Rantings of a Simple Woman

It's been awhile...

2011-01-27T11:27:00.000-08:00

I'm enjoying my grandmotherly status so I haven't done anything inspiring enough (not that I ever did) to post and bore you.

I'm here to brag and show pics of all my children. My little Bailey Kate will be a year old next month and may I say she's a doll?

Driving Backwards

2010-05-24T14:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday on the road traveling, my grandson to his mother:

"Mom, is that truck driving backwards?"

A Captive Audience

2010-05-19T13:10:00.000-07:00

What a sweet big brother:

A Quandary

2010-04-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

At the advanced age of 51, I have dated my share of men but last night was a first for me. Let me tell you, I have seen a lot of things, but a man who doesn't walk his date to the door? What? Did he think I was going to accost him at my doorsteps and have my way with him? Did he think I was going to drag him into my home and make him perform acts only known to other-worldly creatures? Or maybe the idea of having to kiss me goodnight gave him nightmares...whatever it was....

I choose to believe it was because he enjoyed watching my backside as I walked to my door because he politely waited in his car until I unlocked my door and was safely inside...

What a man!

Bailey Kate is here!

2010-03-05T06:28:00.001-08:00

Ummmmm.....

2010-02-08T08:31:00.000-08:00

Showing our Saints' Spirit

2010-02-05T09:28:00.001-08:00

To say I'm excited would be an understatement!

A sneak peek at my granddaughter!

2009-11-24T19:21:00.000-08:00

Ooh that smell....

2009-10-05T17:55:00.000-07:00

It all started with a smell...

No perhaps it started with the noises in the attic...

...or maybe an old friend that no one remembers?

Last night I was rooting around my pantry to come up with a meal to cook for myself and with the limited amount of groceries I allow myself to keep on hand, that was a task not too many want to tackle. I, Little Miss Julia Child wannabe took the challenge and commenced rooting like a rat. I came up with Penne Pasta, Pesto and Fresh Frozen Shrimp.
Hmmm, I said..I think I can! I think I can! and yes I did!

We all know what shrimp peelings smell like after they've been sitting awhile? I placed mine in the garbage can in a plastic bag knowing that in the morning I would be discarding them outside in the garbage bin to be picked up by the trashman. This morning I awake to a deluge the likes of which God should be very proud! Since sugah melts, I could not bring my trash to the bin at the road so instead of leaving it in the house, I place it on my bbq pit on the patio, praying to the God that sent the monsoon not to allow any neighborhood cats to pimmage through it leaving a scattering of stinky shrimp shells. Driving under my carport, I continue my prayers and when I rounded the corner, my eyes lit upon the untouched garbage bag.

God is Good! Sometimes.

I hurry and dispose of all evidence.

Unlocking the door, I walk into my laundry room to a smell that would knock out Cassius Clay, Muhammad Ali and whatever other name he goes by. WTF? I'm thinking to myself Ali killed somebody with his "sting like bee" punch and left the dead body in my house to rot.

Rewind to the previous night, I'm chatting on Facebook with an old friend of my brothers that I have no remembrance of ever knowing but he remembers me. hmmmm...time to rummage up an old yearbook, eh?

I disregard the smell for awhile, pull down the ladder to my attic, and climb up, knowing full well I should never do that alone especially being of the advanced years that I am. My need to know the identity of my Facebook friend outweighs all caution. Up the ladder I go, and I turn on the light to the sounds of FLIES whirring around like helicopter blades. Whoosh! The smell hits me worst than any Muhammad punch. I rush down the ladder like a spring chicken, throw up the ladder, and shut the attic door, but too late! Out comes a swarm of flies battling each other to find residence on every piece of furniture.

I have three flyswatters somewhere in this house! Count them...THREE. I cannot not find one of them! Why? Because I allowed my grandson to play with them at one point and I prayed to Allah, St. Anthony and all the Saints but still could not find a swatter to swat them flies!

I headed to the local grocery store to purchase one and they had everything imaginable but a flyswatter but lo and behold they had a flystick. I will buy anything NOT to have to go to Walmart! So I purchase this lil invention and bring it home WITHOUT reading the directions thinking "how hard can it be?"

I get home and proceed to read that you need syrup or honey to attract the damned flies to the stick. Refer to Paragraph One...I have limited groceries in my pantry, the least of which is honey or syrup. The flies are a buzzin' and Sharlene's a rooting in her pantry for something to attract them. My eyes finally come to rest upon a box of brown sugar. I started singing a Rolling Stones song (Ah brown sugar how come you taste so good(a-ha) brown sugar, just like a young girl should A-huh) as I made a mixture for the flystick.

Well folks, there is one of the flies (Ali) does it look like it's on the stick?

Didn't think so.

Guess who'll be catching flies tonight as she sleeps with her mouth wide open?

My future grandchild...

2009-09-16T12:58:00.001-07:00

still in the oven....

2009-08-07T12:42:00.001-07:00

woooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooo!

Wild Hairs

2009-07-28T19:11:00.000-07:00

You're supposed to get

wild hairs up your ass but

I just plucked one off my chin!

Keith Urban

2009-07-21T18:19:00.000-07:00

On 7/11/09, Keith Urban invited me to Dallas so he could perform for me. He is such a talented musician that I couldn’t imagine it being wasted on just myself so I graciously invited enough people to fill the American Airlines Arena. Brandi, her husband, and Matthew begged to come along so what could a mother do? After the concert, Keith wanted to take me home but I had to remind him that he had a wife and child. I know he hated the rejection but we all have to come to terms with things we can’t have. It was the 5th time he requested my presence and he was equally as good the 5th time as he was the 1st time! He really needs to stop stalking me…

On a happier note, Brandi decided that I couldn't handle just Keith Urban so we woke to the sounds of "OMG OMG OMG" shouted loudly, at an ungodly hour, from the hotel bathroom. Her husband and I run into the bathroom to find my daughter, in all her glory, sitting on the toilet with a positive pregnancy test in her hand. Her husband says "what a romantic way to find out I'm gonna be a Dad again" Leave it to Brandi!

A few pics of our weekend:

Doesn't she look happy? Matthew isn't too sure about it all...he knows his spoiled days are numbered! I don't know how to break it to the new baby but he'll always be my special one!

Come on Brandi, let's quit taking pictures and go...Keith is waiting for me!

Look at that glow on her face!

He was so excited to see me he turned all the stage lights on when I arrived!

Look at me way up front...He's singing "Kiss a
Girl" to me...

Update

2009-07-16T19:45:00.000-07:00

I guess I need to update everyone on what's going on in my life....

...........so that's about it.

4th of July

2009-07-04T07:06:00.000-07:00

HAPPY SPARKS TO YOU ALL!

I'M GOING TO SET OFF A FEW SPARKS OF MY OWN.

DETAILS TO FOLLOW! LOL

Thoughts

2009-06-06T20:00:00.000-07:00

I've given a lot of thought to writing this entry .....

....and decided not to....

Digital Billboards

2009-03-27T12:51:00.001-07:00

I can't believe I'm admitting to this but I went into convulsive laughter at myself when I was reading a digital billboard and no matter how many times I pressed my steering wheel, it would NOT go back to the previous screen so that I could read it. YES, I did that! That's the price we pay in the computer age where the arrow keys will allow you to return to the previous screen and TIVO/DVR allows you to go back as well.

If anyone else has ever attempted to do that, please let me know that I'm not the only nutcase!

MOTOWN's 50th Anniversary

2009-03-25T17:19:00.000-07:00

Jeez! I'm older than Motown!

A Cajun Twist

2009-03-17T18:29:00.000-07:00

I was over at Chris' blog checking out his recipes and since he wasn't showing any skin flics other than pork to keep me on his blog, I figured I'd go ahead and try his Penne with Sun Dried Tomato & Asiago Cheese to satisfy my kinkiness.

Of course I had to take his recipe and change it up a bit because I prefer Cheese Ravioli so I substituted Penne with Ravioli. Hope you don't mind Chris!

And then I sauteed some veggies on the side. The Cajun in me took hold and wouldn't let me go so I looked at the Pasta and then I looked at the veggies and said "Gumbo Time"

Washing Sheets

2009-02-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

A little advice to my fellow bloggers.

When washing new sheets, don't forget to take out the cardboard inserts.

What a freaking mess!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

2009-02-14T12:54:00.000-08:00

Since today is St. Valentine's Day, I feel a need to wish all the men that shouldda, couldda , wouldda been in my life a very special and heartfelt Happy Valentine's Day and I love each and every one of you with all my heart, soul and gizzards!!

A conversation with an angel

2009-01-07T19:34:00.001-08:00

I called Matthew this past weekend and as usual when he answered the phone I asked him what he was doing. His response to me was that he was "playing Jesus". I asked him the next obvious question "why are you playing Jesus?" His innocent answer to me was "because I love Jesus". I thought I would try to stump him so I asked him "where is Jesus' mother?" Kind of thinking that he may logically tell me where his mother was instead he quietly informed me that the "Virgin Mary was talking to God"

What an angel! Here he is in his tuxedo.

My leather jacket

2008-12-30T18:04:00.000-08:00

I fell on my knees and cried like a baby last night when I got home. I wasn't going to blog about this simply because I didn't think I could convey in words the emotions that coursed through me by one simple act of kindness. It wasn't a big thing but it brought home to me how truly blessed I am and have always been.

I have a black leather jacket that has been taking up residence on a wooden rocking chair that I have in my computer room. This chair is what I drop everything on when I get home and it's the chair that I've rocked my every things (Brandi and Matthew). I know now that the jacket quietly sat there to bring home to me something I've always known but never completely acknowledged.

When I got home yesterday from the gym, I did what I normally do, I dropped everything on the chair, stripped on my way to the bedroom, went to my closet to put my shoes away and that's when I saw it. My leather jacket. Hanging haphazardly on the hangar. I fell to my knees crying like a baby.

My dad, who lives in Texas had come to visit Sunday night and he left yesterday morning after I went to work. Obviously he saw the jacket on the chair and wanted to somehow help me out by hanging it. That may not seem to be much of a big deal these days but in my dad's day it was unheard of. That simple kindness brought home to me that my dad loves me and how many huge things he has done for me, but it took this small act to bring it home. He has always been there for me in the good times, the bad, the sad and the happy. This man, my dad, listened to many heartaches that I've endured and has tried to console me. He would never dream that his daughter does wrong and if he does, it never leaves his dream.

My dad is 76 years old and in his old age he loves to talk, gossip, chitchat, etc. Something he has never had a desire to do before but I guess he is lonely. I promise next time he goes on a marathon talkathon, I will remember my leather jacket hanging haphazardly in my closet, and pray to have all the patience in the world with him.

As I pick myself up off my knees and wipe the tears from my eyes, I walk into the bathroom and notice the toilet seat up and I laugh and forgive him this small discretion. In his day, his mother couldn't teach him to put the toilet seat down because he grew up in the age of outhouses and corncobs.
I shake my head, raise my foot, and put the toilet seat down.

Germs are everywhere!

2008-12-29T19:27:00.000-08:00

This weekend while my daughter and grandson were visiting, I notice she hadn't taught him how to aim very well or put the toilet seat down after his misguided aims. I explained to her that those sort of lessons must come from the mother. The male species will not deem it necessary to teach a young lad such things.

My daughter decided to take me up on teaching Matthew good point and aim skills. On the way home today she gives him a verbal lesson explaining to him exactly how it should be done. Pick up toilet seat, aim, shoot, flush and put down toilet seat. She tells him that she will be escorting him to the john until he perfects this skill.

They arrive home and of course he eventually has to try these new skills. She follows him into the bathroom. He raises the seat, points and aims perfectly but starts to walk away. She says "Matthew, you forgot something..." He lifts his legs, using his feet to depress the lever to flush and put the toilet seat down.

Anyone who knows me would know that I am a big time germophobic! I don't touch bathroom door knobs with my bare hands. Matter of fact there is not much in a bathroom that I do touch with my bare hands. Yep, seems, unknowing to me, my little man has been very observant of his Nammy. That's exactly how I flush and put down the toilet seat. Those levers are probably the nastiest things to touch besides door knobs!

My daughter was rolling when she called me... They see a lot more than you think they do...

A day with the daughter

2008-12-27T19:03:00.000-08:00

My daughter is 26 years old and she still loves to aggravate me. Her day is not complete unless she has managed to find something that will raise my hackles. I am normally a very calm, sweet and gentle woman until she decides that I need to be otherwise.

Yesterday her and I traveled to Texas to see my parents. She hates my driving so I drove just to aggravate her and the entire trip she kept reminding me that I didn't know how to drive on the interstate. I told her that just because I was not weaving in and out of traffic at 90 miles an hour did not warrant me as not knowing how to drive.

I allowed her to drive on the way home simply because I was tired or otherwise she'd have had to put up with my lack of competence on the interstate for another two hours. We were in the car a mere ten minutes and she attempted to kill me three times. I honestly think my only saving grace was the fact that my young grandson was in the car and it wasn't his time to go.

Of course, her being a typical female that drank 2 liters of diet coke during the trip needed a pitt stop. I knew when she stopped at Walgreens to relieve herself that it was the beginning of my total aggravation. Forget that I had decided I was going to be patient with her...Dear Lord, I promise I wanted to be! My grandson had fallen asleep so Nammy Dearest had to stay in the car with him and could not go along with Daughter Dearest to hurry her along. As I've said, I am not the most patient of women but I gave her ten minutes to pee before I started getting antsy. When I realized that yesterday was the day after Christmas and sales, the light bulb went off...She was relieving more than her bladder. She was emptying her wallet as well. When she finally arrives back at the car, my bladder which had been completely empty, had filled up. I slammed out of the car like the old witch she believes me to be but before my departing she says "I thought you didn't need the bathroom" at which I responded "That was before your shopping spree!" I was tempted to pay kind with kind but decided to be big about and a bit more considerate.

I return to the car and go into my nagging spiel of how inconsiderate it is to say you are going to the bathroom and 2o minutes later you return as if that's the most normal thing in the world (which for her it is). I'm just not quite as accustomed to it any longer. Her husband is!! She continues to laugh at me because for some reason she finds me so amusing when I am harping on her for her behavior.

The radio is playing Love Songs at Night with Delilah during my spewing and then on comes this girl telling about how she mistreats her mom and is very inconsiderate towards her. Delilah is admonishing her, etc etc. At this point, Brandi and I are rolling with laughter. It always happens that way with her and I, we aggravate the hell out of each other but ALWAYS end up laughing because it is hilarious and something like this sparks our humor.

Of course it didn't stop there, when we got home she had to come into my room and aggravate me again simply stating that she misses that most of all since she lives 4 hours away.

We do love each other!

News to me!

2008-12-27T12:03:00.000-08:00

Wow I never knew this:

There is one Christmas Carol that has always baffled me. What in the world do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?
This week, I found out. From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.

-The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
-Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
-Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
-The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.
-The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
-The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
-Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
-The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
-Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.
-The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.
-The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
-The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol...so pass it on if you wish.

2008-12-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S

May your day be blessed with many joys and may the peace of Christ be yours now and forever!

LSU, The Bears and The Saints

2008-12-20T12:48:00.001-08:00

My two joys will be with me for the Christmas holidays. I thought I was finished with my shopping until I had this little conversation with the joy of my life.

Matthew: Nammy! (said with a North Louisiana Redneck drawl...Naaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeee)

Nammy: What my angel?

Matthew: (all excited) Santa is bringing some of my presents to your house and some of them to my Dad's house. (I guess his dad told him Santa was passing at their house for him too....and kids these days think that they got a raw deal!)

Nammy: Well, sweetie, Nammy will have some presents for you too.

Matthew (natural curiosity) What did you buy me Nammy? (he says Nammy after every sentence uttered)

Nammy: It's a surprise...you will find out when you open them.

Matthew: Nammy, I know what you got me.... NFL football players.

Nammy: NFL Football players?

Matthew: Yeah, Nammy, the LSU Tigers (so he doesn't realize they aren't pro...LOL) , The Bears and the Saints.

Nammy (to herself...oh shit)

So......I wasn't quite finished. Now, instead of ornaments, I have NFL football players hanging on my Norfolk Pine.

Sneaux Tigers

2008-12-15T12:34:00.000-08:00

Something South Louisiana rarely sees is snow but on the 11th we were blessed with what we consider a lot of snow. What a sight it was.

LSU's Mascot Mike the Tiger....Sneaux Tigers!

Something worth having.

2008-12-14T12:09:00.000-08:00

I've often been asked what it is I am looking for in a relationship and I usually get laughed at when I answer with these words "I want to one day be the little old lady and the little old man that I see on Sunday in church." You know? The ones who shuffle their way into mass every single Sunday come rain or shine. They sit there barely able to hear so they turn their hearing aids up and then turn to their partner and say "eh?" So adorable! Today with tears in my eyes I saw exactly what I am talking about.

The elderly lady walks into Mass with lil old man behind her. She sees a friend in the choir and decides to chat with her. Lil ole' man stands next to the pew waiting patiently for her. He looks over at her but never gets into the pew without her nor walks over to her to interrupt her chat to make her hurry. After about 5 minutes she walks toward the pew, he guides her with his hand into the pew. She sits and he reaches down to lower the kneeler for her. They kneel and pray together.

In my eyes: Me + You = God/Love. Without HIM there is no US.

For some reason the lil old man/lady brings that home to me every single Sunday!

Some of you may laugh at my idea of love but those are my ideals and I'm not going to apologize for them. I may die a lil old women without her lil ole' man but I doubt it! Some thing worth having is worth waiting for!

The Breakfast Bowl

2008-12-08T17:31:00.001-08:00

I am very much a creature of habit and routine. Every single morning I eat breakfast at Chick-fil-A. They are the only fast food restaurant that will serve a side of eggs that are scrambled but not in loads of butter or grease. I will also get a medium cup of fruit or a biscuit and a large Diet Coke....$3.47. Healthy and cheap.

Also, I am a big LSU fan and this morning my daughter text me and this is what I read:

Looks like LSU is playing in the Sharlene Breakfast Bowl this year.

Face in Hand

2008-12-07T11:53:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in church today with my face in my hands, feeling sorrowful, when I suddenly realized how intimate of a gesture touching someone's face can be. We do it often without realizing what we are doing or why. When you touch the face of the one you are kissing it brings more meaning into it. When you care for someone you touch their face in awe of them. It comes natural, almost without thought. We can touch anywhere else on the body but for some reason the face is much more intimate and personal.

As I did this morning in Mass, when we are upset with something in our lives we put our face in our hands comforting ourselves, crying out our sorrow in our hand.

Touch a face today even if it's your own. I did!

Do you see what I see?

2008-12-03T18:24:00.000-08:00

Today I was at work doing my normal accounting functions when I came upon an invoice that appeared to have been through the ringer and back. Apparently someone was eating some heavy duty fried chicken and decided to wring the chicken out onto this invoice. As I was looking at it I realized it may be worth something one day so I best take a picture of it. Seriously, if someone can try to sell a cornflake that looks like a state or a piece of toast with a vision of the Virgin Mary on it, why couldn't I try to see some otherworldly something on my invoice.....

Help me out guys. What do you see?

Booster Seats

2008-11-29T13:57:00.000-08:00

Mom, I think it's time to take me out of the booster seat...I'm 21 years old!

A little cyber fun

2008-11-28T20:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we meet people on the internet that we are unlikely to ever meet in real life. People who live far away but they are met in virtual life and bring meaning and laughter to your life. You get to know them through emails and with the silliest of ways you get to laugh and they bring joy to your life on mundane days and I hope he doesn't mind me sharing it.

He is at work doing what most IT guys do..nothing and I am at home this evening doing what I do best ...nothing. We have found the nothingness of this evening and turned it into laughter through cyberspace.

It all started with an email with him asking a few question and me filling in the blanks for him and then I turned around and asked him a few questions and he filled in the blanks for me. We then took each other's blanks and created a story. Even at our age we can have sweet innocent fun! This is what ensued:

My answers to his questions:

1. Men should never wear pink tights
2. The sunshine burns my ass and I love it!
3. Yesterday I heard that soon Mike would show me his pretty pink tights.
4. My neighbors are great, but they are flaming!
5. A monkey and a child should swing from trees.
6. I once ate a can of tuna fish with 4 cats surrounding me.
7. Once i was so drunk I entered a legs contest at a local lounge...didn't win but a guy offered me a 100 dollars because he thought I should have won! Then I promptly missed all 6 steps and fell out of the bar blaming my male friend for pushing me. LOL
9. i would rather ride a camel than be a hump on one.
10. When we landed on the moon, I was 11 and had a sweatshirt that said "fly me to the moon!"

And this is the story he made up:

I once went sunbathing at a nude beach, and laid out too long, getting my ass burnt. Someone stole my trunks, and all I could find were a pair of pink tights and a t-shirt that said "fly me to the moon'. Considering I was late to take Shar to the ballet, I considered my outfit to be appropriate, as she noticed when she opened her door. Her neighbors were there and commented positively on my evening wear, suggesting I enter a 'nice legs' contest at the local bar, which I declined. We first had a lovely romantic dinner of tuna fish at Cats Eyes restaurant, smoked Camel cigarettes, and realized the tickets were in my stolen swim trunks. We had to settle for a night watching Disney's Jungle Book movie, laughing at the monkey teaching the boy how to swing from the trees.

His answers to my questions:

I once had a sandwich of polish sausage, with Russian dressing, on Italian bread
If I could be 7 again probably still have wrinkles
I wish I had a backpack jet to fly me to new orleans
China is my hell I aint got nothing here..lol
The armidillo and I went cruisin to el paso!
If every picture tells a story then I'm a still a blank canvas.
My favorite nail polish is passion pink.
I sold my used socks on ebay.
When I'm 60 lbs overweight I can kick all those bully's butts

My story to his answers:

When I was traveling through New Orleans with my back pack jet, I saw an idiot with passion pink nail polish sitting in a Bourbon Street bar eating a sandwich. He was staring at a blank canvas trying to figure out how to paint all those wrinkles in that old ladies face. She was from the Southside and had more chins than China. He sat there for what seemed like hours eating on his polish sausage and the Italian dressed waiter asked him if he wanted a White Russian. He explained to the waiter that if he nipped into any liquor that his Armadillo would refuse to take him to El Paso and he needed to get to El Paso with his excess 60 pounds to whip up on the bully that bought his socks on ebay.

Thanks Mike for the laughter! You are so appreciated!

A thankful thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T15:16:00.000-08:00

Today instead of spending time with family, I decided to spend my day in bed with Anne Rice. As much as I love to read, I have never read her books simply because vampires and the supernatural were against everything I was taught. I knew she was from New Orleans but little else about her.

The same friend who challenged me to learn about the faith I so believed in could not believe I had never read a book by her. As I was in Barnes and Noble, looking for the Cathecism of the Catholic Church, right there was a book by Anne Rice. Intrigued and astonished that it was in the Christian section, I picked it up to read the inside cover.

Today I read this book from cover to cover. The day could not have been spent any better. No family nor friend could have taught me what this book did and so beautifully on Thanksgiving Day.

I walked and cried with her and actually felt the exact same things she felt growing up as a Catholic. She, in a more stricter sense than I, because she is older and from a time when the teachings were less forgiving. She lived and breathed Jesus growing up.

I have to admire her for consciously denouncing God and her belief in him. I understood her reasonings for becoming athiest. Unlike people who claim to be Christian and slowly losing their faith, she made a conscious decision not to believe. That was powerful but what was more powerful was her unconscious return to Christianity and her Catholic faith.

All I can say is...wow. She is one remarkable woman and one that I so admire now. I am thankful!

Called Out Of Darkness:

A Spiritual Confession

By Anne RiceKnopf; 245 pp.

The Gist:

In 2002 Rice, the queen bat of vampire fiction, shed her fangs and began writing books (two so far) about the life of Jesus. This memoir is Rice's attempt to explain her return to Christianity, moving from the idyllic New Orleans of her 1940s childhood to the renunciation of her Catholic faith — indeed, of all faiths — during her student years and after in 1960s San Francisco. Rice's reminiscences about her ensuing atheist period and the success of her decidedly irreligious vampire novels are tinged with some sorrow; she moves earnestly on to the 90s, years in which, she says, a benevolent deity "hunted" her down until she gave in and accepted His divine love.

Highlight Reel:1. An epiphany beneath the huge statue of Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro: "Suddenly the clouds broke, revealing the giant figure of Jesus Christ above us, with His outstretched arms. The moment was beyond any rational description...I had come thousands of miles to stand here. And here was the Lord. The clouds quickly closed over the statue; then broke and revealed the statue again. How many times this happened I don't remember. I do remember a kind of delirium...I didn't acknowledge faith in these moments at the foot of the statue. But something greater than creedal formulation took hold of me, a sense that this Lord of Lords belonged to me in all his beauty and grandeur."

2. The fate of Lestat: "My hero, the Vampire Lestat, the genderless giant who lived in me, was always the voice of my soul in this novel [2002's Blackwood Farm] and it is no accident that he begins it with a cry of the heart, 'I want to be a saint, I want to save the souls of millions!' [But]by the end of the novel, confessing his failure ever to be anything but a rambunctious reprobate and Byronic sinner, he...resigned as the hero of the books which had given him life...This character who had been my dark search engine for twenty-seven years would never speak in the old framework again."

3. On her differences with contemporary Christian teaching: "Centuries ago the stars were sacred. A man could be burnt at the stake for declaring that the earth revolved around the sun...Now the Christian world holds the stars to be secular...Is it not possible for us to do with gender, sexuality and reproduction what was long ago done with the stars? To realize that...new sources of information on them may be as valid as the information given us long ago?"

4. A shocking childhood scene recounted only 13 pages before the book's end: "I was with a group of children...playing in the side yard of a house that had a basement and an open basement window. At one point we crowded to the edge...and looked down into the empty room. The room must have been over eight feet deep. Perhaps it was deeper. There was a little boy crouching next to me at the edge of the window, and I turned to him, and pushed him so that he fell all the way down to the basement floor. I did it for no other reason than to see what would happen. I did it because I felt it was an interesting thing to do. I will never forget all my life that little boy's scream as he fell...I mention it now because I think I knew evil and wrong in that moment."

The Lowdown:Called out of Darkness is catnip for devout Christians: Rice's conversion is disorganized enough to sound real, her eagerness to embrace confession and discipleship is inspiring, and her arguments in a passage on "Christmas Christianity" suggest Rice could rival C.S. Lewis as a popular apologist for the faith. For those more interested in learning about what shaped the author of the bestselling vampire sagas and volumes of sadomasochistic pornography (written under a pseudonym), the book is maddening. Rice drops dark hints of severe dyslexia, militant gender ambiguity, alcoholism and bipolarity, but retreats, giving little away. The startling childhood confession very late in the book suggests that had Rice aired her demons more fully, the tale of her defection to the angels would be that much more powerful.

The Verdict: Read

To thine own self be true

2008-11-26T15:04:00.000-08:00

I’ve always thought the way that I feel was about religion and being a Catholic. Today I was making my bed (no I wasn’t lying in it too) when I realized it is only partially due to religion. It’s my conscious (God) that tells me when something is not right for me. My conscious is my religion and my faith.

It may feel good for a while but if something keeps nagging me then at some point I have to stop and examine that nag. If it’s a bogus nag I will send it upon its way but if it’s legit, then it’s time to find out where it’s coming from.

Today I did that. I asked myself why I won’t allow myself to do certain things that most people do so freely and without guilt. The answer was a revelation to me. The simple and pure reason is because God calls me away from anything that harms my soul. He won't allow me to stray too far from him and instead of being thankful for this gift of grace, I grind my teeth in frustration. Oh ye of little faith!

I’ve always thought something was wrong and abnormal with me but God calls me to avoid near occasion of sin and when I'm in a sinful state the old coot nags me! I find myself back in the throes of sin time and time again only to find out that he will be pulling my ass back.

I’m left standing with WTF was that? A lesson, Sharlene, to open your mouth and stand up for ME (God). Time to walk the walk!

Damn it, I failed him again but as a Christian, there’s always....

Bless me Father...

God just..

2008-11-23T15:32:00.000-08:00

God just built me that way...those were the words that Matthew said to me this morning and they spoke volumes.

I’ve always struggled with verbalizing what I believe when it comes to the teachings of my faith especially to people who don’t believe the same. I’ve believed and have always believed the teachings of the Catholic faith. As the years have gone by, I’ve forgotten half the teachings but on faith I knew I still believed. A friend of mine, last week, challenged me on just what it is I believe and what the Catholic Church teaches. I could not, with any clarity, conviction or firm reasoning state why I believed what I did. He basically suggested that maybe I should read and perhaps see if my views were still the same.

Last week found me at Barnes and Noble looking for "The Catechism of the Catholic Church". I saw "Catholic for Dummies" but chose to forgo that option and get one that I’d truly have to concentrate on. I’ve been a Catholic Dummy long enough! I began reading and am still reading. I’m not yet at the point that I can argue anything but at least I’m a bit more informed with my faith. I still believe in my heart what I’ve always believed. That was a good feeling.

I found myself in church with a feeling that "this is where I belong". It’s a place I’ve always gone when I’m sad, hurt or feeling a little unsure of myself. To sit in the presence of the only being that truly knows me.

Now when questioned about why I believe and I don’t have all the answers, the best answer shall be:

"God just built me that way....."

Grandson's and bellybutton rings

2008-11-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

I've had the love of my grandson and daughter this weekend. I love the conversations that pop up randomly with a six year old but some conversations I would never anticipate.

We are sitting around talking about little things that lil ole grannies and 6 year olds talk about when he informs me that he and his friend Zack "talk".

Matthew pulls up my shirt a bit and checks out the belly button ring he has always been fascinated with since he was a baby. He then informs me that his friend Zack's mom has a belly button ring too . Apparently, Zack told Matthew of this fact, Matthew, not to be outdone, says "My nammy has a belly button ring too!"

I can see it now, two first graders, expounding upon loved ones belly button rings. Who'd a thunk it?

The Election

2008-11-05T18:12:00.000-08:00

I have often been asked my political views but being a person who prior to today, couldn't tell you the number of cabinet members, (10, thank you Dwayne for showing my ignorance!) I usually don't partake in voicing any views. However, after the election of President Elect Obama (I have to be respectful and give him his rightful title), and after hearing all the negative comments about his election, I must write this blog. I do have many opinions and usually keep them to myself because I am not one to thrust my feeble thoughts on others. I have, however, after much prayer, contemplation,and discernment in my Holy Hour, decided that what I have to say needs to be said.

As long as President Elect Obama does not interfere with my ability to tailgate this Saturday at the LSU vs Alabama game then I have no bone to pick with him! And! as long as he's the only Bama that wins this week, I will indeed be a happy American!

Dancing with Grandma Benite

2008-10-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

When I visit my grandmother in the nursing home, I always think I am going for her benefit, but it always ends up that it is my soul that benefits the most from visiting her. I often wonder why I do not go more often.

She is 97 now and imparts to me so much wisdom. She informed me today that she had a good life. You can see the pleasure of small things in her eyes. The memories of her dance. Literally.

I am so happy that I chose today to go visit. Her and I share the love of music and dance. The nursing home had a Cajun Band for entertainment and when I got there she was seated in her wheelchair enjoying the music. I sat down and she cried because she was so happy to have someone there to share the music with her. She asked me if I still went out and danced. I told her as much as I could but not as often as I'd like to. She looked at me with the most wistful of eyes saying "When we are young we dance and when we are old Pffft nothing!"

She wanted so badly to get out of her wheelchair and dance with me. All I could do was hold her hand and move it in rhythm with the music. Such pure joy in her eyes just to be able to experience that small consolation.

She looked at me and said "To be dancing in the arms of the man you love...I remember that!" She said that over and over throughout the songs, crying sometimes, I'm sure remembering some distant love. I looked around at all the old people in their wheelchairs and wondered what they were remembering.

Music seems to bring out the nostalgic parts of us all. Even I, who am young compared to their years, had many memories of dancing in the arms of loves. Such joy to be close to the one you love, moving in rhythm, enjoying the subtle displays of affection allowed on the dance floor. Beautiful.

I am blessed and I needed that little bit of heaven for my soul today, I assuredly always get it when I visit Grandma.

And some things do not pass...

2008-10-18T07:23:00.001-07:00

The quarter decided to remain deposited and a surgeon had to remove it so my grandson could see what president was on the face of it....

Accidently Swallowing Quarters

2008-10-14T10:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my darling grandson, Matthew, swallowed a quarter. Matthew is now 6 years old so swallowing a quarter to me would take a concentrated effort on his part and it couldn't be an "accident" because he consciously put the quarter in his mouth or so I thought. I spoke with him and asked him about this happening and the conversation went like this:

Me: Matthew, tell Nammy what happened today?

Matthew: Nammy, I accidently dropped a quarter in my mouth.

Me: (amused) Now Matthew, you are telling Nammy a story. There is no way you can "accidently" drop a quarter in your mouth! You put it in it your mouth and "accidently" swallowed it.

Matthew (insistingly): Nammy, I did accidently drop it!

Me: (unbelieving) Matthew, tell Nammy how that is possible?

Matthew: (convincingly) Nammy, I was holding the quarter up to see what President was on the quarter and it accidently fell in my mouth. I fell backwards and swallowed it. I tried to get it out but I couldn't.

Me: (laughing uncontrollably)

Why oh why do I ever doubt that child? I, who was so sure there was no way you could accidently drop a quarter in your mouth, was proven wrong by a six year old. I have come to the conclusion that as it is with God, it is with children, all things are possible!

And this too shall pass...

I am here

2008-10-09T18:08:00.001-07:00

It was a long hard road here but I made it! I put my hardhat on and went to work! The transfer left me with about 8 blogs by the time it was over and a little research taught me how to delete them all. Thanks to all my followers for making the journey with me. Some of you I had no clue you even read me and now I feel an obligation to give you some trivial nothing to read!

To the left you will see me at work. Okay, I don't actually work on a boat as this picture depicts. We had the privilege of touring our new boat that was launched yesterday. I would give anything to be the Captain of this Ship and I truly think I missed my calling! I'd have made a damn good Captain! Captain Sam...what ya think?

My new granddaughter

2008-09-23T12:44:00.000-07:00

I have a new red-headed granddaughter...here she is along with my grandson and daughter. Her name is Chloetilde. Isn't she adorable? My daughter now calls and sends pics of the damned dog instead of my grandson. I'm like "who cares?"

Squatting

2008-08-03T15:13:00.000-07:00

I am country! And I’m here to prove it!

In 2001, I was out on the town enjoying a few cold ones with a male friend. It was late and time for me to make the trip home which was 20 miles away. My male friend decided to walk me to my car. Prior to him deciding to walk me to the car, I had come to the conclusion that I could make it home without making one last pit stop to the dreaded public restroom. He walks me to the car and decides he needs to talk with me a little longer. As he’s talking, my bladder is filling but then he finally decides that all the convincing in the world wasn’t going to make me bring him home with me. I get on the road and I’m half way home when I realize there is no way in hell I’m going to make it home without relieving myself somewhere. It’s late at night and there’s no public place I feel safe enough to make a pit stop. I’m driving, with my legs squeezed as tightly together as you can while having one foot on the accelerator. I’m wiggling in my seat trying like the dickens to make it but at this point my teeth are floating and concentration is becoming a big problem. I’m right outside a little village called Maurice when I decided I can’t wait any longer. I do what any lady would do, I pull off to the side of the road, scope out the traffic, open the door, find a nice grassy spot and proceed to pull my jeans to my knees and squat. Relief is instant and no one is the wiser!

The following day I make a trip to the nursing home to visit my elderly grandmother. Had the same need to urinate and made use of the nursing home facilities. No problem, shouldn’t have been a big thing, right? Wrong! Stay with me here. I do have a point.

A week later, which was the week before Thanksgiving, I’m walking in New Orleans, with the same young gent who caused my bladder spasms, and I feel my left butt cheek irritated. The more I walk, the more my ass is chapped. My jeans rub against my left butt cheek and it’s very uncomfortable but I think that obviously something bit my ass while I squatted the week before. I think nothing of it and continue walking and drinking my Buffet Margaritas in New Orleans. Come Monday, I thought it would be all right, but it was a swelling like no body’s bidness! I thought I had a big rear before. Now it was a bit lopsided. Lumpy so to speak! I thought, okay, it’s a spider bite and will go away. Nadda, it was only getting worse. I’m what, we call in French, "tete du" hardheaded. Finally on Thanksgiving day, my jeans were no longer fitting and my shapeliness was getting shapeless. My family decides they are taking matters into their own hands and make me go to the hospital. I go to the emergency room thinking it’s a wasted trip and they will tell me to keep my happy ass off the side of the road from now on. (I did have to tell my story to the physician so he could make his best educated guess as to what was wrong) The physician decides that something had bit me but he does a culture just in case. He gives me some happy pills and antibiotics and sends my rear home.

Saturday morning arrives and I get a call from the hospital. I need to get my swollen, lopsided, unhappy ass there as soon as possible. Now I knew that it was bad because my body was producing things that should not have ever come out of any body but especially mine! I had never in my life seen anything close to what I was seeing butt I wasn’t really worried until they told me I had STAPH. I arrive at the hospital to be hooked up to IV’s and placed in a room that was sealed off and everything that left the room would leave in Orange Contaminated bags. I have never felt so ostracized in my whole life.

Would I ever squat on the side of the road again? You bet your happy ass I would....but I will NEVER pee in a nursing home again! It was the spider bite that left an open wound which allowed the Staph from the nursing home toilet to enter my body. It was the grossest thing that I’ve ever seen and public restrooms to this day cause flashbacks of something I never want to endure again!

A Fantasy Kiss

2008-07-18T17:10:00.000-07:00

This is my first attempt at writing something other than real life experiences. This is a vision I had driving home from work yesterday (okay you have to do something in 5 pm traffic!!) and decided to see if I could put it in writing. This is the result:

She was sitting on the wooden bench, a solitary soul, gazing upon the Vermillion hues of the sunset. The sun was moving just below the horizon, casting the last rays of the day upon her tanned skin. You could see a few years upon her face but she was quite content with herself and where she was in life, this was witnessed by her very relaxed and calm state of being. If you happened to be watching, perhaps you would think she was sleeping, but if you looked closely you would see the thoughts chasing across her face. A smile, a twinkle, and a bit of a smirk. Looking at her, made you wonder what was traipsing across her mind that made her smile so tantalizingly.

Perhaps she was dreaming of a kiss. A kiss from a handsome stranger. The kiss that she had always fantasized about. That one kiss that would erase all others. All of a sudden, her senses are peaked, she feels his dark presence before she sees it. She is scared to look. Her heart slows a few beats. Afraid that it will be nothing but her imagination playing tricks upon her once again, but no, when she looks up, she sees him. He is standing, with the sunset upon his skin, within touching distance and she looks at him with that, uncomprehending, slightly quizzical look. He smiles and nods as if he knows that she has been waiting for him. With fluid motion, he holds out his hand and she takes it with a knowing smile. He pulls her gently toward him but she resists slightly as she gazes upon his manly features. Her fingerstips follow her eyes over every feature of his dark face. She caresses his face in wonderment, as if she is scared by her mere touch he will disappear. She bites her lip in anticipation. Her fingertips touch his lips knowing that her lips would soon follow. She moves in closer and lightly touches her tongue to her own fingertips, teasing him with her hot breath upon his lips. He tries to pull her in even closer toward him but she stops him once again, letting him know with her eyes that he is allowed only to experience her and wrap his presence around her. She feels him tremble with unsatiated desire and she sees the telling emotions upon the shadowsof his face. As she moves a little closer she places her hands upon his chest. She feels the thunder of his heartbeat. She smiles the knowing smile of a woman, a woman who knows the effect she is having on him, but she teasingly prolongs that moment that will only happen once. The first kiss of lovers. Finally she looks up and lightly traces her tongue upon his lips and nibbles slightly on his bottom lip. Sucking ever so gently and playing chase with her tongue and the tips of her fingers on his lip. She teases and flirts with every slight breath upon his lips. He tries again to deepen the kiss...she resists by turning her head. She smiles broadly up at him, knowing it's almost time and takes his hand leading him toward the bench. His knees buckle from beneath him and his whole being melds into the bench....

She opens her eyes, notices the sun has finally fallen below the horizon, she turns slightly to look at him, and then she looks down at her empty hand and realizes he was merely the shadows of darkness dancing around her. She pulls herself up off of the bench and chases the shadow to her bedroom and watches it dance upon the wall.

Sharlene, July 2008

Bikini's and Confession

2008-07-05T18:42:00.000-07:00

Today I found myself in the confessional baring my heart out to our priest. I love that man! He always listens with an open mind and today I found myself laughing with him in the confessional. He has an awesome sense of humor that I love and respect to the utmost. When he first came to the parish, I was not too impressed with him because he tended to drone on and on without going anywhere. I stuck with him and as he droned on and on he continued to laugh at his own ramblings and tangents. I began to love them and find humor in them as well.

Today, there I was in the confessional with a dilemma, one I've always had because of my grandmother. As a young teen roaming the beaches, she thought that it was disgraceful to walk the beaches in a bikini or swimsuit of any kind. (She's the one who never bathed without her panties on) I grew up thinking that it was possibly not good to flaunt your body around. Of course, I didn't listen to my conscious and continued flaunting, but as I got older, I revisited that notion. This past weekend, by the pool in Dallas, I found myself in my bikini flaunting.

This is how my confession proceeded:

Me: In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit Amen

Me: Bless me Father for I have sinned, it's been a few months since my last confession. Father since my last confession I went to Dallas and missed Mass and wore a bikini. I flaunted my body and I'm sure I caused other men to have impure thoughts.

Father: <Silence>

Me: <chuckle> Father, I don't know if it's a sin to wear a bikini and bare my body for all to see but I'm here to find out. I've always wondered about that.

Priest: <Chuckle, Snicker, Laugh> "Depends on how you look in it!" (I lie, he didn't say that!)

Sharlene : <giggles nervously>

Priest: Well, I don't know either but the sin is in the eye of the beholder. Some will look at your body and see it as a Creation of God and others will see it with lust. You have no control over how it is seen. As long as you don't wear your bikini in church, I see nothing wrong with it. A bikini is as inappropriate in a church,

Sharlene : "as long johns are on the beach".

Priest: <laughs out loud> "yes"

Priest absolves me of all my sins and asked me to say the "Act of Contrition" which I never remember because of my nerves after confessing. He says that it is posted right there for me to see at which time I have to inform him that I'm almost 50, it's dark in there and I can't read it without my reading glasses. He laughs and says "and you were wearing a bikini??!"

Sharlene: <chuckle> Yes, Father, is that a sin now?

Priest: <chuckle> No, go in peace, your sins are absolved, God Bless!

Sharlene: <sigh of relief> God Bless you Father

To myself, I said wow! Destin here I come!! That was too cool and I left chuckling and giggling with such joy because it was like talking to a friend and sharing a secret. I had a spring in my step and a heart as light as air.

Every Picture Tells a Story

2008-06-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

In a nutshell:

Since we last met

I fell in love

Discovered black mold

And my love went untold.

Black mold

Raking my floors.

Up close and personal. Me and these knee pads were best friends.

The wonderful man who helped me...I will never be able to thank him enough! God put him in my life at the right time. He lost everything to Hurricane Katrina and had to rebuild...Hurricane Katrina left him with black mold so he was an authority on it.

God is Good!

Where I slept for weeks. (I had to do this with 3 rooms!)

The finished product! Worth all the work I put into it!

A happy camper now!

So there you have it....

Where have I been?

2008-06-10T17:51:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd stroll through J-Land and let everyone know what I've been doing.......

Isn't that pitiful?

2008-03-17T18:07:00.000-07:00

Matthew's "I miss my naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamy" look.

Bossier City 3/2/08

2008-03-03T19:57:00.000-08:00

I think you could all say I was a bit starstruck to have Keith Urban's arms around me! Oh yeah! and my arms around him!!

L I F E

2008-02-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

In this day and age it's so easy to lose hope. Somehow I always seem to dig deep within myself and realize God's promises belong to me too. Although life seems to send extreme highs and crushing blows all in the span of a few days, I always find it within myself to realize God's promises in all my highs and b(lows). I am thankful for life itself and what it has to offer me. Tomorrow is a mystery and one I will embrace with all it's worth. Yesterday gives me the strength to endure tomorrow. The future holds all the promises that yesterday had but living in the present is what counts. Therefore today is what matters.

Sharlene

2008

Happy New Year

2007-12-31T18:10:00.000-08:00

I wish everyone a Joyous and Happy New Year. May God reign down his blessings on you and your family. May you all see the beauty within yourself and smile for all the world to see that, indeed, you are good!

Drunk Driving

2007-11-27T13:19:00.000-08:00

I kind of got hit by a drunk driver who ran a red light yesterday. I walked away...Thank you God!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

2007-10-28T14:00:00.000-07:00

My birthday Halloween Party celebration with my favorite people.

My 30 year class reunion.

2007-10-05T18:38:00.000-07:00

I danced my feet off until 5 a.m. in the morning! I'm good for another 5 years.

30 year class reunion

2007-09-27T18:40:00.000-07:00

Just stopping in to show you guys the outfit I am wearing for my 30 year class reunion this weekend. Spent a lot of time searching for just the right one. Whoosh, found it just in time!!

The game

2007-09-17T18:42:00.000-07:00

Proof that we did go to the game and we didn't just tailgate:

LSU vs Middle Tennessee

2007-09-16T15:08:00.000-07:00

I think I remember having fun!

My Angel

2007-09-16T13:33:00.000-07:00

My angel, Matthew, started Cathecism (Sunday School Classes) today. He knows it's a place where he is going to learn about Jesus so this morning he was all concerned and asked his mom:

"Mom, the teacher isn't going to be mad if I don't know anything about Jesus?"

Adorable!

Tailgating here I come!!

2007-09-14T18:19:00.000-07:00

L S U

BOUND

TOMORROW

GEAUX TIGERS!!

Take Me There

2007-09-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

This song by Rascal Flatts is a song depicting what I believe is what it means to truly want to know someone from the heart inside out.

There's a place in your heart nobody's been
Take me there
Things nobody knows, not even your friends
Take me there

Tell me 'bout your mama, your daddy, your hometown, show me around
I wanna see it all, don't leave anything out

I wanna know everything about you then
And I wanna go down every road you've been
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live
Where you keep the rest of your life hid
I wanna know the girl behind that pretty stare
Take me there

Your first real kiss, your first true love
You were scared, show me where
You learned about life, spent your summer nights
Without a care

I wanna roll down Main Street, the back roads
Like you did when you were a kid
What made you who you are
Tell me what your story is

I wanna know everything about you then
And I wanna go down every road you've been
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live
Where you keep the rest of your life hid
I wanna know the girl behind that pretty stare
Take me there

Yeah, I wanna know everything about you
Yeah, everything about you baby
I wanna go down every road you've been
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live
Where you keep the rest of your life hid
I wanna know the girl behind that pretty stare
Take me, take me, take me there

I wanna roll down Main Street
I wanna know your hopes and your dreams
Take me, take me there

my black grandbaby

2007-09-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

What the hell is wrong with my daughter sending me pics of this?? Where's the love of my life?? This is Simon the Lab, my black beauty.

Something we all need to hear!

2007-09-09T18:05:00.000-07:00

Shoes in church

I showered and shaved............. I adjusted my tie.

I got there and sat............ In a pew just in time.

Bowing my head in prayer......... As I closed my eyes.

I saw the shoe of the man next to me..... Touching my own. I sighed.

With plenty of room on either side...... I thought, "Why must our soles touch?"

It bothered me, his shoe touching mine... But it didn't bother him much.

A prayer began: "Our Father"..... ........ I thought, "This man with the shoes... has no pride.

They're dusty, worn, and scratched. Even worse, there are holes on the side!"

"Thank You for blessings," the prayer went on.

The shoe man said............... a quiet "Amen."

I tried to focus on the prayer....... But my thoughts were on his shoes again.

Aren't we supposed to look our best... When walking through that door?

"Well, this certainly isn't it," I thought, Glancing toward the floor.

Then the prayer was ended............ And the songs of praise began.

The shoe man was certainly loud...... Sounding proud as he sang.

His voice lifted the rafters......... His hands were raised high.

The Lord could surely hear.. The shoe man's voice from the sky.

It was time fo r the offering....... And what I threw in was steep.

I watched as the shoe man reached.... Into his pockets so deep.

I saw what was pulled out.......... What the shoe man put in.

Then I heard a soft "clink" as when silver hits tin.

The sermon really bored me.......... To tears, and that's no lie.

It was the same for the shoe man... For tears fell from his eyes.

At the end of the service...... As is the custom here.

We must greet new visitors.. And show them all good cheer.

But I felt moved somehow............. And wanted to meet the shoe man.

So after the closing prayer........ I reached over and shook his hand.

He was old and his skin was dark..... And his hair was truly a mess.

But I thanked him for coming......... For being our guest

He said, "My names' Charlie.......... I'm glad to meet you, my friend."

There were tears in his eyes....... But he had a large, wide grin.

"Let me explain," he said......... Wiping tears from his eyes.

"I've been coming here for months.... And you're the first to say 'Hi.'"

"I know that my appearance........."Isnot like all the rest.

"But I really do try................." To always look my best."

"I always clean and polish my shoes.."Before my very long walk.

"But by the time I get here......... "They're dirty and dusty, like chalk."

My heart filled with pain............ and I swallowed to hide my tears.

As he continued to apologize......... For daring to sit so near.

He said, "When I get here..........."I know I must look a sight.

"But I thought if I could touch you.."Then maybe our souls might unite."

I was silent for a moment............ Knowing whatever was said

Would pale in comparison... I spoke from my heart, not my head.

"Oh, you've touched me," I said......"And taught me, in part;

"That the best of any man............"Is what is found in his heart."

The rest, I thought,................ This shoe man will never know.

Like just how thankful I really am... That his dirty old shoe touched my soul.

You are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.

I respect you, and truly cherish you.

Send this to your friends,

No matter how often you talk,

Or how close you are, And send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend.

Someday you might feel like you have no friends at all.
Just remember this e-mail (journal entry)and take comfort in knowing that

someone out there cares about you..... and always will.

Geaux Tigers!

2007-09-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

Hush Little Baby

2007-08-23T19:37:00.000-07:00

I have always been lyrically challenged so when my daughter was a baby and I'd sing to her, I'd have to make up the words to the song because I did not know the lyrics. There was one song "Hush Little Baby" that I sang to her using most of my own made up words.

When Matthew, my grandson, was born, I continued singing the same song to him adding the very last verse just for him. This song states everything (as in the original song) that Nammy is gonna buy for her dear boy. Singing it to Brandi for many years, she never and I mean never asked me for any of the things that I was singing about, but Matthew a few weeks ago innocently asked "Nammy, when are you going to buy me all those things in that song?" At this point, after having read the original song, I was sincerely glad that I never knew the words because I would not have been able to do what I did for Matthew this past weekend for his 5th birthday. I will show you with pictures:

I had to give the diamond ring to his mom because boys don't wear diamond rings plus she deserved some of the gifts after all the years I sang it to her!

Ummm...boys don't wear dresses either so guess who got the dress?

Brought him to a Safari (pics follow)

(I didn't get a pic of this but it was a heart with the words "All Nammy's Love" written on it along with a picture of me hugging him)

The Safari Pics:

This was an 11 month old Kangaroo named Jack that was in a play pen with a diaper on. They were able to hold it. Talk about excited!

My own little Daniel Cook!

What a birthday Nammy!!

My little Angel

2007-08-22T16:24:00.000-07:00

My grandson, Matthew, started kindergarten today. Brandi says he marched into the classroom like a professional student and never looked back. She, of course, called me, crying like a baby saying her son had no qualms about leaving the nest.

She picked him up at 3 pm and called me. I was anxious to hear about his day. He gets on the phone and this is our conversation:

Matthew: Nammy, I only want to tell you one thing. (this is his way of saying he's not in the mood to talk)

Me: What? (I know what's coming)

Matthew: I love you.

Me: But, Matthew, how was your first day of school?

Matthew: Nammy, too much happened for me to tell you everything.

Me: Matthew, at least tell me one thing you did at school today?

Matthew: We played on the playground.

Me: Matthew, did you make any new friends?

Matthew (exasperated) Nammy! I haven't decided who my best friend is going to be because I don't know all their names yet. You wanna talk to momma?

Brandi: He's finished with that.

He wouldn't tell her much either and here we were waiting all day to hear his excitement. Kids!

Love

2007-08-19T18:29:00.000-07:00

Love is sufficient of itself; it gives pleasure by itself and because of itself. It is its own merit, its own reward. Love looks for no cause outside itself, no effect beyond itself. Its profit lies in the practice.

- Saint Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153)

Elvis

2007-08-12T20:31:00.000-07:00

This coming week marks the 30th anniversary of Elvis' death. The man was such a big idol of mine. I was watching his 1968 comeback special tonight and damn! that was a beautiful man! To this day, I don't think anyone compares to his beauty. He sang one of my favorite songs and I found myself crying as he sang it with such emotion. It brought back many memories of my own. I think we can all identify with this song in one way or another.

Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind
Memories, sweetened thru the ages just like wine

Quiet thought come floating down
And settle softly to the ground
Like golden autumn leaves around my feet
I touched them and they burst apart with sweet memories,
Sweet memories

Of holding hands and red bouquets
And twilight trimmed in purple haze
And laughing eyes and simple ways
And quiet nights and gentle days with you

Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind
Memories, sweetened thru the ages just like wine,
Memories, memories, sweet memories

Matthew's Birthday Party

2007-08-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

Pics of Matthew's 5th Birthday Party although he doesn't turn 5 until August 18th his party was this weekend. The lucky lil man will have another party on his actual birthdate. It's nice when you live far far away from family.

I will share with you a whole new perspective he gave me this weekend. I bought a pair of pants that I planned to wear to his party but I was telling him after I took them off:

"Nammy will have to return these pants because they are way too big!"

He said "No, Nammy, those pants aren't too big, you are too small!"

Ah! What an angel!

The cake was made by his other "Nana". Brandi's stepmom. She bakes cakes and does a wonderful job with them. Not only are they pretty, they taste delicious. I, being the pig that I am, had to have a piece of each cake. One was filled with raspberry, the other raspberry/chocolate and one was chocolate.

Matthew's other siblings...Michael and Mckenzie. He also has a brother named Francis who he has never met. His father is a busy man!

Nana the baker of the cake. Matthew was out of wind by the time he blew out candles on three cakes.

The pinata'...do you think they hung it high enough in the tree?

Oh boy! Finally! Presents!

Ooh boy! See the glow in my eyes? More presents!

Tags: birthday parties, cakes, and a pinata

Derren

2007-07-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

I have a friend named Derren who is quite a bit (10 years younger than I). We met through Match.com. He is one of the better experiences I've had with the service. He loves to dance as much as I do and we find ourselves out dancing together and pretty much enjoying life. Weeks may go by without us speaking but he always calls to check on me to see how I am doing. He suffers from depression and anxiety. He has every reason to and sometimes I feel that I don't have cause at all after hearing his story which I will share with you.

When I first met Derren, he told me that he was a West Point graduate in Marine Engineering. I was very impressed with this but some things didn't add up. He appeared to be challenged in many areas. He spoke slowly and sometimes I'd start talking when I thought he was finished speaking and he'd say "Sharlene! I wasn't finished!" and I'd say "Well, Derren, you were silent for 20 minutes so I thought you were finished!" We laughed about this later when he told me his story.

He had a wonderful promising career ahead of him when he fell 30 feet to a concrete slab while working in Metairie Louisiana. He even laughs and says as he was falling all he remembers thinking is "Shit, this is going to hurt!". He was fortunate to be near a city with one of the best doctors for the trauma he endured. He was in a coma for two weeks. He fell on the right side which caused some hearing loss. I joke with him about having to walk on his left side so he can hear me and I know he's not interested in what I am saying when he makes me get on his right side.

There was not a part of his body unbroken but he survived and had to relearn everything he ever knew. Simple things like learning what a spoon or fork was. He knew nothing. His social skills are limited but he is adorable. Socially, he is 10 years old and this gets him in trouble with the women because he tends to do what 10 year olds do when they like someone. Hounds them and makes a nuisance of himself. He did this with me at first but him and I have become such good friends that I know how to tell him when enough is enough. The greatest thing about him is his heart. It's so full of love that you can see it wanting to burst.

Derren went back to college and learned a new trade because engineering was too much of a challenge for him after his accident. He accepts all of this but he gets depressed a lot because he had a lot of mental trauma from his accident. He is always seeking to improve himself and he is truly an inspiration to me.

Derren always seems to sense when I am down and chooses that opportunity to call me. Hecalled me last night with a new program he has found on depression and anxiety. He is going to share it with me since he knows I can't afford to buy it. This morning I got my first email from him summarizing some of the points he has learned. He is such a sweetie!

Here is his email to me and he actually typed the whole thing for me:

Some of what I'm reading with that program.

Midwest Center

Week 1. flash cards
I can’t change the past.
I can change my attitude.
I can change my present.
This condition is temporary.
Knowledge is power.
I am intelligent, creative and capable.
I am open to learning new skills.
I am proud of myself for the changes I am making this week.
It is just anxiety.

I can’t control the wind, but I can control my sails.

1. Notice personality traits that encourage anxiety.
2. Begin to appreciate the positive side of our personality.
3. You can change the way you think.
4. Begin making behavior changes.
5. Begin journaling.
6. Slow down in all ways.
7. Begin an exercise routine and reduce caffeine.
8. Recovery is a gradual PROCESS.
9. Use relaxation audio session three times daily.
10. Listen to your inner dialogue. Respectful? Kind?

Your history does not have to be your future.

Some things I underlined

There are certain inner traits that seem to smooth the path of happiness. People with high self-esteem tend to be happy people. Second, if one feels in control of ones' life, one is much more likely to be contented. Having an optimistic view of life is essential to feeling happy. Positive people draw positives into there lives; the opposite is also true. "happines is an inside job"
I have heard it suggested that "acting as if" is a great strategy; I firmly believe this.

Research proves that a smile can change our brain chemistry. A smile encourages the production of endorphins, which leads to a feeling of overall well-being. We have more control than we realize: we can change our state of mind. Of course, I am not suggesting that we deny our feelings. I am encouraging you to take charge, know your power and not get stuck.

summarizing: laughter is a painkiller. laughter is great for us. Also love of people. If you find your fellow man/woman interesting and basically enjoy being around others, lead a socially involved life, are outgoing, with a diverse group of friends, you would probably classify yourself as happy.

so: Smile and laugh often. it's very good for me. Be optimistic.

__ That is part of the program. The fact that WE/ I control my feelings, not someone else is powerful. I know this and it doesn't mean much when I'm down cause I can't control the emotions. But when I start to feel better and get control of my emotions, it helps to get more control. That's what's on my mind now. I went take a walk this morning.
Also, things are slow at work today. Maybe we can do a late lunch. I'll buy. If not, we'll shoot for next time.
Derren

God's Best

2007-07-26T16:33:00.000-07:00

Like Grandma Like Grandson

My two grandchildren (from different fathers) Matthew and Simon

and a totally unrelated subject below:

AND THEN THEY ARE THOSE OF US LOOKING FOR GOD'S VERY BEST

Everyone longs to give himself to another human being: to have a deep soul relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says to the Christian, no, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content being loved by me alone. I love you my child. Until you discover that only through me lies your satisfaction, you will be capable of the perfect human relationship I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else. Exclusive of any desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you. You must keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of what I am; keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Do not be anxious. Do not look around at the things others have gotten or received from me. You must keep looking off and away. Look up to me, or you'll miss the things I want to show you and then when you are ready, I'll surprise you with love far more wonderful than you would ever have dreamed. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready I am working even this very minute to have you both ready at the same time until you are both living exclusively for ME and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that reflects your relationship with me, PERFECT LOVE. I love you utterly. Believe and be satisfied! AMEN

NO SHAME

2007-07-15T13:35:00.000-07:00

Check out this video: You are my sunshine

I was looking through my videos of Matthew and here is one of Matthew and I singing "You are my Sunshine". For some reason, he always used this guttural tone when he sang this tune. Disregard my singing, I was just talking him through the words.

I love Elvis

2007-07-10T18:54:00.000-07:00

Memphis and Beale Street.

We had the best time. We saw Keith Urban and Graceland....all in the same weekend! Can't get better than that!

Kids!

2007-07-03T19:08:00.000-07:00

I now know why I only had one child.

I have my lovely grandson with me and it's that bloody time of the month. My grandson decides that he desperately needs to see water flow through the tube of my last roll of toilet paper.

The lil shit is sleeping now and he looks so angelic that I can't possibly be upset with him.

Below is another photography masterpiece of his.

My little man

2007-06-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

My little man left me last night after a week of being here. I will miss him terribly but I was happy to have him for as long as I did. He left me with his brilliance as a photographer. I will share with you some of the pictures he took with my digital camera:

A few self portraits:

My Kitchen Floor

Drumsticks

A coaster

A doorknob

My bedspread

And just in case we forget he's a typical male:

Matthew

2007-06-10T19:10:00.000-07:00

I come to you with pictures of my favorite little man. He is here for the week. Can you all say heaven?? He's having the dinner of champions....spaghettios. Engrossed with Dora the Explora. I know the little witch has subliminal messages going out to him...saying "buy more Dora". It's a conspiracy. Look the evil coming from the Television.

ABC's

2007-05-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

A-Available or Single? hmmmm... I'm kinda a little of both.

B-Best Friend: No one wants to be my friend

C-Cake or Pie: Key Lime Pie

D-Drink of Choice: Coca Cola and Corona

E-Essential Item(s): cell phone & computer

F- Favorite Colour(s): RED

G- Gummy Bears or Worms? Gummy Worms

H- Hometown: Abbeville Louisiana

I- Indulgence: Sleeping late on weekends

J- January or February: February

K- Kids: 1 daughter (25) and one grandson (4)

L- Life is incomplete without: Love & God, which is one in the same!

M- Marriage Date: Which one?

N- Number of Siblings: two brothers

O- Oranges or Apples? oranges

P- Phobias/Fears: Dying while being in mortal sin.

Q- Favorite Quote: Your opinion of me is none of my business! ....

R- Reasons to smile: I woke up this morning.

S- Season: Spring/summer

T- Tag Three: Anyone who wants to participate

U- Unknown Fact about Me: I sleep with my eyes closed.

V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? I'm oppressed.

W- Worst Habit(s): Laziness

X – X-rays or Ultrasounds?: X Rays

Y- Your Favorite Foods: Salad, Tuna (fresh), Crab and Shrimp, and anything Mexican.

Z- Zodiac: Scorpio the Scorpion

Mike the Tiger

2007-05-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

BATON ROUGE -- The reign of Mike V, LSU’s beloved mascot who died early Friday morning, will be remembered as one of the most glorious periods in the history of LSU athletics.

Mike V, who moved into a new home on Aug. 27, 2005, served as the official mascot of LSU Athletics from 1990 until his death Friday.

The royal Bengal tiger was born on Oct. 18, 1989, and first moved into his home across from Tiger Stadium on April 30, 1990.

Mike actually attended his first sporting event on February 21, 1990, when he was introduced to a roaring crowd at the Pete Maravich Assembly Center for a men’s basketball game. The Tigers beat Alabama that day, 75-69, in Shaquille O’Neal’s freshman year.

“Mike V was a noble mascot who was loved by Tiger fans young and old, and he represented all that is proud and dignified about LSU,” said LSU athletic director Skip Bertman. “Mike has reigned over a magnificent era of Tiger Athletics and he is missed today by LSU fans the world over.”

During his tenure, Mike V reigned over a football national championship, five baseball national championships and a remarkable 23 track and field championships. He saw LSU sports teams win 37 Southeastern Conference titles from 1990 to 2007.

Mike V succeeded Mike IV who served as LSU’s mascot from 1976-90.

Mike the Tiger Through the Years

Mascot	Reign	Notes
Mike I	1936 - 57	Named for Athletic Trainer Mike Chambers
Mike II	1957 - 58	Born at Audubon Park Zoo in New Orleans
Mike III	1958 - 75	$1,500 donated by student body to purchase from Seattle Zoo
MIke IV	1976 - 90	Only "Mike" to retire prior to death; Died in March of 1995
Mike V	1990 - 2007	Moved into new habitat between Tiger Stadium and PMAC in August of 2005

just when you think you know it all

2007-05-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

I was going to put a nude shot...oh well...lucky for you guys...I'm a little on the blonde side and can't figure this out.

Dunno

2007-05-16T19:54:00.000-07:00

How in the hell do you add pictures now?

A lovely Mother's Day!

2007-05-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

Do families still dress up like this for a Sunday Mass? My mother sent this picture via email to me this morning. I had almost forgotten how dressed up we were every Sunday. We looked like the perfect happy family and to some extent I believe we were. Some memories were not so wonderful but having seen this picture, I can almost believe there were no bad memories.

This indeed was the perfect Mother's Day gift from my mother and not only is it Mother's Day but her 70th birthday. Happy Birthday Mom!

Also, now you guys know I was once young. Here is proof! Judging from my brothers ages, I must have been about 9 in this picture.

PS Jimmy check out my boots!!

A tad bit of fibbing.

2007-04-24T19:21:00.000-07:00

Thank you guys for indulging me in my little fantasy. My new friend is not a gay monk. Surprised?

Mesmerized #2

2007-04-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

FYI

The monk is no longer gay.

Mesmorized

2007-04-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

I have met and fallen for a Shaolin Temple gay monk that is why I have not had time to keep in touch with you guys. As soon as I have a spare moment, I will tell you about this momentous happening.

Just saying hello

2007-04-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

Hell-o

2007-04-03T19:14:00.000-07:00

hello hello hello hello hello IS ANYONE OUT THERE?

A reminder

2007-03-08T10:29:00.000-08:00

Jimmy go make your bed!

Ask and you shall receive!

2007-03-07T16:17:00.000-08:00

Be careful what you ask for because you may just get it!

I wasn’t going to write about this but then I felt the need to put it into writing because that usually helps me come to grips with what is going on in my mind.

I kept asking the question "why"? Why Lord, after two years, am I still stuck in the pain of a past relationship? Prior to this, I would tend to banish a relationship without as much pain and move on to the next. Not this time! In the past two years, I have come up with some pretty good reasons why I am suffering still.

I thought to myself, that for once, I must have really loved someone enough to keep the fire burning in my heart for this long. Another thought was that it was my third (marriage)failure and I was possibly taking it harder than prior relationships. Maybe I was getting older and wiser with the realization that some things you have to work at and they just don’t come as easily as you expect them to. With these and many more rationalizations, I still had not, within my heart, truly believed that I had hit upon the true reasons of my hurt and pain continuing.

Tomorrow marks the day that the final divorce papers were filed. I think, now after two years, and another meeting with my ex, I have found the answer to the question "why?"

When I first left my husband, I knew that it would be the hardest thing that either one of us would have to endure. I knew that I had caused a lot of hurt and pain in the relationship and I knew that it was me that didn’t want the relationship to work. I was the one who had given up because I didn’t want to fight for it any longer. I used all my past hurts and angers to ruin what could have been something good, but it’s over and I know that it was meant to be over. God had other plans for both of us. I trust that.

Here is the conversation I had with God on my way home from work Monday afternoon. It was very short and sweet but revealing.

"God! Why? Why? Why?"

Clear as a bell I heard the Good Lord say to me "Sharlene? Do you remember when you first left Scott, what you asked me?"

"Refresh my memory Lord, I’m getting old here!"

"Well, my dear, when you left Scott and you realized the pain you had caused, you asked me to give you all of his hurt and pain along with yours."

"Yes, Lord, I sure did, didn’t I?"

Right then and there I knew without a doubt. Everything fell into place and when Scott entered my life again for a brief time, I wondered "why?" and then the answer was again revealed to me by God:

"Because, Sharlene, I had to show you that he was fine and you could quit carrying his hurt and pain."

So it had nothing to do with love or failures. It had to do with getting what I asked for so I am here to tell you be careful what you ask God for and when you ask make damned sure you want it!

I know I have grown through this experience and that is what counts most of all!

Simply Random Rantings

2007-02-26T19:08:00.000-08:00

<<<<notice the resemblance?

**********************

Yesterday was the first Sunday of Lent and I realized I hadn't thought about what I would give up so I decided today that I would use a little reverse pyschology on the Good Lord. I'm giving up men for Lent. Notice how he always decides to tempt you when you decide to give up something?Looks like I'm going to have one hellava Lent!

********************************

Speaking of men, I had a visit from my plumber today. Seems I sprung a leak which caused major damage to my floors. All that news and I didn't even get a glimpse of his crack. Maybe the adjuster won't adjust his pants when he comes to view the damage?

*********************************

We hired another girl in the accounting department last Monday. Friday she quit. I'm beginning to think I carry with me a foul odor.

*********************************

Today I got my new glasses. I put them on and they made me plumb drunk. It seems everything is leaning to the left. Everything is off kilter in my house. My table is 3 inches shorter on the left side than on the right. I took my glasses off to make sure the house wasn't sinking into the ground from the pipes leaking.

********************************

Yes, I had a few glasses of wine. My utility bill was over $600.00 because of the leakage and the leakage was the hot water and that caused my gas bill to be gasternomically high. I've never had that much gas in my life. I felt really bloated when I saw it. We won't even mention the price of the sewer bill.

**********************************

Do you think I was carrying that odor to work?

**********************************

All in All I think it's been a good Monday. What do you think?

U S S New York

2007-02-25T16:42:00.000-08:00

USS New York

It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center .

It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft.

Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite LA to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds on Sept. 9, 2003, "those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence," recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. "It was a spiritual moment for everybody there."

Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and the "hair on my neck stood up." "It had a big meaning to it for all of us," he said. "They knocked us down. They can't keep us down. We're going to be back."

The ship's motto? "Never Forget"
Please keep this going so everyone can see what we are made of in this country!

Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T03:58:00.000-08:00

I'm here to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day!

I was thinking that I would be spending Valentine's Day alone until I realized that today is Wednesday and I have my Holy Hour tonight so I will be spending it with the Good Lord. Wow! The Ulti-Mate! As I was smiling on this thought, I realized the book I just started reading is entitled "A woman after God's own heart" by Elizabeth George. Coincidence? I doubt it!

For those of you out there that have a Valentine, treat them well and with love and respect.

For those of you who are having troubling times in your relationship spend today looking for the positive instead of the negative. You might just rekindle that spark.

For those of you who can't seem to find anything positive in the relationship that you are in maybe Valentine's Day should be the day for you to love yourself by hitting the road.

For those of you who don't give a flying flip about Valentine's Day.... ^5

Here's a little something to occupy your thoughts until it does mean something:

SOUL MATES

I waited a lifetime to find you my soul mate and for a brief moment
YOUR thoughts were MY thoughts.
MY goals were YOUR goals.
YOUR dreams were MY dreams.
The love was grand, the passion unrivaled
and we both finally felt complete.

Sadly, for both of us, until we put in enough time on this planet....we may never understand the value of what was cast aside.
"Experience is the greatest teacher of all..."

Maybe...my love we will get it right next lifetime.

When we are born it begins a journey.
Along the way on this long winding path we eventually end up seeking many things. One of which is love. In the beginning, it is from our Mother and Father, then our family, community and so on. Eventually, assuming everything goes right, we begin to find we have a void within us, which other forms of love can't seem to fill.

We have all known loneliness, a dark emptiness within our soul which seems to stretch for an eternity. We feel like we are a part of nothing, just drifting aimlessly upon the sea of humanity with no destination, nor land in sight. At times despair is like our wet clothing as we shiver cold and alone in the darkness. To distract ourselves we dream of "The One" and how they will lift our spirits and take away the emptiness, this absence of life.

For some, eventually someone comes along and brings light to this darkness. But as humans, sometimes we are by this time so starved to be "touched" that we unknowingly make compromises which if we were rational we would not. We may never find our true predestined love.

Many of us now, are not in a "Soulmate" relationship. The truth is you got tired of waiting and you settled for the best "offer" at the time. This was your choice, and now is your Karma. But in your heart, in your soul you know if someone is your Soulmate, for it goes beyond just love. It is a form of joining.

When you meet your (SM) this person will have an instantaneous effect on you. A Soulmate is someone who makes your knees go weak and you want to catch your breath. With but a single glance they lesson your burden and with but a smile, warms your heart. You will feel a sense of connection (affinity) with this person. They will touch you so deeply on so many levels, you will want to share your inner most secrets. For the first time in your life someone will make you feel almost like a god. Once you have met your (SM) for better or sometimes worse, your life will never be the same.

One of the things which makes this experience unique is the sense of a meaningful spiritual experience. You both feel like this is to be and that you've been together before in a past incarnation. Normally for some, it is several months, weeks or days before physical intimacy (sex) occurs. But when you meet your (SM) something happens, the pull or drive to become physically intimate overwhelms many, and one finds it happening basically in the initial meeting. There's a sense of safety with this person. You knowingly let go of your defenses as an empathic like bond is formed. Unlike other relationships, in the past, there will be no game playing or hidden agendas which plagued you in the past.

Sometimes the best way to find something, is by not looking for it. With this in mind, you probably will meet your Soulmate when you're not looking. Since life revels in making things difficult, you'll probably meet them in the morning when you are on the grave yard shift. For many it will be after a bad relationship or several bad relationships. If you're lucky you won't have to wait until you are 50 to meet your (SM). But if you do, well at least you'll appreciate it's significance more than someone in there twenties. You have had the benefit of experience, the perspective of age and the knowledge, such love is once in a life time.

The point here is "Serendipity", so forget about taking that "Singles" bus tour to the circus. Sure you'll meet a lot of nice people and perhaps you really should get out, but just be prepared to .....well, meet some real clowns.

The universe is a funny place, don't be surprised if your Soulmate is older or younger. Soulmate's don't care about age. How much older or younger? From observations, expect years like 7 to 20. In a true (SM) relationship it won't matter, if anything it will make you stronger. Life is not neat, nor has it ever been. So why should it start now?

There is something about the Passion you share with an (SM). It goes beyond just "body parts". For a moment in time you two are the only ones who exist in the universe. Hearts beating in rhythm as your souls have intertwined themselves becoming one. Your personal energies meld and you feel the flame of creation move through you like a wave of the ocean on hot summers day. Soon you begin to lose track of where you begin and your (SM) will know how and where to touch you. It will be different, intense and more gratifying than lovers of your past.

They will look into your eyes and you will feel your soul open wide. For some people, there is the "Rush". All the love, all the lust, all the need will surge forth from your soul like captives from a prison. At this moment you will know what it means to get lost within someone's eyes. You will experience a touch you have never felt before and your lust will rise to new levels. Often, in the case of true Soulmates, you can get so carried away you can actually hurt yourself. (I know she caused me to pull several muscles one night) But in the end as you lay there, as the warm afterglow begins to fade, you will realize what just happened was not sex. "Sex, simply doesn't feel this good."

To put it simply, your (SM) will be able to make love to you in ways no one else will be able to match.

It is within our nature as human beings to fuck things up. The very thing which makes Soulmate's love so special, is also the one thing which can bring it down. The simple fact is, the unparalleled love and passion is terrifying to many people.

We learned how to have relationships from our parents or primary caregiver. If your primary caregivers relationships were dysfunctional, then chances are so are yours. There are many people in this world who in relationships maintain an extreme amount of emotional control. They take pride in the fact their partner is madly in love with them. By being able to "wrap them around their finger" they feel safer. Thus, all their relationships become based on this pattern. Then one day their (SM) comes along and wham! Quickly they discover the control over their heart and the relationship is gone. Now they must relate on a level playing field and for many they run.

For those who are runners let me tell you what you already know, it doesn't work! You can move to the other side of the planet, marry someone else and fill your spare time up with some cause, but the simple truth is, your (SM) will be there in your soul. No matter how hard you try, no matter how busy you make yourself, everyday they will enter your thoughts. So many try to fuck them out, but that doesn't work either, for it becomes just sex and as you lay there afterwards you will feel empty and cheated.

A good measure of this, is a simple test. After you have just made love with the person who you are using as a safe substitute, do you find yourself wanting to "get away" from them? A kind of "ok...I got off, now get away from me feeling..." This is of course if you can still get off. In some cases your orgasms are just barely, if you are lucky. When you were with your (SM) didn't you feel the need to remain close, to pull each other tightly and melt into each other? That's the difference and one which is very hard to hide from yourself.

If you run you make the conscious choice to doom yourself and the other person to be haunted for the rest of your lives. Sure, eventually you may fall in love with someone who fits your preconceived image or expectation (cute, rich or successful) of what your partner should be. But as time moves on you never forget. You always wonder.

The Soulmate relationship is worth putting up a fight, but there comes a time when you have done all you can and you can do no more. At some point the one who runs has to choose to stop and come to their senses. Life sadly is cruel, just as it is grand. Short of burying your child, losing your Soulmate is indescribable anguish.

It is like having half of your tender soul ripped from your body. You feel lost, abandoned and betrayed. There's a sense of panic which permeates your very being and personal existence. You find yourself saying "never again". You did something you never had done before, you willingly let another in, all the way.

Eventually, after the shock, the depression comes, then the anger and you just want it to end. You wish you could just stop feeling but you can't, and no matter how much you drink, smoke or snort you can't make the pain go away. Yes, regular love hurts too and badly. But when you lose a Soulmate, no matter how enlightened, wise, talented or strong in both will and spirit you are; it is devastating.

Many of us sadly, fail to recover and we never truly "love" again. Those who are really weak try to kill themselves. Be it with a car speeding on a wet winding road after drinking or "J" walking on 42nd St., to just taking one too many pills. The end result is the same if we succeed, suicide is suicide whether you leave a note or not.

In the end, we don't want to even see the person, because that just tears open the wound over and over. Right or wrong, that's just the way it is. Eventually, you go on with your life and you stop hating them because like you.....they never forget either.

Sometimes life gives us a happy ending. Sometimes, after trying to get their Soulmate out of their minds, the "runner" comes to realize what they had lost. A few are wise enough to do whatever it takes to correct the situation and get back into their Soulmates arms. Hopefully, not enough time has gone by that the situation is salvageable. But often times it is not. All I can say is TRY. With Soulmates there is NO pride, and there CAN be forgiveness. We are destined to meet our Soulmates, what you do after is "your" choice.

We are born into this world alone and we begin our journey. If we are lucky we find the right partner. "THE ONE" along the way. With this person we grow, learn and experience the wonders of human existence. They become a part of us, as we become a part of them. Eventually, our journey must end and as we are born we die, alone. But in between those two points we hopefully have learned, experienced and gained some wisdom with the chance.

"A person who risks nothing...Loves nothing. Therefore; anything worth my love is worth a fight" -Magic-

AND THEN THEY ARE THOSE OF US LOOKING FOR GOD'S VERY BEST

Everyone longs to give himself to another human being:
to have a deep soul relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God says to the Christian, no, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content being loved by me alone.
I love you my child. Until you discover that only through me lies your satisfaction, you will be capable of the perfect human relationship
I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan, one that you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you.
You must keep watching me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction of what I am; keep learning and listening to the things I tell you.
You must wait. Do not be anxious.
Do not look around at the things others have gotten or received from me.
You must keep looking off and away.
Look up to me, or you'll miss the things I want to show you and then when you are ready,
I'll surprise you with love far more wonderful than you would ever have dreamed.
You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready
I am working even this very minute to have you both ready at the same time until you are both living exclusively for ME and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that reflects your relationship with me, PERFECT LOVE.
I love you utterly.
Believe and be satisfied!

AMEN

Marriage

2007-02-12T16:39:00.000-08:00

Now I understand why all three of my marriages ended...damn where was this article when I needed it?? LMAO

The four things women absolutely need to find in a husband so they can live happily ever after:

1. Choose a man who complements you socially. Are you a couch potato or a social butterfly? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that couch potatoes are more compatible with other couch potatoes.

2. Choose a man who is on the same page as you when it comes to sexual likes and dislikes. No explanation needed

3. Choose a man who complements you financially. Talk about money before you walk down the aisle.

4. Choose to marry a man who matches you spiritually. Again, keep it simple. If you are religious, marry someone who shares your faith.

I think I got it now...4 times the charm!

Red-headed stepchild

2007-02-11T19:02:00.000-08:00

Wearing his Tabasco Pepper Hot Sauce Tee Shirt....

Faith, hope and love

2007-01-31T19:11:00.000-08:00

.....continued....

I have always lived by the motto "expect nothing and you won't be disappointed". Little did I know that this discouraged hope in my life and without hope there is no joy. A VERY wrong and abnormal way of thinking, therefore, I have figured out how to incorporate love, hope and faith into my life using my cell phone.

I have programmed into my phone some very special people in my life. Now instead of "Brandi" showing up when she calls it says "LOVE" is calling. I have FAITH calling to let me know that HOPE will soon be a dialing my number.

Ah....now I have it all.

Oh! Except CHARITY....who out there would like to program me as charity in their phone??

Battlefield of the Mind

2007-01-30T18:37:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd pass through J-land and give you guys a little heads up on something.

It seems my mind is abnormal.

Abnormal you say? Yes indeed!

I haven't figured out just how abnormal it is but I will let you know as soon as I progress through the book I am reading by Joyce Meyer. She seems to think I need to think about what I think about. Once I start thinking about what I think about I may be on the road to solving my problems and be on my way to freedom.

I am also going to discover that the condition of my mind changes. Go figure that one out! Now I'm wondering when my mind is normal and when is it abnormal? I need to find out what normal is so I can deal with the abnormal thoughts. Oh Lord! I'm confused now.

For example, a critical, judgemental and suspicious mind (sing it Elvis) should be considered abnormal. Hmmm....see? She says I'm abnormally thinking. All of my problems are rooted in wrong thinking. Some people are addicted to drugs....not me! I'm addicted to wrong thinking.

Oh my God...the next chapter is going to really open my mind's eye to how truly abnormally thinking I have thunk through my life. I'm all thunked out now...

To be continued...next chapter...

Thine eyes of thine heart is thine mind....or in English:

the eyes of the heart is the mind.

Anyway

2007-01-28T20:04:00.000-08:00

What an awesome message and song from Martina McBride!

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love'em anyway

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love, anyway,

Ponds and Pigs

2007-01-25T17:46:00.000-08:00

My dear Joseph you are my angel! Thank you my dear dear friend....

I love you!

I see my reflection in the POND and it's smiling back at me!

Another Chapter

2007-01-25T11:47:00.000-08:00

Another chapter ends in my life and now I can start a new book....

Thank you guys in J-land for being here for me in the last two years of my journaling. Reading my words even though only I could work through my problems. It has been a source of healing for me and now I can move on.

God Bless you all.