Matthew, swallowed a quarter. Matthew is now 6 years old so swallowing a quarter to me would take a concentrated effort on his part and it couldn't be an "accident" because he consciously put the quarter in his mouth or so I thought. I spoke with him and asked him about this happening and the conversation went like this:

Me: Matthew, tell Nammy what happened today?

Matthew: Nammy, I accidently dropped a quarter in my mouth.

Me: (amused) Now Matthew, you are telling Nammy a story. There is no way you can "accidently" drop a quarter in your mouth! You put it in it your mouth and "accidently" swallowed it.

Matthew (insistingly): Nammy, I did accidently drop it!

Me: (unbelieving) Matthew, tell Nammy how that is possible?

Matthew: (convincingly) Nammy, I was holding the quarter up to see what President was on the quarter and it accidently fell in my mouth. I fell backwards and swallowed it. I tried to get it out but I couldn't.

Me: (laughing uncontrollably)

Why oh why do I ever doubt that child? I, who was so sure there was no way you could accidently drop a quarter in your mouth, was proven wrong by a six year old. I have come to the conclusion that as it is with God, it is with children, all things are possible!

And this too shall pass...

I am here

It was a long hard road here but I made it! I put my hardhat on and went to work! The transfer left me with about 8 blogs by the time it was over and a little research taught me how to delete them all. Thanks to all my followers for making the journey with me. Some of you I had no clue you even read me and now I feel an obligation to give you some trivial nothing to read!

To the left you will see me at work. Okay, I don't actually work on a boat as this picture depicts. We had the privilege of touring our new boat that was launched yesterday. I would give anything to be the Captain of this Ship and I truly think I missed my calling! I'd have made a damn good Captain! Captain Sam...what ya think?

My new granddaughter

I have a new red-headed granddaughter...here she is along with my grandson and daughter. Her name is Chloetilde.  Isn't she adorable?  My daughter now calls and sends pics of the damned dog instead of my grandson.  I'm like "who cares?"

 

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Squatting

I am country! And I’m here to prove it!

In 2001, I was out on the town enjoying a few cold ones with a male friend. It was late and time for me to make the trip home which was 20 miles away. My male friend decided to walk me to my car. Prior to him deciding to walk me to the car, I had come to the conclusion that I could make it home without making one last pit stop to the dreaded public restroom. He walks me to the car and decides he needs to talk with me a little longer. As he’s talking, my bladder is filling but then he finally decides that all the convincing in the world wasn’t going to make me bring him home with me. I get on the road and I’m half way home when I realize there is no way in hell I’m going to make it home without relieving myself somewhere. It’s late at night and there’s no public place I feel safe enough to make a pit stop. I’m driving, with my legs squeezed as tightly together as you can while having one foot on the accelerator. I’m wiggling in my seat trying like the dickens to make it but at this point my teeth are floating and concentration is becoming a big problem. I’m right outside a little village called Maurice when I decided I can’t wait any longer. I do what any lady would do, I pull off to the side of the road, scope out the traffic, open the door, find a nice grassy spot and proceed to pull my jeans to my knees and squat. Relief is instant and no one is the wiser!

The following day I make a trip to the nursing home to visit my elderly grandmother. Had the same need to urinate and made use of the nursing home facilities. No problem, shouldn’t have been a big thing, right? Wrong! Stay with me here. I do have a point.

A week later, which was the week before Thanksgiving, I’m walking in New Orleans, with the same young gent who caused my bladder spasms, and I feel my left butt cheek irritated. The more I walk, the more my ass is chapped. My jeans rub against my left butt cheek and it’s very uncomfortable but I think that obviously something bit my ass while I squatted the week before. I think nothing of it and continue walking and drinking my Buffet Margaritas in New Orleans. Come Monday, I thought it would be all right, but it was a swelling like no body’s bidness! I thought I had a big rear before. Now it was a bit lopsided. Lumpy so to speak! I thought, okay, it’s a spider bite and will go away. Nadda, it was only getting worse. I’m what, we call in French, "tete du" hardheaded. Finally on Thanksgiving day, my jeans were no longer fitting and my shapeliness was getting shapeless. My family decides they are taking matters into their own hands and make me go to the hospital. I go to the emergency room thinking it’s a wasted trip and they will tell me to keep my happy ass off the side of the road from now on. (I did have to tell my story to the physician so he could make his best educated guess as to what was wrong) The physician decides that something had bit me but he does a culture just in case. He gives me some happy pills and antibiotics and sends my rear home.

Saturday morning arrives and I get a call from the hospital. I need to get my swollen, lopsided, unhappy ass there as soon as possible. Now I knew that it was bad because my body was producing things that should not have ever come out of any body but especially mine! I had never in my life seen anything close to what I was seeing butt I wasn’t really worried until they told me I had STAPH. I arrive at the hospital to be hooked up to IV’s and placed in a room that was sealed off and everything that left the room would leave in Orange Contaminated bags. I have never felt so ostracized in my whole life.

Would I ever squat on the side of the road again? You bet your happy ass I would....but I will NEVER pee in a nursing home again! It was the spider bite that left an open wound which allowed the Staph from the nursing home toilet to enter my body. It was the grossest thing that I’ve ever seen and public restrooms to this day cause flashbacks of something I never want to endure again!

A Fantasy Kiss

This is my first attempt at writing something other than real life experiences.  This is a vision I had driving home from work yesterday (okay you have to do something in 5 pm traffic!!) and decided to see if I could put it in writing.  This is the result:

She was sitting on the wooden bench, a solitary soul, gazing upon the Vermillion hues of the sunset. The sun was moving just below the horizon, casting the last rays of the day upon her tanned skin. You could see a few years upon her face but she was quite content with herself and where she was in life, this was witnessed by her very relaxed and calm state of being. If you happened to be watching, perhaps you would think she was sleeping, but if you looked closely you would see the thoughts chasing across her face. A smile, a twinkle, and a bit of a smirk. Looking at her, made you wonder what was traipsing across her mind that made her smile so tantalizingly.

Perhaps she was dreaming of a kiss. A kiss from a handsome stranger. The kiss that she had always fantasized about. That one kiss that would erase all others. All of a sudden, her senses are peaked, she feels his dark presence before she sees it. She is scared to look. Her heart slows a few beats. Afraid that it will be nothing but her imagination playing tricks upon her once again, but no, when she looks up, she sees him. He is standing, with the sunset upon his skin, within touching distance and she looks at him with that, uncomprehending, slightly quizzical look. He smiles and nods as if he knows that she has been waiting for him. With fluid motion, he holds out his hand and she takes it with a knowing smile. He pulls her gently toward him but she resists slightly as she gazes upon his manly features. Her fingerstips follow her eyes over every feature of his dark face. She caresses his face in wonderment, as if she is scared by her mere touch he will disappear. She bites her lip in anticipation. Her fingertips touch his lips knowing that her lips would soon follow. She moves in closer and lightly touches her tongue to her own fingertips, teasing him with her hot breath upon his lips. He tries to pull her in even closer toward him but she stops him once again, letting him know with her eyes that he is allowed only to experience her and wrap his presence around her. She feels him tremble with unsatiated desire and she sees the telling emotions upon the shadowsof his face. As she moves a little closer she places her hands upon his chest. She feels the thunder of his heartbeat. She smiles the knowing smile of a woman, a woman who knows the effect she is having on him, but she teasingly prolongs that moment that will only happen once. The first kiss of lovers. Finally she looks up and lightly traces her tongue upon his lips and nibbles slightly on his bottom lip. Sucking ever so gently and playing chase with her tongue and the tips of her fingers on his lip. She teases and flirts with every slight breath upon his lips. He tries again to deepen the kiss...she resists by turning her head. She smiles broadly up at him, knowing it's almost time and takes his hand leading him toward the bench. His knees buckle from beneath him and his whole being melds into the bench....

She opens her eyes, notices the sun has finally fallen below the horizon, she turns slightly to look at him, and then she looks down at her empty hand and realizes he was merely the shadows of darkness dancing around her. She pulls herself up off of the bench and chases the shadow to her bedroom and watches it dance upon the wall.

 

 

Sharlene, July 2008

Bikini's and Confession

Today I found myself in the confessional baring my heart out to our priest.  I love that man!  He always listens with an open mind and today I found myself laughing with him in the confessional.  He has an awesome sense of humor that I love and respect to the utmost.  When he first came to the parish, I was not too impressed with him because he tended to drone on and on without going anywhere.  I stuck with him and as he droned on and on he continued to laugh at his own ramblings and tangents.  I began to love them and find humor in them as well.

 

Today, there I was in the confessional with a dilemma, one I've always had because of my grandmother.  As a young teen roaming the beaches, she thought that it was disgraceful to walk the beaches in a bikini or swimsuit of any kind. (She's the one who never bathed without her panties on)   I grew up thinking that it was possibly not good to flaunt your body around.  Of course, I didn't listen to my conscious and continued flaunting,  but as I got older, I revisited that notion.  This past weekend, by the pool in Dallas, I found myself in my bikini flaunting.

 

This is how my confession proceeded:

 

Me:  In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit Amen

 

Me:  Bless me Father for I have sinned, it's been a few months since my last confession.  Father since my last confession I went to Dallas and missed Mass and wore a bikini.  I flaunted my body and I'm sure I caused other men to have impure thoughts.

 

Father:  <Silence>

 

Me:  <chuckle> Father, I don't know if it's a sin to wear a bikini and bare my body for all to see but I'm here to find out.  I've always wondered about that.

 

Priest:  <Chuckle, Snicker, Laugh>  "Depends on how you look in it!"  (I lie, he didn't say that!)

 

Sharlene : <giggles nervously>

 

Priest:  Well,  I don't know either but the sin is in the eye of the beholder.  Some will look at your body and see it as a Creation of God and others will see it with lust.  You have no control over how it is seen.  As long as you don't wear your bikini in church, I see nothing wrong with it.  A bikini is as inappropriate in a church,

 

Sharlene :  "as long johns are on the beach".

 

Priest: <laughs out loud> "yes"

 

Priest absolves me of all my sins and asked me to say the "Act of Contrition" which I never remember because of my nerves after confessing.  He says that it is posted right there for me to see at which time I have to inform him  that I'm almost 50, it's dark in there and I can't read it without my reading glasses.  He laughs and says "and you were wearing a bikini??!"

 

Sharlene:  <chuckle>  Yes, Father, is that a sin now?

 

Priest:  <chuckle>  No, go in peace, your sins are absolved, God Bless!

 

Sharlene:  <sigh of relief>  God Bless you Father

 

To myself, I said wow!    Destin here I come!! That was too cool and I left chuckling and giggling with such joy because it was like talking to a friend and sharing a secret.  I had a spring in my step and a heart as light as air.