Sleep Finally

Finally today I carried my assets to the doctor.  We have this local doctor that you go in there and tell him what's wrong and what you think you need and bam!  he prescribes it to you. I got Xanax so that will take care of the random drug screen of the other day...now I have a prescription.   I'm sure I have some underlying reasons why I am not sleeping but the only thing I cared about today was getting something to make me sleep then I will deal with the reasons when I am rested enough.  Needless to say after not sleeping again last night I was not prepared to go to work today so I made the dreaded appointment with the doctor.  My appointment was at 9 am and by 10 am I was in LaLa Land sleeping.  I didn't wake up until 5 pm.  I am showered now and feeling refreshed but in need of more sleep.  8 hours will not take care of the last 5 days of not sleeping.  I took another half Xanax and I'm feeling the effects so I will leave you all with heartfelt Goodnight and sweet dreams!

By the way....the news reports of the devastation from Katrina is heartwrenching.  I just don't know how long it will take to recover from all of this.  My daughter and husband along with my lil man are still here and have no clue when they will be able to get back.  The company that my daughter works for will be meeting tomorrow  (not at the office because they can't even get there) to discuss the plans of how to continue with the business.  The guy from her office that she wanted to get me a date with decided to stay in New Orleans and ride it out but no one can get in touch with him.  They are all worried but of course getting anyone on cell phones is damned near impossible...luck of the draw...networks are failing, etc.  Not a good situation at all.  Loved ones in desparate need to hear from families are having a difficult time.

Along with loss of  life which is the most devastating..people have lost so much and there were so many poor people in New Orleans that used the streets and their God given talents to make a living on the streets.  That was so much the charm of New Orleans..the historic feeling you had walking through the city...all gone now for a very long time...I am so saddened by all of it.  A way of life gone for so many.  They are a strongpeople and I know they will rebuild and be stronger for it.  God Bless them all!

Last I heard St Louis Cathedral did not suffer too much damage...a beautiful church 287 years old...I've been to mass there a few times and it's absolutely gorgeous! A tree fell on a statue of Jesus but he only suffered minor damage...lost a thumb. Just got to smile cause HE lost so much more for our sins by dying on the croos...so a thumb seems minor.  That was before the levee collasped so I don't know if the French Quarter where the Cathedral is has suffered flooding...I'm sure it has but hopefully the church will withstand it all...

God Bless you guys and please pray for our beloved New Orleans...and all who have suffered loss.  Thank you.

Hurting

I'm getting drunk on wine.  I don't feel good...I'm running 100 degree temperature and I have what must be a very bad sinus infection.  Every bone in my body  hurts and I havent' slept since Thursday.  I wish I had someone to rub my head until I relax enough to fall alseep. I'm not a very good sick person... all I wanna do is cry.  Yep I need some cheese with my whine. WAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Katrina

I am not in the mood to get ready for a hurricane but I have to look on the plus side of it...I get to see my grandson again this weekend.  My daughter is headed this way since they live about 30 miles from New Orleans and that's where Katrina is expected to hit.  If it turns more westward we will then head to my parents house in Texas.   I stayed here for Lily 3 years ago and that was one scarey storm. Talk about pray a lot of rosaries and I KNOW it helped.  A not well known fact....when Hurricane Audrey hit back in 1957 a group of ladies decided to pray the rosary every day to ask God never to allow another destructive hurricane like that to hit our area again.  Well you may not know this but Hurricane Lily was expected to hit and was a Category 4 hurricane prior to slamming into my little town but for some unknown reason (the rosaries)  it weakened to a Category 2 just prior to hitting land...something that had NEVER happened before in the history of hurricanes.  It completely stupified the meteorologist.   The power of prayer!

 I hope it doesn't directly hit New Orleans because it will completely destroy that city! Pray New Orleans!

Going out

I got home today..took out my nice slinky black dress and stiletto heels.... was all prepared to go meet my friend Bill in Lake Charles at the casino before he took his final leave for Colorado.  I have been so damned ready to hit the town and have fun but then like an old maw-ma I decided I didn't want to drive to Lake Charles which is 45 minutes away.  The weather isn't too great and something tells me I'd best keep my rear home. It's been a long and emotional week and  I'm too much in the mood to get into trouble.   I told Bill that when he gets settled in Colorado to send me a plane ticket and we'll go out in the mountains.  By the way him and his new woman split up.  He's battin' a thousand!  Of course I have no room to talk but this time I've steered clear of men until my heart is healed. It's going on six months and I'm pretty damned proud of myself.  Usually I'd have already been deeply involved but I'm learning!  It doesn't hurt to be alone!  And it doesn't hurt to feel the pain without using someone to ease it.  I tried to tell that to Bill last night...just let the pain roll over you...feel it...it will not kill you.  It will ebb and flow...but until you feel it completely and come to terms with it...it will never go away...it will always be just below the surface.  He proceeded to tell me that women were stronger than men emotionally....now how long did it take him to figure that one out??  He's a damned architect..I thought they used both sides of the brain?  Here's a pic of him..the one I took for his Match.com ad.  LOL

He's a big bear of a man..6'5" and 240....some have said we look like siblings.  We have such a wonderful friendship and we are kindred spirits.  We used to email each other all day...it could start with a simple sentence and evolved into the funniest reading imagineable.  One time we went all day about shoes and the components of shoes...in relation to love. (Try to figure that one out!) Some men are "heels" and some women have "sole"...When  you are in love you can live on a shoestring...etc etc.  Sometimes he would start one verse of a poem and I'd do the next and all day long back and forth we'd converse in poem.   It was silly but fun. I'm going to miss him but with the internet we will be able to keep in touch.

Getting home drunk

I realized today that I could get very drunk on my way home from work.  I decided to count the bars between work and where I live  which is about 15 rural miles and 5 city miles. I'm amazed at the amount I counted and that does not include the bar/restaurant combinations.  (with the price of gas these days it's enough to make you wanna drink) I chose to count just the bars and/or drive thru places.  There were 4 drive thru daiqurie joints (how the hell do you spell that?)  Passing through the town of Maurice Louisiana  which is about a one square mile area there were  4 bars and one drive thru.  They also have two Catholic Churches...wonder why?  By the way I have to cross myself 3 times on the way home...you know us Catholics we have to make the sign of the cross when we pass a Catholic Church.   I also pass Luke's Mechanic Shop which incorporated into his sign he has "Pray the Rosary" . (I think that's so cool)   Well I'm just realizing with all the bars we need reminders like that to keep us safe driving.  Hell I have to pray the rosary on the way home just to stay out of all those bars I pass .  "...lead me not into temptation..."  Okay I regress..back to the count.  I counted a total of 20 which is basically one every mile and doesn't include Maurice...that one has a bar every 4th step.  I'm sure I missed a few hole in the walls but I think that's an enormous about of alcohol being advertised for consumption on my way home.  I'm proud to say I've only partaken in a few stops every great once in a while but only of the drive thru variety and they were all frozen virginal drinks...heeheehee....

Only one way out

 Today I visited again with my hospice patient.  She is not doing well at all.  She has declined tremendously since last Wednesday. I don't believe she will be with us much longer.   Her 3 daughters were there and I was able to meet them for the first time. I'm a very "to myself person" and to be involved in a program like this has really brought me out of myself.  To walk up to total strangers and lend an ear is so totally foreign to who I thought I was.  I talked with my mother today and she can't believe I'm actually doing this.  Goes to show you how much we don't know about ourselves and how even your mother can be surprised.  I am so petrified of death that doing this is helping me deal with my fears.  After all there's only one way out of this place...so I best get over the fear!

Beam me up Scottie!

 

Be kindhearted to the poor, the unfortunate and the afflicted. Give them as much help and consolation as you can. Thank God for all the benefits he has bestowed upon you, that you may be worthy to receive greater. Always side with the poor rather than with the rich, until you are certain of the truth.

- King Saint Louis IX (1214-1270)

Some Days Ya Gotta Dance

 

A Belgian nun's acrobatic and indecorous dancing with a missionary during the Catholic World Youth Day in Germany over the weekend earned her a reprimand from her mother superior.

I say Go Sista Johanne Vertommen...Mother Superior may have reprimanded you for the public eye but I bet she praised your enthusiam!  All I gotta say is:

Some days you gotta dance
Live it up when you get the chance
When the world doesn't make no sense
And you're feeling just a little too tense
Gotta loosen up those chains (habits) and dance

My cross

Apart from the cross there is no other ladder by which we may get to heaven.

- St. Rose of Lima (1586-1617)

 

Had to give up another friendship today because it was teetering on wrong.  It began very innocent but then it became a little more serious and some things need to end before you can have a beginning. Have to close one door before you can open another.  Words of Wisdom. Another cross to bear but I choose the path to heaven no matter how hard it is.  Funny how these blessing I get mailed to me daily always seem to pertain to or at least help me on my paths in life. God is Good!

Randomly Picked

Okay trivia question?  What do the bosses son, the personnel manager, the receptionist and I have in common?  The correct answer is:  we got picked for random drug screens today.  Hmmm...in my mind I'm thinking "okay did you do any illegal drugs lately"  and of course the answer is "yes!".  I've been taking my father's Xanax to sleep at night. 1/4 of one knocks me out.  Well I told them about it but I don't think that's going to do much good when the report comes in.  What will I say to the doctor "oh I always listen to my dad"  and he said "here take these they will make you sleep."  Of course I couldn't tell my dad no.  Don't think that's gonna fly.  Well I could have lied and said "Oh I just took one or two BUT oh no!  They took a stupid hair sample too (big ole chunk...I'm surprised I wasn't charged for a haircut)  which goes back 3 months.  Now I'm really thinking...gosh what other drugs did I take in the last 3 months to help me sleep.  My mom is a veritable drug store.  She's hooked on pain killers, nerve pills and God only knows what else.  So in the last three months I could well have partaken in some other illegal drug gotten from Marie's pharmacy without a prescription.  Maybe I can convince them my name is Marie?  Damn why didn't they name me Sharlene Marie instead of Sharlene Ann. 

Anyway my new job may be short lived but hey:  I ain't gonna worry about it...God has it all taken care of the way he sees fit...I'm not going to lose a night's sleep over it...I'll just take that other half xanax left over from Dad.  LOL

 

The Party's over

Well the birthday party is over.  I had 17 kids in my house with their parents.  Surprisingly I survived it.  The ages ranged from 3 months to 87 years old.  Yep, my grandmother never misses a birthday party.  If she has a ride she will be there!

Now the house is all quiet and I kind of hate it.  There was a time I really enjoyed being alone but now I think I'm leaning toward liking someone here.  This is the first time in my life I've ever been alone for this long.  I used to yearn for it but today when they were leaving I felt a sadness but then Brandi offered to move in again and I quickly realized what I was thinking.  LOL

Anyway the birthday boy was adoreable!  He is such a little man.  Last year for his birthday party he would open his gifts and throw them at me..this year he opened them and gave them to my dad but when it came to the money in the envelopes he brought that to me.  Smart boy! 

If I wouldn't be so lazy I think I would sell this house and move closer to them but when I look at all the junk I have in this place I change my mind.  Of course, being alone, I could get rid of a lot of this junk of 30 years and streamline things into a one bedroom apartment but then this house is home to Matthew also.  Oh what to do?  Calgon take me away!  Wish it were that easy!

There's always the option of fate bringing someone in my life that will take me away....hmmm...I don't believe in fairy tales any longer.  No knight on a white horse waiting to sweep me away.  Ah!  I do believe!  Life is full of mysteries and tomorrow I will open up another mystery God has waiting for me...

I'm such an oxymoron...I always think one thing one minute and the next I've completely changed my tune.  Of course you could call that wishy-washy too.  Yeah that's me!  Simply Complex!

Morning

Good Morning Everyone!  I used to love to lay in bed forever on the weekends but lately for some reason (I'm sure it's my thoughts) keep me from doing that.  Don't you just hate it when your mind won't let you rest?  Of course you know what they say about idle minds so I guess it's best I get my rear up and moving. 

Today my father and neice along with my daughter and her husband AND most importantly my little man are coming today. It's his birthday party tomorrow.  He is such an angel and I look so forward to his little arms.  He loves to hug me "tight tight".  He has this habit of playing with my hair and his mothers.  I guess it's soothing to him and he's done it all his little life.  When he wakes up during the night and he's sleeping with me...he will run his hands thru my hair and I guess it calms him into sleep again.  It's so sweet.  (sometimes it hurts though...LOL)

I'm glad this is the end of a pretty rotten week emotionally.  My whoremones should be back in balance pretty soon and I'll be back to my normal cheerful self for about two weeks.  Now you can all see why I'm single I mean divorced 3 times!  This time of the month I become a housewhore and I'm very difficult to live with.  My broom is never too far and I ride it often!  I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy if I had one of those which I don't.  I hate no one and plan to keep it that way.  Could you imagine the turmoil my brain would feel if added to everything else I feel that I had someone to expend hate upon?  What a waste of emotions!  

Well I'm off to get myself presentable for the world.  Smile God Loves YOU.

Misery loves Company

The healthy do not know how the sick feel, nor the full how the hungry suffer.  But sick sympathize with sick, and hungry with hungry, the more closely the more they are alike. For just as pure truth is seen only with a pure heart, so a brother's misery is truly felt only with a miserable heart.

- St. Bernard of Clavirvaux  (1090-1153)

 

Oh isn't this the truth?  May I always be hungry, miserable and sick so I can and will always know what my fellow humans feel.

 

 

 

Friendship

I  need a new friend.  My best friend Bill just moved to Colorado and we've been good friends for over 5 years now.  He recently left his wife and has already taken up with someone else and moved to Colorado. Planning on marrying her.  Men!  They just don't know how to stay alone.  I've been alone for 6 months now and am just now thinking about dating again.  I'm just in the thinking stages...may take me a few months to move to the actual pursuing stages...the receptionist at my new job wants to hook me up with a friend of hers.  Now she's only 25 so I can imagine I'd have to probably raise him and I'm in no mood for that at this time in my life.

During my hospice training a bereavement social worker was telling us that it is typical and not unusual for a man to take up with another woman as quickly as 2 months after a death of a spouse or the ending of a relationship.  Well my friend Bill topped that one...he stayed with me for one week after his separation and the following week he had already moved in with his next victim and all the while professing to still love his wife.  I'm still trying to get a  handle on this...to me if you truly love someone it would be difficult to start a new relationship so soon.  I know I couldn't...not one with any kind of meaning.  I'm sure it's possible because you hear it all the time...BUT that's when I say it wasn't true love to begin with.

What's all this about love lately?  I must be getting old or missing love in my life?  Hmmm...take an aspirin Sharlene and call me in the morning.  LOL

By the way..when I do start dating again my journals may become more interesting but I promise I won't be using vaseline on  my first date ever again....hmmmm bet that one makes ya think but it has nothing to do with what you have in your gutter minds!

Grandson's Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW!  NAMMY LOVES YOU!

Sorry

and P.S:  Love does say "I'm sorry"  Love does know when it does wrong and admits it.  Love hurts because in hurting you know you are feeling...

Being sorry and admitting all the wrong you have done is treating love with the kindness that it deserves.

Once again Lord...it's all yours!

My Visit

Today I visited my hospice patient.  I will call her "Angel".  She represents an angel to me.  She has the sweetest soul and the kindest demeanor. Today she was a bit upset.  I could see the emotions come across her face.  It is so enlightening to see the many emotions she feels.  She talks but it is so low that you can barely understand her.  I do know from the emotions on her face what she is experiencing.  Today I was sad with her because I could tell she felt some kind of emotional pain.  She would grimace and her lips would trimble.  It was almost like she was trying to understand someone or something.  She would shake her head almost in disbelief.  Her eyes would widen and then all of a sudden she would calm down and rest awhile.  I prayed for her mind to rest.  It seems like it never does.  I don't know if it's turmoil of some kind.  It's really hard to know since I don't know much about alzhiemers but I do know what my heart felt from her and that's all I need to know right now....

The Blessing:

There is no danger if our prayer is without words or reflection because the good success of prayer depends neither on words nor on study. It depends upon the simple raising of our minds to God, and the more simple and stripped of feeling it is, the surer it is.

- St. Jane Frances de Chantal (1572-1641)

Love

What is love to me? I would think that love is never intentionally hurting the person you profess to love. Never doing anything that would cause their soul to hurt. It even means taking yourself away from the person no matter how much it hurts you to do it if that is what needs to be done. Never doing anything vindictive to cause a loved one pain. Loving someone means praying for their happiness even at the cost of your own. Love means letting go when you know you are no longer productive in a person’s life. When all you do is cause hurt even when you don’t mean to...love is knowing when to say when no matter how much it hurts to do it. Love is not selfish. Love is kind...yeah and love is patient. .it doesn’t seek revenge. Love is understanding. Love opens up it’s arms and says "here God" he/she is yours. I’m helpless to know your will but I trust you Lord. Love helps you pray when someone hurts you. Love helps you resist revenge when revenge is part of our nature.  Love prays...and love never forgets. Yeah, I think I finally know how to love.

pooping on the potty

My grandson....  He is my little angel who keeps me above water on days like today.

He has been potty training for a few weeks and has been pretty successful except for the pooping on the potty.  Well  yesterday for the first time he pooped on the potty for his mom at home and was able to get a piece of that chocolate bunny that was on top of the refrigerator waiting for such a moment. AT daycare he hasn't had a problem being trained  but today he pooped in his pull up pants and his teacher asked him why he didn't go to the potty and he informed her "I too busy".   Seems like even 3 year olds don't escape the busyness of life.

I love that little boy more than life itself!

My blessing for the day.

Who teaches the soul if not God?

- St. Joan of the Cross (1268-1291)

 

A pierced heart

Well I've been writing in this journal since April 20 2005 and I've tried to keep really personal things out but today I have to talk about my third marriage which ended on paper 7 days before I began this journal.  Where to begin.  Let's begin with LOVE.  Yep that's how it began....  I  met Scott through a personal ad online. Match.Com.  I had managed to stay single and out of love for 8 years. He came along and broke many barriers that I had put up.  I will never forget the many emails that passed between us before we met in person and then afterward.  I do believe we fell in love before we met but I knew without a doubt my love for him Christmas Eve 2002.  I recall so vividly him being at my home and my looking at him and just knowing.  We listened to music on the stereo he had gotten me for Christmas.  Van Morrison.  He left for Canada on a skiing trip and it was most likely the longest week of my life.  Many emails passed between us that week and I think we both knew where our hearts were.  He came back on New Years Day and when he visited I told him I loved him.  He was the first guy I had ever told first about my feelings. I always had to play it safe because I feared rejection but with him my heart (at that time) was open.  I truly gave more of myself than I had ever given before.  My heart eventually closed off as it usually does.  Unfortunately some things I did hold back and therein lies my failures and the failure of our marriage before it actually even began.  We married in Jamaica on November 15, 2003.  It ended shortly after that. I take full responsibility for the marriage ending.  I pray every day for his happiness because he deserves so much.

God Bless you Scott.  May God always hold you in the palm of his hand.

Here we are when things were good.  I try to remember those times.  It was a beautiful day with so much hope for the future.  What do you do with the memories?

 

Monday Monday

Today was my first Monday at my new job.  It went smoothly and passed quickly.  I am busy!  Can you say hallelluia?  (glad you can say it because I can't spell it!)

My grandson is a riot!  The little master will be 3 years old Thursday and I was speaking with his mom on the phone this afternoon:  He is in the background trying to get his mother's attention by raising his voice a little bit at a time.  She is ignoring him and the next thing I hear is her laughing. 

Master Matthew tells his mother:  "Mom don't make me cry!"

Guess you can tell his Mother has a habit of saying "Matthew don't make me_______!"  He just happens to be smart enough to fill in his own blanks.  LOL

Blessed

Today I was blessed with the company of both of my grandmothers.  It was a special day.  My maternal grandmother was telling me about her wedding with my grandfather who died only 27 years after they were married.  She still cries when she speaks of him.  She was ten and he was thirteen when they met.  He moved away and made her promise to wait for him.  When  she was 13 and he was 16 he came back and they eloped three years later at the ages of 16 and 19.  They truly loved each other. I can remember my mother telling me what a wonderful loving relationship they had.  My grandmother tells me how hard she prayed for him to live whenever she found out he was dying...she was only 43 years old and then she went on to marry an S.O.B. that molested everyone in the family but that's a whole nother story.

Well my paternal grandmother was so happy to see me as she usually is.  She asked me a question today that really made me want to cry...She told me that she prays every day for me but then she said "Sharlene what do you want me to ask God to do for you?"  I said "Grandma, all I want is to love someone and them to love me...to love enough that you accept everything about that other person...even the bad."  She said "okay, that's what I'll pray for".  And you know what?  I bet you anything it'll be mine very soon because her prayers are very powerful.  She has an open line to God. :)

Thank you God for two such wonderful grandmothers...to teach me beautiful things through their experiences. Between the two of them that is 180 years of experience!   I am most blessed!

Almost forgot!

I did not tell you guys the funniest thing that happened to me today!  I being the good Catholic girl that I am decided to go to confession before mass today.  As I was waiting for confession a friend of my grandson's father was in  line next to me.  He recognized me as Brandi's mother and proceeded to ask my name.  And I told him so he introduced himself to me.  I remembered him because he came over to my house one time to fix my computer.  Anyway I could tell he had liquor on his breath so I was glad for the first time in my life that the confessional was mine to enter.  Bless me Father for I have sinned....Confession took me about 3 minutes. My penance was one Our Father.  LOL  I exit the confessional and Mr. Friend accosted me at the confessional doors.  Imagine my embarrassment when before I could close the confessional doors he asked me out well actually he asked me if I would mind if he would visit me sometimes...  I sinned immediately upon exiting the confessional by lying to him about having a boyfriend.  I should have turned around and went back into the confessional.  Bless me Father for I have sinned...That will be 2 more Our Fathers Madam! Turning young men's head in church...now shouldn't that be at least a rosary???  LOL  I must admit in all my years I have never been asked out in front of the confessional doors.

Blessing of the Day:

 

No one in the world can change Truth. What we can do and should do is to seek truth and to serve it when we have found it. The real conflict is the inner conflict. Beyond armies of occupation and the hecatombs of extermination camps, there are two irreconcilable enemies in the depth of every soul: good and evil, sin and love. And what use are the victories on the battlefield if we ourselves are defeated in our innermost personal selves?

- St. Maximilian Mary Kolbe (1894-1941)

Geriatrics Day

Today I visited my first Hospice patient.  She is 70 years old and in the last stages of Alzhiemers.  It was a very good experience.  I didn't know what I was going to say to a total stranger but God has a way of taking care of that.  She was in her own world and she talked up a storm and laughed at imaginary beings but I'm sure they were very real to her....and who the hell am I to say they weren't real?  She was conversing with angels!  Sometimes I wish I would be in her world.  I sat with her and nodded my head and laughed with her.  I'm going to go back Wednesday evening...She was a beautiful lady and her nails were all done very pretty.  You could tell that they make sure she continues to look her best despite her circumstances.

After that I called my 87 year old grandmother to visit with her. We went to church and after church we went have a couple of drinks at the local bar.  Let me tell you my grandmother is a go getter.  She could drink me under the table and dance me off the dance floor! I brought her home safe and sound!  A little worse for wear but happy as a lark!  Below is a pic of her and I dancing at my daughter's wedding.  Now this is around midnight and she's still at it!

Tomorrow I will be visiting my 93 year old grandmother.  I come from a family that lives forever.  At the age of 47 I have almost half my life left to live if they are any indication of longevity. 

Below is my 93 year old and I....Camera phone pic...not too good...but you can see what I will look like at 90....lol

 

I don't feel like writing in my journal today...so I don't think I will...LOL (what the hell did you just do Sharlene?)

Can you say tired?

Today was my first day at my new job...to say the least I am exhausted from everything that was crammed into my head but the people were sooooooooo nice.  Today I talked with and to them more than I did the entire year with my last employers.  I do believe once I'm trained I will be more suited for this company.  I'm off to la la land now.

Blessing:

They say that we are too poor, but can a heart which possesses the infinite God be truly called poor?

- St. Clare of Assisi (1193-1253)

Dating Losers

I have just returned from the library.  I am thoroughly depressed now!  I came across a book entitled "How to spot Mr. Wrong".  They have the "controller", "the Mama's boy" and so many many  more. While browsing through the chapters and reading a few lines I realized they described every damned guy in the universe.  Oh but they were so helpful because they do give you advice IF you happen to already be in a relationship with any one of these types.  Oh thanks! Where was this book when I needed it??  Next I moved on to the section that I really needed after reading that book "How to survive being alone".  I quickly realized if I were to believe everything about the "Mr Wrong" book then I was definitely going to have to get used to a life alone.  I'm sure you guys out there also have the same kind of books to read about women.  I want to say one thing about all this:  No one is perfect and anyone who is looking for Mr. & Mrs. Perfect is going to live alone. We all have scars from our past that we are dealing with and out there for everyone despite our wounds is someone who will love us for everything we are and everything we aren't.  I shudder to think that because I'm defective in some way, shape or form that I am being depicted in a book as being someone to stay away from.

My heart can't take being single any longer....mowing the lawn is about to kill me.  LOL

Forgiveness

Alan Paton

There is a hard law…When an injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.

How to get even.

Back from N.O.

After 15,000 seconds or so of traveling (thanks John for the calculations!) I am back from my trip to Laplace and New Orleans. I did have to shed quite a few tears going through Baton Rouge since it was my first trip through there since my separation and divorce.  I've learned that no matter how hard you try to forget... failures somehow always seem to hurt the most.  Like they say..what don't kill you makes you stronger...and here I am..don't know if I'm stronger but I'm not dead and this is what happens when you decide to live life to the best of your ability.  You make beautiful mistakes.  I say beautiful because if we learn something from those mistakes they become beautiful.

 I had a heart-warming welcome from my grandson.  I was his surprise yesterday and if you would have seen his face when he saw me....it makes life worth living! He would not let me out of his sight for the duration of my visit.  He had to show me everything at his "new" house and of course he wanted to come to Nammy's house when I left.  We went to mass prior to my leaving for New Orleans.  Since New Orleans is such a sinfully fun place I had to be sure to stock up on my faith before going there. :)  I was pretty much of a good girl with a few wrinkles here and there.  I wish I could have stayed longer.  I just love that place!

I snapped this pic of the sun this morning peaking thru a few clouds..It almost looks like it's on fire.  What did we do before camera phones? 

A man who governs his passions is master of his world. We must either command them or be enslaved by them. It is better to be a hammer than an anvil.

- St. Dominic de Guzman (1170-1221)

She never ceases to amaze me!

Loopy actually describes my daughter.  I have another good one to tell you guys.  She never and I mean never ceases to amaze me.  Here's the conversation we had when I asked her directions to her house:

Me:  I know how to get to Laplace just give me the directions after I take the exit.

Her:  Take a left on "x" street go to the end and take a right on "x" street.  Then count 10 to 15 and we are to the right.

Me:  10 to 15 what... houses?

Her:  No, 10 to 15 seconds...then we are to the right.

Me:  (laughing hysterically) Well in all my years Brandi I have never had anyone tell me to count seconds in giving me directions. 

Just suppose I count faster than others?  Oops wrong house! LOL

I'm off to LaPlace then New Orleans tonight.  Wish me luck...how many seconds do you think I have to count from Lafayette to LaPlace?

Seeing Double

 

Another good story about my dear daughter....She has been working at this place of business since April and today she made a most startling discovery.  Somehow this story does not surprise me in the least since she is the same girl who didn't know the mechanics of a "see and say".  It appears that she has been working with a set of twins since April and just discovered that they are not one person but two.  She called me laughing hysterically but she says that no one there knows of her mistake.  The fact that she called them both Sean instead of one of them Shane was just taken as mistaken identity. She said imagine her horror when they both showed up together in her office today.  I can see it because I know her so well...her eyes probably got real big and her face probably took on a beautiful glow and it probably took all she had not to laugh with glee at her mistake. 

Here's a pic of that smile I'm so often going to speak about.

Let me tell you about my experience at the dentist office yesterday.  First off I have to tell you that I have a terrible habit of eating ice or should I say chomping ice.  I'm very polite about it and try not to do this in front of anyone.  It's an annoying habit.  Anyway...I have two cracked teeth that need crowns which I knew but the crowns or not pressing right now since my nerves are not close to being exposed.  That was a relief to know since I can't afford them at this time. The greatest part of this visit was a discovery that I never dreamed my dentist of all people would solve and has saved me a trip to a dermotologist.  I have been plagued these past few years with what I thought was severe acne on my chin area.  I've been using acne medication for what he revealed to me were fever blisters.  Lo and behold my DENTIST gave me a prescription for a medication to clear up my face.  Talk about a blessing until I went to fill the medication.  The damned stuff cost $104.00.  I will definitely get the medicine but it will have to wait until pay day.  Isn't that the craziest thing???

 

Time

My mom gave me this pic last weekend when I was there.  Funny how I haven't changed a bit since I'm 13.  LOL  This was my first studio pic taken to give to a boyfriend who was 16 at the time.  This "boyfriend" contacted me again about a year ago after 32 years and we've become such good friends. We laugh and joke alot. His daughter is 13 now and he says he cannot imagine allowing her to have a boyfriend.  Times have changed...but he must realize I came from a redneck family who married me off at 16 and he often says that he was coming back for me but they married me off before he got a chance to finish college and return.  LOL  All is well that ends well...now instead of kissing like we used to do we just talk a lot.  Isn't that sweet?

Jobs

Today I am being lazy.  Doing nothing well today!  Going to bed last night knowing I did not have to go to that job I hated so much was the most wonderful feeling in the world.  Getting up this morning knowing I was free to do nothing was just as wonderful!  I am blessed.  I called the other people who offered me a job to turn it down.  They called back wanting to make me another offer but I am going to just ignore the call.   Also I got a response from another company I sent my resume to week before last.  It's a local bank.  One block from where I live.  I think I will call them...why not?  You never know they may have something better to offer and if it's good I would not have to drive far.  Although I did accept that other job...I guess I will just leave well enough alone and go with it.  It's a good company with great benefits.  I feel so wanted...LOL

Tomorrow I am going to my daughters house.  First time I visit her since she got married and moved.  She has come here plenty but I've never gone there.  She lives 30 minutes from New Orleans and I'm meeting a friend in New Orleans Sunday so it will kill two birds with one stone.  Actually three birds....I haven't seen my lil carrot top in three weeks...I miss that lil bugger.  He's my angel!  He leaves me messages on my voicemail that are soooooooo cute.  I cherish everyone of them.

I love New Orleans! Walking in Jackson Square...watching the people.  Going to mass at St Louis Cathedral.  Eating at Cafe Dumond. All the talented people making their living off the streets.  The mimes are my favorite.  You feel the rich history the minute you step foot in that city!   I don't know why I don't go more often...

The Blessing

Faith is not a wish to believe or a will to believe something contrary to reason. Faith is not living as if something were true. Faith is the acceptance of a truth based on the authority of God’s revelation, as manifested in the Church and in Scripture.

- Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

Too happy to contain myself!

Well you guys I got both of the jobs but took the one I wanted making more money than I was making!  God is sooooooooooo good!  And to make things even better I gave my notice to my current employer and they decided to cut off their nose to spite their face...said this would be my last day...do you honestly think that upset me? I knew they were looking for someone but I do believe they expected to let me go before but I beat them to the punch because they were going to offer me a week's severance pay.  I told them to keep it that I didn't want it since I gave notice before they could let me go.  I am so joyous I don't know how to contain myself!  I am free all next week if I choose to be but I think I will only take a few days off because that other company really needs me.  She was overwhelmed with work.  Please guys pray that this job is what I've been looking for!  I know God would not put me somewhere without a reason...so here I Lord! 

While doing nothing at work today I took this personality type test...here are the results...right on target!   See my now EX employers lost a mastermind!   LOL

Masterminds
The four aspects that make up this personality type are:

Summary of Masterminds

Visionaries who put energy into achieving their goals
Prefer to work independently and dislike inefficiency
Think of themselves as logical, thorough and bright
Value practicality and common sense above ideas and theories
More about Masterminds

Masterminds create a vision for the future by gathering and organising
information. They then develop strategies to achieve their goals. They have
a rare gift for looking at almost anything and seeing how it can be
improved. These skills and the Masterminds' high standards often allow them
to reach leadership positions at work.


  Mastermind is the least common personality type in the UK, according to a
nationwide survey.


Masterminds value independence and prefer to work on their own. Once they
have decided on a course of action, Masterminds rarely change their minds,
although they can be persuaded by the clear reasoning of someone they
respect.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated,
Masterminds may cut themselves off from a group and criticise people who
don't understand their plans. Under extreme stress, Masterminds may
overindulge in sensory experiences like eating, shopping or watching
television.

Masterminds often have an unusual sense of humour, which arises from their
ability to spot surprising links between seemingly unconnected facts.

Mastermind Careers

Masterminds are drawn to jobs requiring logical analysis or abstract
thinking common in science or technical fields.

yeeeeeeeeeeee hawwwwwwwwwwwww  Think I may have two jobs now!  So  tell me what if you really want the job that isn't going to be decided  until Friday but you  know you are going to be offered the job that you are going on the second interview prior to Friday?  Hmmm..do you accept it just to be safe and then change your mind if you are offered the other one?  Hmmm..believe it or not...my present company is possibly already interviewing.  That's their perogative but suppose I don't quit?  I know they can lay me off but then I can collect unemployment, right?  It's a win-win situation here.   Nah, I don't want to be cocky about it.  I sincerely believe my leaving and finding other employment will be better for them and me.  That place is just not challenging enough for me.

toodle loo!

Oh let me mention when I got to work today after two days off AND my little tete'-a-tete' with my supervisor Friday absolutely NO ONE spoke to me.  I guess I offended her and I apologized to her because I knew it wasn't her that was the culprick (hehehe) I went to hug her in apology but you could feel the wall so I just touched her on the shoulder in a gesture of affection.  No one can bring me down though I am too high from my experience with Hospice.  God will take care of me...one way or the other.  Faith!

The Blessing:

We must always choose the most perfect. Two good works present themselves to be done, one in favour of a person we love, the other in favour of a person who has done us some harm. Well, we must give preference to the latter.

- St. John Vianney (1786 -1859)

Back to reality

Hello Hello Hello  anyone out there?  Calling all angels...

I am now a certified Hospice Volunteer!  Two of the most wonderful intense days and tomorrow I have to go back to the drudgery of that hell hole I work in.  Can you imagine learning how to care for the dying is more desireable to me than where I have to go to work.  Let me tell you I've laughed more in the past two days than I've laughed and enjoyed life at work in the past year.  Tis a joy and sense of peace about dying.  There is hope for me...I put out two resume's Friday and I have two interviews!  I went on one today which is very encouraging.  They want me back for a second interview after they have finished interviewing the rest.  I really don't think I want that position but I will go for the second interview to give them an opportunity to convince me.  LOL  I have one tomorrow with a larger company so for me it is very encouraging to be faced with a job I hate but also know that I have other opportunities!  I want to be very careful to resist taking the first job offered just to get out of my present situation.  What I really would love to do is sell everything I own and go work for Hospice.  Maybe one day a paying position will become available but I would still want to do go into the homes and sit with the patients.  I think I have chosen to be more into the spiritual side of it...pastorial care.  Hospice has soooooooooo many areas that you can volunteer.  I have so much time on my hands I told them to hook me up with everything.  They asked if I wanted to be a speaker for Hospice...oh dear?  Me a speaker?  They do have a training course so who knows?  Anyway...I feel joy joy joy....

Blessing:

How kind is our Sacramental Jesus! He welcomes you at any hour of the day or night. His Love never knows rest. He is always most gentle towards you. When you visit Him, He forgets your sins and speaks only of His joy, His tenderness, and His Love. By the reception He gives to you, one would think He has need of you to make Him happy.

- St. Peter Julian Eymard (1811-1868)

Coincidences

I don't know about you guys but I don't believe in coincidences.  Today was my first day training for Hospice Volunteer work.  The reason I chose Hospice is because my ex mother in law was dying of cancer and Hospice was there with the family and it was the most beautiful experience of dying I could ever imagine.  This experience helped me with the fear that I have of dying.  Well today I was signing in at the class and the young girl ahead of me signed in and I noticed her last name was "Varnado" which is not a common name and that just so happened to be my mother in laws maiden name and my ex's middle name.  I sat next to the girl to find out where she was from and she was from Bogalusa Louisiana which is where my mother in law was born and raised.  We spoke and she remembered her mother talking about about a Miss Barbara in the family.  Now let me explain Bogalusa is about 3 1/2 hours from where I am now so the chances of this happening is amazing!   I felt this was confirmation that indeed this was where I needed to be.  As the training course went on it became obvious that these people are wonderfully dedicated individuals who love what they do.  In the training were nurses and physicians dedicating their time.  Also Dr. Rivet who is a neurosurgeon and retired donates all of his time as the director.  He was the team doctor for LSU.  Very very inspiring!  All I can say is these people are beautiful and I am honored to be part of it and thank you Ms. Barbara for inspiring me!