A daughter only a mother can love.

I have been long overdue in writing about my lovely daughter. Although, I felt her grow inside of my womb for 9 months and I saw her being pulled from within me, she has to be someone else's child. I know for a fact that I was never a party to any of the things she did not learn in her youth. I was a very informative mother giving her all the knowledge she needed in order to live in this cold and cruel world. She most definitely gets her unconsciousness from her father. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

A few stories I must relate to you before I get to the granddaddy of them all. All of these occurrences happened when she was old enough to have gleaned information from her surroundings and should have had knowledge of them without being told.

The first one is probably easily shrugged off as probably not thinking. My mother had an 8 acre family fish pond and we had a camper trailer that we would frequent in the summer months. One such time we had left the camper to go to Sunday mass and it was pouring down raining when we returned and my father realized he had locked the keys inside of the trailer.

My dad is a very grouchy individual and it was lunch time and the manna (that communion host wasn't going far) was inside of the trailer. He was cursing about having left the keys inside and I'm sure Brandi, my daughter's focus, was mainly on the key being inside of the trailer. Dad comes up with the idea that Brandi is the smallest person ( not the brightest but the smallest LOL I love you Brandi) so he will put her through the window.

Bear in mine that all she is thinking is that the keys are inside of the trailer. Imagine my hungry Dad, in the pouring rain, grouchy as a bear, getting soaked and my daughter finally arrives safely through window and innocently asked:

"Okay Pawpa, where's the keys?"

My dad's response is "Open the son of a bitchin door!"

Yep, she was going to find the keys, crawl out the window and deposit them into my father's soaked hands.

Story Number two also includes my father. I think the man is an instigator.

My lovely little angel was watching Monday night football with us. The game was being played in New Jersey and her step brother was stationed in New Jersey.She was about 14 at the time and the cameraman shows a view of the big beautiful full moon. And my daughter gets excited over the smallest of things and watching a football game which was being played in New Jersey where her step brother was...that was a big happening for her.

My dad was clowning her and says "I wonder if we have a full moon too?" Yes, you guessed...she went and looked.

Story Number three is possibly my favorite story because it's so ridiculous. She, once again is 13 or so. Her favorite country music star at the time is Clay Walker and we are headed for a concert in Beaumont Texas. It is very cold. The wind is bitingly damp and miserable and no amount of clothes can generate enough body heat. Ice is forming on the windshield and my daughter is worried about making it to the concert on time. All our lives, we have heard about the "wind chill factor". Depending on temperature and how hard the winds are blowing determines the wind child factor, right? Wrong. My daughter decides to ask us at that point how do they measure the "windshield factor"? What kind of tool do they use? After, I laughed my ass off, I was no longer cold.

Story Number 4 is more recent and I shared it in an entry. It had to do with her not realizing the mechanics of a "see and say". Here is the story if you care to read it

.See and Say

Now the granddaddy of them all happened this past weekend. My daughter calls me immediately afterward to relate the story. Mom you will never believe what I didn't know. I said "Oh God Brandi, what now?" I have time and time again told my daughter, if she doesn't know something, please ask her mother first. It is imperative, in order, not to look foolish to check with mom. Mom knows all. She doesn't listen very well.

My 23 year old daughter is at her in laws for the Thanksgiving holiday. Her mother in law has apparently made a "to die for" cornbread dressing. I don't know about you guys in this world but I've always called cornbread dressing, cornbread dressing. Simple, right? Self explanatory, right? No need for explanations, right? Wrong!

My daughter asked "NeNe (that's what they call her mother in law) exactly what is cornbread dressing made out of?"

I said "oh no Brandi, please tell me you are joking? How could you possibly not know that or even realize that?"

It's something you just don't think about doing, is sitting your child down and saying "Brandi, my darling, there is something mom needs to tell you, Cornbread Dressing is made out of cornbread."

I have failed as a mother. I admit it.

Here is a pic of that lovely face and smile that occurs when she's overwhelmed with newfound knowledge. That sparkle she gets when she once again realizes she is sometimes mentally challenged.

 

Men o Pause

I think this about sums it up.....no more needs to be said.

My Lost Undies Part 2 3/4

I have been asked if that previous post was a pic of me.  Yeah, it is, about 10 pounds and 30 years ago.

No!  That pic can be found on any Hanes Her Way advertisment.  If you want to see a pic of me in my Hanes Her Way, you will have to pay a hell of a lot more than you pay for AOL per month. 

It will cost you marriage, divorce, alimony and many hardaches. 

Thank God for Panty ads, eh?

My Lost Undies

I never did relate this Hurricane story to J-Land because I truly thought it was a weird occurrence. After Hurricane Rita passed, not only did it leave me without much privacy, but it left me without any underwear. In my dresser, I had many pairs of Hanes Her Way white cotton no nonsense very unsexy panties. Some panties, that no one in their right mind would want to steal. Once I reclaimed my privacy, I assumed the vortex of the hurricane had made away with my white no nonsense undies. They were no where to be found. I looked high and low for these babes only to have to give up the search. Even St. Anthony or St. Joseph wasn't helping me in the lost and found department. I'm sure, in buying new ones, I should have been adventurous and bought some that weren't so no nonsense, but it's difficult to teach an old dog new tricks.

This past weekend, I spent some time at my parents home for the holidays, and my Dad, being the nut case that he is, informs me that he has just unpacked his suitcases from his adventure at my home. He's laughingly relating to me that as he unpacks, he notices he has a suitcase full of woman's panties. I'm sure glad my mom didn't unpack for him because I'm sure that would have caused some problems in her mind.

So months later, I now have enough no nonsense panties to last a lifetime. And it was priceless seeing him walk down the hall with a arm full of women's panties.

My date

There probably has only been very few occasions in my life that I have met someone that I've hit it off with right away.

Sometimes you meet someone and you like the way that they look and you are physically attracted to them, there is chemistry, and they have many great qualities, but they may have so many other areas that you are not compatible with them. Those are the ones you marry and you love, but no matter how much you try, it just doesn't work out because some vital part is missing.

Or you may meet someone that you like everything that they are about, but you just don't have that chemistry that makes you click. Those are the ones that you become very good friends with. My friend Bill is a prime example of that happening and you remain great friends through thick and thin.

There are those that you meet again that are childhood loves. The ones you love dearly because you share a history together, and a very close common bond, but you quickly realize that no matter how hard you try, or how much you love them, you can't go back. Too many bridges crossed and obligations have entered your life to enable you to become what you wished you could have been with them.

Sometimes, you look at life and ask yourself, what am I looking for? What do I want and what would make me complete? As long as I can remember, I have been Catholic. I've been taught and believed there is a right way to do things and a wrong way. The Catholic church teaches and I firmly believe that sex before marriage is not right. I believe making love should be sacred and between two people who love each other and not just for the physical need of it. I believe marriage is a sacrament and I believe in the annulment process which I am going through right now. (For those who know I've been married 3 times, according to the church only #1 has to be annulled. The others are not recognized in the church as a sacrament. Also, I'm not annulling the marriage, I'm annulling the sacrament. The marriage was valid by law)

It has always been my dream to find someone and marry once again in the Catholic church. Some of you out there may ridicule my medieval ways and I respect your thoughts, but I'm not here to please you, but myself and what I believe is right. I've often erred in my ways by trying to conform to other people's beliefs and my own fleshy ways. I believe that's where most of my sadness has manifested itself in not doing what my heart truly believes. I would always give in to the flesh.

In searching for a lifetime partner, I believe your common morals and values should be similar. And if they are not, you should at least respect the other for their beliefs and help them along their personal journey. Not just lip talk but in action as well. I have come across many men who have talked the talk but when it came time to walk the walk, well lets just say they fell short and so have I.

Enter another kind of guy, one who believes what you believe, and you are physically, mentally and spiritually attracted to him. He wants all the same things you want. He's not scared to tell you all of his faults and imperfections. He lays them out on the table for you just in case you may not be able to deal with them. He is not scared to share his faith and he's not afraid to say, when and if he ever marries again, it will be the right way (according to our beliefs which doesn't mean yours isn't right). In the Catholic church and if he has his way the relationship will not be consummated until the wedding night. He's also intelligent enough to realize that having met me, it's going to be damned difficult to uphold those morals and values, but if he has someone as strong willed about it as he is, and God is firmly planted between us, then I think it's very possible should things happen to head in that direction for us.

Okay, we just met yesterday, and I damned sure didn't expect to click with someone 7 years younger than me. I was just out to have a good time and he was handsome, ex-marine, fine as wine and I didn't even think he'd look at me twice. Of course none of that mattered, what mattered most, was his religious views. That's what made him most attractive to me and the fact that he had clean fingernails... (now you guys know I couldn't go through an entire entry without saying something off key)

It's definitely too damned soon to predict anything, but God is orchestrating my life and he's done a damned good job of it so far, I will let him continue doing his magic.

Today

Today could very well be a day I will consider very special in the future.  It's too soon to talk about now,  but one day I will share, if indeed, it does turn out to be special.  Just couldn't let the day go by without acknowledging a happy happening in my life.

Not saying that word, yet.

I've gotten over the fact that I was TOS'd for talking shit. Where's the fecal humor?

It baffles me that AOL would view that entry as violating Terms of Service. Come on now! I can go to any journal and TOS a person? Does AOL even look at the circumstances or do they just TOS you if someone feels offended? Shouldn't this be given a trial and jury to determine if it is indeed a violation? There is much out there that offends me but, if it does, I stay away from that place.

Where's that thing called Freedom of Speech? No one makes me read anything I don't choose to read. I have free will.

I will admit it may have been in poor taste but I wasn't bad mouthing anyone and I clearly stated at the very beginning, that if it offended, please do not read it. I guess my use of any means to get a laugh must be examined. It's okay to talk about graphic sex but shit is off limits? I think we live in a world that's a bit off kilter where values are concerned.

What happens when you don't ignore the bad behaviors, you end up feeding them and that's basically what happened here. It prompted another entry about feces.

Well, I'm over myself now. It's Thanksgiving night and I ate enough to generate that matter that got me TOS'd.

TOS'd

Someone TOS'd me!  I'm an angel, how can that be?

Happy Thanksgiving

Mood:  Thankful

 

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! 

I pray that you all have many things to be thankful for.  May you all be blessed with an abundance of love and happiness!

Whole lotta Chit

Mood:  Creative Shit: I have no shame!

 

If any of you are offended by shit, I would not read this entry. I would not want to offend thee in any way, shape or form. I just feel the need to talk some shit and Im afraid this is the place that's going to get it. I feel a TOS coming on but I've been a good lil shit since I started this journal and I'm feeling a little constipated. And if any of you big shits want to TOS me, go right ahead! Who gives a shit?

Every day on my way home from work, I literally pass up some good shit. Yes, my dear friends, I have the privilege of passing what, I assume, is an up and coming sewer plant. It is a huge monstrosity of an operation, but I would guess that's because Lafayette has a lot of shit. This place is in the middle of a busy section of town and it stinks the high heavens. Im hoping whatever they are constructing is a smell-proof wall around the shit. They need to process the shit and quick.

I have never claimed that my shit don't stink, but damn! Lafayette you are rotten! We are talking MEGA bean burritos on a sweltering hot summer day! The only good thing about this place is...if you feel one coming on...it's good place to be, since no one would even know it was you. Pass the beans darlin'! I shit you not, there is a Mexican Restaurant right next to it. How ironic is that?

Everyday as I pass by, I am so very thankful that I do not work anywhere near the shit. I've had enough shit in my life that, I damn sure don't need to be working next to it.

If I were a lady, I'm sure I'd have said fecal material instead of the "S" word but sometimes you have to call a shit a shit. And let me tell you "that's some shit!"

                        

Elmo's World

Mood: Adventurous

AOL doesn't have enough moods for my liking.  Where's the mood "creative"?  Is that a mood?Shouldn't that be one of the important ones?

Today I spent two hours of my day with Sesame Street Live.  They say that these shows are for children but the parents and grandparents enjoy them just as much.  And the parents need to bring the grandparents to help afford all the goodies they offer.  Can  you imagine an $8 hellium Elmo balloon?  They sell these wonderfully huge blow up deals at intermission and then inform you that you have to get them out of the view of everyone when the show begins again.  Now you have ten zillion kids crying for their Elmo balloons.  Oh the price we have to pay for Elmo!

I captured my grandson with the background of the show.  And wouldn't you know that Sesame Street has to try to compete with Barney?  They have a green dinosaur that dances and sings as cornily as the purple dude.  Here he is!

 

and the entire cast and crew:

 

Gosh, aren't you all glad I shared this with you?  Life is complete now.

All my Children

 

My daughter is a Soap Opera addict and she is turning my grandson into one also.  In his little world, it's All My Children Versus Barney. 

I can see his little mind now.  Barney will be having an affair with Baby Bop before too long.  They are going to use her little blankie to cover it up.  Is Baby Bop a dinosaur too?  What the hell is she besides annoying?

The other day I called (well I call everyday...I have to have my Matthew dose once a day) and I asked what he was doing.  I couldn't understand what he was saying so I told him to put his mom on the phone.  She told me that he said he was watching "All My Children".  So she put's him back on the phone and

I ask,  "My little Angel, (that's what I call him) you are watching All My Children?"

He says,  "No! No! No! Nammy I'm watching "All Mama's Children".

Grandkids are such a delight.  I've often told my daughter that there is no way in hell I ever loved her as much as I love her son.  She laughs and accepts that.  It's not like she loves me more than him and I accept that. 

***********

On a totally different note, I know it's Friday night, and I should be out, doing something fun and inspirational, but I am a grandmother and I need my rest. 

Sunday I will be partaking in a little fun.  Brandi and I are bringing Matthew to see Elmo's Coloring Book live at the performing arts (because the CajunDome still has refugees). 

I'm sure Elmo will be having an affair with Bert or Ernie in Matthew's little mind.

Good Reason

"I hope you are not offended if i say that your journal is just another reason amongst many that i am glad i never married."

I received this email after someone had read my journal. I was not at all offended with the email and I understood perfectly where she was coming from.

After all, three marriages, doesn't speak highly for me, but I wonder had I gone to her journal and stated the total opposite "After reading your journal, I'm sure glad I married 3 times." I think she may possibly have come back with something similar to what I am about to say but just a different scenario.  We all have our purposes in life and this was one of mine.

It started me thinking about my life and I shudder at the thought of never having married. I cry at the idea that I would have never gazed into these eyes. This is the reason I married and this is the reason I will never ever in my entire life regret it. This moment in my life was the day I realized what it meant to be a woman and everything before and after means very little compared to this.

This was the first time I held my grandson in the delivery room and he opened his eyes and looked at me.  He had me hook, line and sinker at this very moment.

My Daughter

Brandi,  I must say you got your wish and you perfected it!

My daughter knows I love her and I'm just teasing her on this!  She is the one who sent this to me in an email yesterday.

My dream

I had a dream last night and I woke up laughing my ass off. Talk about intelligent stuff going on in my dreams.

I dreamed that my brother kept stealing my queen size bed and leaving me with a twin size bed. I would keep going back to get my bed from him and when I'd return the next day it was gone again. In my dream, I asked him, why the hell do you keep taking my bed? He replied that I didnt need a bed that big since there was no one utilizing it but me. I kept arguing with him that I liked my bed regardless of how many were utilizing it.

What the hell do you think that dream means? Am I getting obsessed with someone sharing my bed? Am I having a tug a war in my brain about sharing my bed with someone? Or is it my Catholic guilt telling me to get rid of the bigger bed so I wont share it with anyone? Ooh that could save a lot of confession time in the future.

Dont you just hate dreams like that? You know its a dream that your subconscious is telling you to pay attention to. I dont have the inclination or the want to analyze it right now but maybe when my bed is being utilized to its full potential, I will look back on this dream, and beg my brother to take my bed and give me the twin bed back.

I think I need therapy!

Plants

The radio just informed me that it will be getting extremely cold tonight and we should all bring in our pets and our plants. 

I'm thinking, for the first time in a kajillion years, I have not a one plant to my name and at one time I had about a kajillion and one.

You ask where did they go?  Guess? 

Am I upset?  Nah!  I can go home and light my fireplace without worrying about moving plants in.

 

 

One Last Tribute

Today is November 15th, two years ago, I was in Jamaica getting married for the third time. I shouldn't burden J-Land with a tribute of another failure of mine, but I feel a need to acknowledge this day. Please, humor me, one more time. It is part of my history and another piece of my puzzle. An unmade puzzle that is scattered in many pieces and I have yet to place them all in their rightful positions.

Yes, today would have been my second anniversary with my last husband and I did believe him to be my last. Scott is a wonderful man and I was fortunate to know him as well. (I know it's all sounding like a broken record but it's true) He is a very in depth thinking person. The very reason I was attracted to him was his ability to know himself within, and if he felt something within his heart, he knew why and could eloquently give the ten reasons why he was feeling it. He was so aware of his feelings and so able to relate to them and be honest about them. Sometimes that was not always a good thing for me because, my walls came up and I became distant and unable to relate my inner workings, and he wanted so very much for me to be able to list the reasons why I cared for him, as eloquently as he could relate, why he cared for me. Even to this day, I can't put to paper any concrete reasons why I loved him. I just did and it was simple for me but some need and want so much more.

We enjoyed doing many things together but most of all doing nothing is what we did best together. Watching the acorns fall, sitting on the patio barbequing, listening to him bitch because the squirrels were eating the plants and lying in bed listening to him get dressed in the morning are some of my best memories. Simple things. We both had a love for planting and watching nature grow. Springtime, roses, boating and fishing. Wintertime, playing cards, snuggling, and football.

Scott is a loving father to his three children. I truly admired that about him. He shares custody and has them 7 and 7. They are priority in his life which is the way it should always be when you have young children. His children are all extremely gifted and brilliant which is a testament to his own intelligence. I remember one time the two oldest arguing about what chemical in the blood attracted mosquitos. ( We were hiking along a stream and I didn't care why they were attracted to me, I knew they stung and we had forgot the OFF!) They were always debating amongst themselves. Boggles the mind what those youngsters discussed sometimes. I was completely awestruck by their inquisiveness.

We laughed a lot with them and one such time I will relate to you because it was priceless:

Scott and I was in our bedroom which adjoined the living room and I could hear the boys arguing while playing a video game. John, the youngest (10 at the time, oh, what a cat that boy is!) was a wiz when it came to games. The conversation went like this:

Taylor, "What button do I press to make it.....?" (can't recall exactly what he wanted it to do)

John, "Why?" (At least that's what we heard)

Taylor, "Because I want to know which button to press."

John, "Why?"

Taylor getting upset, "Just tell me which button!"

John (laughing), "Why?"

Taylor, (completely and totally frustrated) hollers "John! Because I want to know how to do it! Just tell me!"

At this point I'm getting frustrated too because it's getting loud and it's gone on long enough.

John, (still laughing) "Taylor press 'Y' on the controller."

I nearly lost it with laughter! It was a classic!

Some of you may ask, why did it end? Going into all the negatives on both sides will not change the circumstances nor the outcome of the marriage. I will say that I am not capable of the love required to sustain a marriage or a relationship. There comes a time when you have to forget the bad and smile at the good. I didn't want the divorce, but given the circumstances, I accepted it as being in the best interest of both of us.

I want to say to everyone out there reading this,just because someone doesn't love you the way you expect them to, doesn't mean they don't love you as much as they are capable or as much as they've ever loved. They may have limited resources in their heart to allow them to love as fully as you want or expect. They may have a darkness in their soul that needs understanding and patience. Look for the small inconsequential things that they may be doing to show their love for you. It's amazing what you will see if you only open your eyes. It may just be a glance or a small touch. What seems so easy for you may be extremely difficult for them. They may need someone to work with them and help teach them how to love completely. Don't push someone you love to be something they are not. If you love them accept them as they are at that moment. If you have faith and enough love and patience to wait they will finally trust you enough to love you as much as you deserve to be loved. And most of all, if you are incapable of the patience it requires, do not berate yourself, forgive yourself because, we are but mere mortals, living out a destiny, to the best of our ability, that which God has planned for us.

 

This was another path crossed in my journey of life, another bench I rested upon for a small while. Like every other journey in my life, I have come away with a better understanding of my character. I can see more clearly now what drives Sharlene to act and react to life's endless roads. I am a far better person for having crossed his path on my journey. I have so much more direction and now I'm less ashamed of the roads I have traveled. I have learned to accept the many crossroads in my life and I respect myself for doing what needs to be done for my soul. It doesn't lessen the hurt nor make it go away but it eases a little of the pain and failure knowing it wasn't for naught. It was a scenic but sometime bumpy route but one I do not regret travelling.

It's time to count my blessings, I have to thank you, Scott, for providing the way for me to see more of who I am and thank you God for putting Scott in my path to enable me see all the things you needed me to see. And I do honestly with all my soul wish him love, happiness, and whatever his heart desires in this life and the next. We all deserve the best no matter who we are or what we have done. Forgiveness is the key to eternal happiness and I plan on having it! Forgetting is the hardest part but God doesn't ask us to forget only to forgive.

And finally, a memory about Scott and I, that will always put a smile on my face and heart, and the memory goes like this:

We were driving down Bertrand Blvd in Lafayette on our first date and I was putting upon my lips some Vaseline Lip Therapy because my lips were slightly dry. I asked him if he wanted a little therapy for his lips and he said yes. That little imp within me got loose again and I reached over and used my vaselined lips on his. It was our first kiss and the most spontaneous kiss I've ever given. I remember him being surprised and I was shocked at myself as well. I had been wanting to kiss him all night and I knew he did too, and it's a good thing the light turned red, because the kiss lasted longer than it should have taken for me to theraputilize his lips.

I intended this entry to be positive and I hope it came across as positive along with a little of life's reality mixed in. No amount of writing would ever explain my heart in this matter so I'm going to put this to rest now. I've rambled on long enough. We have to close one door before another can be opened and I'm ready to cautiously peek on the other side.

Here's a pic and an earlier entry that I wrote about us. A pierced heart

... and finally (sigh of relief from J-Land) this concludes my remembrance of November. Now I'm ready to get on with my usual shallow and shellfish self.

I do believe this entry lasted longer than any relationship I've ever had. I thank everyone who endured it through to the end. May God Bless You all with wealth of spirit and health of heart and beaucoupe' love! I can feel the love out there! Hey you! I felt just a little too much love from you! Get your hands off my butt!

 

Smile on through the rain
Laugh all through the pain
Flow through to changes
Till the sun comes out again

Keep on Smilin'

God loves you!

 

The Saint of theday's blessing:

 

An egg given during life for love of God is more profitable for eternity than a cathedral full of gold given after death.

- St. Albert the Great (1206-1280)

My grandmother

I really am so in love with myself, and 've spent too much time in front of my mirror telling myself how wonderful I am that I decided today to get out and spread the love.

I took myself off to the nursing home to see one of the special people in my life. My 93 year old grandmother. She is one wild character and I proudly accept the fact that I most favor her in temperament and personality. Everything you see and read in this journal is indirectly her fault.

God we laughed and cried so much today. We talked about Holly Beach, Louisiana, she is the grandmother that we would vacation there every summer with, and we cried about the loss of it from Hurricane Rita.

She always would talk about going back and I said I would take her whenever she was ready. She would joke with me about finding a boyfriend there and her stealing him from me.

She is such a wise woman and she said through the tears that at least we have our memories. We held hands and prayed together. She is the person I get my strongest moral beliefs from. I feel such strong ties toward her because we are so much alike. I was not always a favorite grandchild of hers but I think she saw a lot of herself in me, which caused her much dismay. As I've matured, she has seen a different side of me. And I am so proud to call her grandmother.

We both love music and love to dance. They had a band at the nursing home yesterday. I wish I would have known. I would have danced with her. The last time we did that we had such a great time.

She said to me that she hopes when she gets older (like 93 't old and she also has a sister who will be 100 in April) that she doesn't want to be silly. I told her 's already silly. She's always been silly. Her sense of humor is so loved by everyone. She is so lively, and a trip to see her was just what the doctor ordered for me. She has a way of helping me count my blessings in life.

Naturally, I have to tell you about a conversation we had about a year ago. She felt that I was old enough at 46 for her to tell me certain things. She told me one time my grandfather went to his aunt's house and discovered them "doing it" standing up in the kitchen. She is giggling while she is telling me and thinks she is going to shock my senses with this information. She then informs me that she has never "did it" standing up.

She proceeds to ask me, "Sharlene, have you ever "did it" standing up?"

I said choking back the laughter, "Grandma, at 92, I think you are old enough for me to tell you, that, yes I have."

In French she says "Oh Mon Dieu!" (Which means Oh My God)

And me, being the imp that I am, looks down at her in her wheelchair and asks, "Have you ever "done it" in a wheelchair?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Arguing Within Part II

Inner Self,   "Did you get  the shaving cream?"

Sam,  "You bet your ass I did!"

Inner Self,  "What the hell are we waiting for, let's go shave!"

 

Arguing Within

I love alone...I mean live alone and if I want anyone to talk to I have to do all the talking to myself. Sometimes it gets to be very boring but there are times I have lively conversations with myself. It’s a continuous dialogue between Sam and my inner self. One such exchange just took place while I was showering and I realized I forgot to buy shaving cream today while on my weekly dreaded trip to Wally World. The conversation went like this:

Sam to her inner self, "Piss, Shit and Corruption I forgot to buy shaving cream!"

Inner self, "Oh crap! That means razor burns"

Sam, "Quit complaining. You know you should have made a list!"

Inner self, "Oh shut up Sam! I could give a rat’s ass what you think!"

Sam, "I’ll just make a quick run into Walmart tomorrow and get it so don’t worry."

Inner self, "You're a lying sack of shit, you know you avoid Walmart like the plague and you’ll do without until your next weekly trip."

Sam ,"Quit arguing with me...I know exactly what I’m going to do and I don’t need you telling me otherwise."

 

It’s tough being me. My Inner self has a potty mouth that I have to put up with but I have a bit more class.

 

The Body

This morning as I was taking my previous entry's advice,  I was contemplating the Good Book and how the Good Lord says your body is the Temple of God. 

As I was reflecting upon this passage,  I suddenly realized that this temple could use a few devout worshippers.

Love

STOP!  Whatever you are doing right now.  Go find the nearest mirror and look yourself in the eyes and say "_______, I love you!"

We try  not to forget to tell the people who are near and dear to us that we love them BUT we forget to tell the nearest person to ourself the same endearments.  Every morning look at yourself and be sure to express your love for yourself!  You will be surprised at how good it makes you feel about yourself.

                                                                                

Another Tribute

Today is the 50th birthday of my grandson’s grandfather and my daughter’s father. I think that would make him my first husband. I honestly think I picked the best man for my daughter and grandson. They should thank me profusely every day!

A little tribute to him today to mark half of century on earth:

I have been very fortunate in knowing some very good people in my life and he is one of them. He is one of the funniest guys I know. He could always make me laugh even when I was in the most rotten of moods. All he had to do is speak in this high pitched voice and pull his pants up into a wedgie and walk all hump back. Sort of like Pee Wee Herman but this was way before Pee Wee came along. I could never keep a straight face when he did that and he used it against me every time I was angry or in a bad mood.

I met him in Forked Island Louisiana which no longer exists as it did back then. Hurricane Rita destroyed that place too. Rita destroyed a lot of the childhood places I would visit but it didn’t destroy my memories.

He was the drummer in a band that my cousin and I would go listen to. The first time I went to listen to him play he was singing a ZZ Top song (LaGrange) and when I walked in his drumsticks literally flew everywhere. I didn’t think anything of it, I just thought he was a bad drummer, but later he told me that I stunned him the first time he saw me. I was a pretty little thing back then and he was very handsome and we were instantly infatuated. It was the summer of 1974.

He proposed to me in August of 74 as a joke and I took him seriously and said yes. When I said yes he was shocked because he didn’t think I’d agree to marriage. The rest is history.

He and I were kids when we got married May 31, 1975. I was a virginal sixteen year old and he was an impatient nineteen year old. He literally worshipped the ground I walked on. I had no clue what love was at that young age. The marriage lasted 15 years and he put up with a lot of crap from me in all those years. I was such a bitch to live with since marriage was the last place I wanted to be. He was a very loving person and I killed his spirit because I was an unhappy person. We became friends and I began to view him as more as a brother than a husband since we sort of grew up together.

He was and is to this day a very undemanding person who never puts up a fuss about anything. He takes life as it comes and is very fun loving. My daughter has his personality and I’m thankful for that. And I’m thankful for the time I spent married to him. Him and his family taught me a lot about life and he helped me become the person I am today. I have absolutely no regrets other than I wish the hurt and pain of marriage and separation could have been avoided.

A funny story about Brent. I would have my best friend visit for the weekends (we were both 17) when he played gigs because I didn’t like to stay alone at night (we lived way in the country). I was still in high school and our place was the place to visit. No authority! Brent’s father had built us a brand new home which was also completely destroyed in Hurricane Rita. We were always playing practical jokes on each other. One night Brent went to the shower and as a joke I removed his clothing from the bathroom. My girlfriend and I waited for him to holler at me to bring his clothes back to him. Well the joke was on us because he walked into the living room stark raving naked in all his glory. My friend who had never seen a live nude man in her life damned near pissed all over herself. We learned our lesson that night.

Throughout our years, along with his wife and her family, we have remained friends and amicable towards each other and we share two things that are very special to all of us...a daughter and a grandson.

Here we are in all of our innocence:

Awards VS LSU

Congratulations to all the VIVA Award Winners. To the nominees as well, you are all winners for having been recognized for such great talent. I am sorry I could not attend but in searching my closet I could not find anything appropriate to wear to the event.

Instead, I donned my purple and gold (actually purple and black) and headed to the Capital of Louisiana to see the beloved LSU Tigers. I stood for a moment of silence in reverence of my awe at finally being in Tiger Stadium. We had awesome seats in a small boxed in area that seated 9 people. The colors in the stadium were so vibrant and alive. Television does not do these live sporting events justice. You can feel the excitement and sizzle in the air. For the National Anthem the rockets did indeed burst in the air and I damn near came unglued since I wasn’t expecting it. Mike the Tiger was on hand for a few growls before being returned to his several million dollar habitat. That cat lives better than I! LSU won and we all left to make the long trek back to our vehicle. We had parking passes so the walk wasn’t as long as most but remind me not to wear high heeled boots next time.

I’m afraid I did not get any tailgating done. My daughter was late and we barely made it for kickoff. I’m thankful because today I don’t have a hangover to contend with or any embarrassing tailgating tales to tell.

As you can see we had great tickets and I was able to capture the first touchdown by LSU:

Once again, congrats to all the winners and nominees and next year I think we need a new category

"The Most Shallow and Superficial Journal"

...maybe I will have a chance next year :)~

Muscians

Recently I went out to listen to a live band. I love music. It is in my soul and I love to dance as well and I dance well and I'm a well dancer...Oh dear don't get carried away Sam! Some people play instruments and make beautiful music.... I don't know what gets into me but when something moves my soul I lose myself in dance. I dance like no one’s watching. Anyway that is my expression of music since I can’t play an instrument or can’t carry a tune in a bucket. My buckets got a hole in it!

I have had the privilege of knowing many muscians in my life. Very talented muscians. One has even been on the Grand Old Opry. This entry is for him as a way of saying Happy Birthday. He is 51 today. He is a true muscian and my first true love.

I found myself in a smokey concert hall with a large crowd of people. I’m standing there listening to this awesome band belting out one great tune after another almost oblivious to everything around me. Lost in the music. Almost.

All of a sudden I catch from the corner of my eye movement to the right of me where a gentleman is standing. I try to avoid looking at what I hope is not happening. The DISEASE. I just figure if I ignore it maybe it will go away like a bad dream but as hard as I try I can still see the movements. They are becoming convulsive, jerky and spastic. I force myself to look. Oh Lord his left hand is up towards the heavens like he’s beckoning angels and his right hand is close to his stomach making motions like he's furiously obsessed with getting something off of his shirt.

I shake my head and look away but in total dismay I see to my immediate left his twin. Same DISEASE going down but different spasms. His arms are flailing about in front of him like he's fighting beasts that apparently only he can envision. His hands are performing an exorcism of some evil force like none you and I have ever seen before. His face is to the side bobbing up and down contorted in what appears to be painful agony .

Hank don't fail me now! Deliver me from this evil!

At this point I know I have entered into a possessed atmosphere because before me is yet another convulsed manic individual. This person’s neck muscles are strained to the breaking point. Veins popping out and I just know at any moment blood will spring forth from his protruding jugular. His right hand is in the air holding this imaginary object, he’s bending at the waist with his mouth wide open as he brings this imaginary object near his mouth spewing forth red faced silence.

My eyes widen as I back away from this total madness. I am no longer being entertained by real musicians but by a concert hall full of air guitarist, drummers and singers. I know the band members are on stage looking down upon this melee' wondering why the hell they even bothered showing up when before them is chockablock full of wannabees the likes of which no one has ever seen.

Okay guys...admit it...you have all done that at one time or another? If you haven’t done it in public I know you’ve stood in front of your bathroom mirror and performed live parodies. Convulsing and making those God awful faces that only a mother could love. Be a man and comment with a YES I am guilty as charged! Any woman who can admit they've done it...shame on you!

Everything is perfectly normal until you enter into a live concert and then the DISEASE becomes contagious. God help us in the South when the band strikes up "Sweet Home Alabama". Maybe it's a Southern thing. Move over Bo Bice!

I have my own variation of this DISEASE but mine is called dancing and it doesn’t look quite as mentally challenged.

Nadda Zilch Nothing Part 2 1/3

In my last entry I did not mean to imply that people talking about trials and tribulations in their journals is a bad thing. I was merely stating in my limited vocabulary that so many of your journals contribute so much and mine doesn’t appear to have any depth to it nor does it teach much.

When I read other journals I realize how intelligent this little community is and by no means did I want to slight anyone. Forgive me if I did!

I was excusing myself to you by letting you know that somewhere in this little brain of mine is depth or at least I’m hoping there is. :) I lead such a boring life and I feel that if I start whining about it I may get carried away and never stop.

And if I make one person smile...I have accomplished what I set out to do in my journal.

Thank you for reading me and my words. And hopefully you all will see that there is more to me than meets the words.

Nadda Zilch Nothing

I know you guys think I’m nothing but fluff but believe it or not I do have some depth to my character.  About two inches deep but depth never the less (I can’t be serious to save my soul!)

 

My journal entries in AOL consist mostly of light humor since I have enough darkness in my life without preying upon you good people with all my mental trials and tribulations.

 

AOL is kind of like a toilet for me.   It relieves me and it is therapy for me to laugh in the face of life’s disappointments.  I know I need better bladder control but that’s what you get when you become my age.  A lot of my entries are pissing in the wind.

 

The way you choose to deal with disappointments determines how well you get along in life.  I choose humor and it works for me.

 

 I could sit here and list all of my disappointments and failures but instead I have my bedside journal entitled “Expressions of  Neurotic Women”(women because I am plural...I have many different facets to me) that help me cope with these emotions I call life.  OOH  wouldn’t you like to read some of those entries.  I may one day share a few with you but until then it is all locked within my heart.

 

There is also that ongoing journal that I keep between me and the Good Lord.  I make mental entries to him all day long.  I know he’s sick of hearing from me but hey God when you really get sick of it you’ll rain down upon me joy joy joy. (HE really is good)

 

 I love myself, who I am and life and have plenty of blessings to be thankful for.  I just happen to think I could use a little more of it.  I’m greedy!

 

I truly feel had I not been granted all these trials and tribulations I would be that fluff I spoke of in my first sentence.  Believe me I don’t dwell on any of it…well maybe when I go to bed at night I think a little more about it than during the day since I am writing all that craziness in my bedside journal.

 

Now you can all be thankful for that private journal I keep.  Of course you really would never HAVE to deal with me since you could shut off the alerts to my journal when I get too neurotic and then check back every now and then to see if I caught my head yet or if I’ve gone completely off the deep end.

 

Isn’t that lovely?  To be able to just shut someone off completely…no guilt or remorse.  They’d never know.  Why can’t life be that simple, eh?

 

You’d  better be nice to me…I’m gonna shut yer asses off

John's 84th Weekend "Ass"ignment

Weekend Assignment #84: What's Happening Here?

I thought we'd try something a little different for this week's Weekend Assignment, something to stretch those creative muscles in your brain:

Weekend Assignment #84: Take a look at the picture below. Tell us what you think is going on in the picture. You can write as long as you want, or as short as you like -- even a photo caption works. Now, it's a fairly weird picture, but I thought that would just give you more to work with. Ready? Here you go:

 

 

This is one hellava wedgie John!

Weekend Assignment #84: What's Happening Here?

The Tigers

I don't know if I ever mentioned this but the man I work for and who owns the company was the 1968 Peach Bowl MVP. He was the quarterback for LSU.  

This may not mean a whole hell of a lot for most of you BUT it represents to me FREE tickets this weekend to see the LSU Tigers in Tiger Stadium.  In all of my years I have never been and I am looking forward to it like nothing I have looked forward to in a while.

I plan on putting new meaning to the word tailgating.  I may not remember the meaning but I'm sure someone there will tell me if I happen not to be coherent enough to remember on my own.

Green Apples

I am eating a green apple and my lips are all puckered up and no one to take advantage of this momentous occasion.

A Tribute

Today is the 6th anniversary of the death of my second husband.  Probably one of the most devastating times of my life.  He was killed in an accident on All Saints Day. 

It’s very ironic that he should die on this day since most would not have considered him saintly in the least.  He was the type of person you either loved or hated.  I was one of those that could barely tolerate him upon meeting him but circumstances threw us together and I guess his total opposite nature eventually attracted me to him.

We worked together for a period of time.  He was always trying to romance me but I would have nothing to do with him. It was almost comical. He was a Romeo and a big time player and plus at the time I was dating someone else.

I eventually became engaged to that someone else and moved to San Antonio.  Of course that  relationship did not work out (surprise! surprise!  LOL) I then moved back to Louisiana and while visiting my ex co-workers I met up with him again.

Upon learning I was no longer engaged he was on a mission because everyone at the place we worked said there was no way he would ever “get” me. How stupid of a challenge to throw at him. He never could walk away from a challenge.  Well he used every bit of his charm and we had a whirlwind romance that ended in marriage within two months of our dating on June 20 1992 and then divorced less than 3 years later.

My daughter and him had a love/hate relationship for the three years but upon our divorce she got to know without all the friction that comes with having to live with someone.   Everyone eventually got to know Mark the way that I did and they all came to love him dearly even my family who loathed him so much at first.  He was the type of person who tried diligently to make people love him and accept him. 

He was adopted as a baby and the mother who adopted him went on to marry 5 times. He was adopted twice by two of her husbands.  He never had what most of us call a true father. Him and I did track down two of his biological sisters and he had a short relationship with them before dying.  We also  found out he had 2 brothers.  All the same mother and she put all five up for adoption.

His life was never stable but  I always understood him and loved him regardless of his shenanigans and let me tell you he had plenty of those! I had a very calming effect on him and I tried so hard to give him what he needed but he was such a free spirit and couldn’t be tamed no matter how much he wanted it for himself.  I truly hurt for him and the day he died something also died within me.  I lost a lot that day.  Even though we were no longer married we had a very strong bond and love for each other. 

We loved to do a lot of the same things.  We both were very competative and challenged each other in games of pool, bowling, board and card games.  We had fun together.

His fiancé at the time of his death had his briefcase which contained every card, letter and picture of us.  He  even had a piece of a Xmas tree with a ribbon wrapped around it that I had sent to him one year when he was offshore.  He had a poem Brandi (my daughter had written to him about their difficult times and her love for him)  The one thing he never lost was a crucifix that he carried in his briefcase and it was given to his son at his grave site.

His fiancé wanted me to come and retrieve the briefcase knowing that he would want me to have it but I never could bring myself to get it.  It took me months before I could even look at a picture of him.  I just couldn’t believe he was gone and I would never see him again.

My biggest regret in life was telling him one year prior to his death that we needed to stop being friends so that we could move on with our lives and I never again saw or heard from him.  His fiancé told me two months prior to his death he talked to her about calling Brandi and I.  He never did...

And you know...he just may be a Saint..who am I to judge? 

There are times I still feel him very close to me. I miss him and his craziness.  I truly believe he watches over me...Not doing a very good job but watching nevertheless!

Here’s to you Mark Charles Harland Stetler Merchant and  to your birth name Kevin John Marion.  I will never forget...